HELP! My mother in law to be has taken over…

posted 2 years ago in Reception
Post # 2
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

No is a two letter word.

ETA: To expand, I am in North Texas as well. What area are you in? There are a few options for venues that are under $1k. However, I really think you should go with your original plan and stand up to your Mother-In-Law.

Post # 3
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Sorry but I’m going to be a little harsh here: Why in the world did you cancel your original plans? So what if she didn’t like them? Why does she have any say if you’re paying for this? Where’s your Fiance when she’s trying to convince you both to change your plans? Why isn’t he standing up to her and saying no? Why aren’t you?

Post # 4
Member
5567 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

hannahnichole :  

You can’t afford a wedding. How are you planning one just because she says you need to have one? You should have stood your ground, how are you going to pay for this?

Most of all, where the hell is your Fiance in all of this? Why isn’t he telling his mother to back off, that you cannot afford a wedding and are doing the best you can?

He needs to put his foot down to her.

Post # 5
Member
5564 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

hannahnichole :  I am now stuck in trying to plan a wedding I cannot afford before our Marriage License expires.. 

No you aren’t. 

Post # 6
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee

I am so confused about why you cancelled your first plan. Just do that plan, get married, call it a day. No idea why your Mother-In-Law is so involved in this. 

Also, if you already have your license, you know you can go to the courthouse and get married…pretty much whenever, right? Then maybe save up and have a BBQ when you can afford it?

Post # 7
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

Sansa85 :  This.

My ILs tried to force a bigger wedding on me than I wanted, I said nope, we’re paying so its up to us what wedding we have. If you don’t stand your ground now, it’ll just get harder. My ILs still try to push me around and I’ve put my foot down numerous times.

Post # 8
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Just say no.

Post # 9
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

My advice is to say no.  She already had her wedding.  She doesn’t get to dictate what yours will be like.  That said, I can see why she’d be upset that you didn’t invite her to your originally planned wedding.  Provided she and her son have a good relationship that is a hard ass slap in the face.

Post # 10
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee

As PP have said, no is a complete sentence. I understand wanting to get along with your in laws but throwing a wedding you can’t afford and don’t want just to appease them is not something you need to do. Where does your Fiance stand in all of this and why isn’t he the one handling his mother?

Post # 11
Member
1825 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Either continue with original plan or elope somewhere with just the two of you.  

Post # 12
Member
3311 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Where in Texas are you? I’m in East Texas and there are a lot of options (tons of state parks) that aren’t expensive.

But, you should stand up to Mother-In-Law or this will be a trend for the next 30 years or more.

Post # 13
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

“No” is a complete sentence.  You and your Fiance need to grow a backbone.  If you loved the small wedding you had planned, un-cancel it and get married that way. 

 

Unless Future Mother-In-Law is going to foot the entire bill for a fancy wedding of her choosing (which I would still suggest declining given your characterization of FMIL), she doesn’t get to call all the shots.  I would suggest not taking any money from them and do the backyard wedding you wanted in the first place. If you want to invite family, do. If you just want it to be yourself and Fiance, then do that.

Post # 14
Member
35 posts
Newbee

If your Mother-In-Law wants you to have a big extravagent wedding then she should pay for it, in my opinion. She shouldn’t be able to guilt you into spending money that you can’t afford to spend. If it’s THAT important to her that you have a huge expensive wedding then she can dish out the cash. 

I personally would have been completely fine eloping and having no wedding ceremony at all but I knew that it would really upset both of our families and especially our mothers. Since they are the ones who want us to have a big wedding, they’re paying for the majority of it. 

Post # 15
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

She cant object if she doesnt know about it… go to the courthouse and get legally married or re-plan the small, simple and intimate wedding you had previously planned. Her demanding you not do what you want is going to cause harsh feelings in the future, just like you are afraid of causing if you proceed with the wedding that is financially responsible. 

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