- 10 years ago
- Wedding: August 2009
Ugh. I’m upset right now and I just don’t know what to do! I’m 24 and getting married in August 2009. I started planning late last summer, after I could tell we were leaning towards engagement, and have been having so much fun, as a part of the blog/DIY/ creative/online wedding world. My issue is that my usually quiet, nonopionionated, passive mother is being the worst kind of mother of the bride! She told me she hates planning and all the little details, so I told her ‘great! i love that part’. We made a budget with my dad with some of the expenses on their tab (3/4) and the rest on mine and grooms parents (1/4). Here is the part that it gets complicated. I have an aunt that owns two womens clothing stores and is a "wedding planner" for many of her brides that come to her shop. So she has experience. The problem is how traditional her way of thinking is, and how in turn it has rubbed off on my mother. My aunt believes to the absolute core, that "the ceremony is for the bride and groom, while the reception is a party thrown by the bride’s mother paid for by the bride’s father". Um…are we still in 1950? My mother originally thought that was silly, last year.
I’m on top of my game and have had things thoughly researched and have contacted multiple vendors in each category to make sure I have all the right information. Then what I have been doing (since they are the biggest ticket items that my parents are paying for), is presenting the option, along with why I think they are the best and why I want them. So far, aside from the fact that my parents stall for a month on every decision (which I was very calm and understanding for, even though on the inside I just wanted to get the contract signed and was getting very frusterated) I felt everything was going just fine.
While searching for bridesmaid dresses I found J. Crew dresses that were originally $250 for $72. I was so excited! I called all the girls and we got it all figured out. That same day, I got a call from my aunt, saying she has a bridesmaid dress she would like me to see. I already had seem them and wasn’t interested (plus they would still cost $150 or more), but in the interest of trying to keep her involved since I knew she really wanted to be, I told her to go ahead and send it. Anyways, in the meantime all the girls bought their J. Crew dresses and love them. My aunt then called my mother on Sunday to chat, and my mom told my aunt that we already got dresses. I guess this made my mom uncomfortable to tell her (duh, keep your mother shut, I did it for a reason). So my mom came to me today telling me that I am being rude to my aunt and her by not communicating. I tried to explain to my mom that I was humoring my aunt to help make her feel involved in the process, and that I was just going to tell her we found one that we couldn’t pass up. Also, during this whole time, I have felt like my mom has acted like it is her wedding. Like picking out the food, or that she doesn’t like the colors I pick out and then also saying, its ok, you can choose that, I don’t care about that. Like its her decision to make! My fiance and I talked and he said that maybe she just doesn’t think I care very much, since I have been so accomodating this whole time. So I threw in, a little, ‘its my wedding’ type thing.
So we get into this discussion today, and it turns out, now she does think she is supposed to make all the big decisions. When I try to explain that my fiance and I have thought it through and would like things this way, because of this, etc. she just acts like I am a child and can’t make my own decisions. Then she tells me I have been a spoiled 5 year old by saying its my wedding and she thinks I "might" turn into bridezilla. I was so sad I just went home and cried into my fiance’s shoulder. Now he has stayed out of it this whole time, but today he told me he is going to write an email to them (very kind and polite). So this completely sucks and makes wedding planning almost 0% fun now. The only upside is that there are not many things left for my parents to pay for aka make decsions on. I’m just so frusterated! Am I out of line or is my mother?