(Closed) help! my mother begs me not to marry!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee

You need to get out of there the first chance you get. Sucks that she is trying to hold you back and guilt you into staying. Sounds like your dad is trying to stay away as much as possible as well.

Post # 17
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
momokch:  You can study anywhere, just take your books. It would probably be beneficial to you to be studying somewhere with a less toxic environment anyway. You could concentrate better.

As for the money, just don’t give it to her, it’s as simple as that. Does she take you to an ATM and stand over you with a gun to your head until you withdraw everything? I very much doubt it. Unless she is going into your purse and taking everything without your knowledge, she can’t get her hands on your cash without you actually handing it to her. You’re a grown ass woman who is planning a wedding, put your foot down and stand up for yourself!!

Furthermore, your mother sounds very unstable which is very scary to me. The way you have described her (guilt tripping you, relying on you, crying, etc.) sounds very similar to my mum and she is on heaps of meds right now (and I’m convinced she has an undiagnosed mental health problem). She’s never threatened me but in her state, if she had, I’d start looking at other living arangement options. If your mum has threatened to harm you, it’s probably best for you not to be around because coming closer to the wedding you don’t know if something will push her over the edge and set her off to actually follow through with her threats. As reality sets in that this marriage is happening whether she likes it or not, it won’t get better, it will only get worse.

Good luck!! xx

Post # 18
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

Ugh, dear…. this situation is wrong on so many levels.  Your mom is a child and you’ve enabled her.  The fact that you don’t have any close friends who could help you says something about your emotional health as well.  Also, why do you have to pay back your fiance?  If you’re getting married soon, isn’t his money yours (vice versa)?  However, your mom has no rights to it.  It sounds like she has Narcissitc Personality Disorder (or some milder version of it).

Setting boundaries will help build your self-worth.  

Post # 19
Member
574 posts
Busy bee

Emotional blackmail if ever there was! It sounds like a brilliant thing that you are getting out of there if its at all possible i would pack your bags and leave as soon as you can. Don’t be made to feel a prisoner and don’t let her get away with treating you like this! She may have given birth to you but it takes more then that to be a mother and it doesn not sound like she is living up to what a mother should be.

Post # 20
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Your mother is abusive. You owe her nothing. Detach yourself emotionally NOW and move out as soon as possible. She’s emotionally abusive, narrcistic person. She won’t change. The only thing you can do is to take care about your own safety, stability, happiness and well-being. 

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