(Closed) Help! My mom wants the married man she's involved with to come to my wedding

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Tell her he’s in a social unit with his wife, not with her.  If she wants him there, you’re sending the invitation to the married couple.  

Post # 3
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee

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strawbabies:  

OMG! LOL

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ladyebird:  

Sorry, I have NO advice…I am curious to see what other girls suggest on this one…I just feel terrible for you – that has to be SUCH a tough situation!! 🙁 

Post # 4
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Goodness me, you’re in a horrible position! I completely sympathise, not because I’ve been in your shoes before but because I have a best friend who has, although in her case her married dad was having an affair with a married woman. It’s horrible. It’s terribly upsetting not only that people cheat, but that they can disrespect marriage altogether. 

You can still be sensitive to your mum’s feelings whilst explaining your own. Tell your mum you love her and you completely understand that this man is very important to her. Explain that even though you’re sensitive to her feelings, your wedding is a celebration of marriage and you’re uncomfortable with having someone there celebrate with you whilst disrespecting his own marriage entirely.

Post # 5
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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ct2015:  I agree, that is tough!  I hope someone has a good answer.  I like 

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strawbabies:  reply, but that won’t keep your relationship close.  Best of luck! Yikes!

Post # 6
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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strawbabies:  OMG yes!!

Usually I would say that your mom gets a +1, no questions asked….but this one has questionable standings lol

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ladyebird:  I would flat out tell her no. He is having an affair and your mom wants to bring him to a wedding?! Let’s stop and think about what a wedding is. It’s a commitment to someone else that you will be faithful for the rest of your life…doesn’t it seem a little backwards that she would want to bring that to your wedding?

You have a lot of time before you get married, you just got engaged. So, I think that you will end up having to have a couple of really uncomfortable conversations with your mom about it. You can and should tell her no. He is not welcome. You don’t know him well. They both know, probably, that what they’re doing is wrong.

 

I really like PP’s idea…send him and his wife an invitation. That would just be awesome! hahaha

Post # 7
Member
528 posts
Busy bee

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strawbabies:  +1,000,000

 

I came to this thread to make that exact comment but you beat me to it!

Post # 9
Member
8027 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

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strawbabies:  that’s exactly what I was going to say!

Post # 10
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

Anyway, let me state my real opinion.

I would let her bring who the heck she wants to bring. She is grown. He is grown. It is none of my business. And, while I would tell her I am disgusted with her actions (yes, I would tell my mom that), these things have a way of coming full circle. I would not be the one to police her morality. But, she would know my stance on it and that’s that. I would let karma do the rest.

Post # 11
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My suggestion is to put this issue on the backburner for now. You are only engaged for 5 days. Bask in the warm glow of that. Go ahead with wedding planning with your Fiance and  Mom. When you do get to the point where you are developing a guestlist, then have that conversation with your Mom.

Post # 12
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’d just tell the guy’s wife and let things fall where they may.

Post # 13
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

In no way is it appropriate for your mother to bring the man who is having an affair with her to her daughter’s wedding!

Post # 14
Member
6013 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

Tell her you aren’t comfortable with him coming becuase he in no way is a stepparent to you and his presence would be awkward considering their arrangement. She’s essentially wanting to bring her friend with benefits to your wedding which wouldn’t be appropriate even under the best of circumstances.

Post # 15
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

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strawbabies:  +1 There really is no better way to say it!!

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