- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
My family is from Pakistan but I was born in England and have never been part of that culture. They really like my fiance, and have not yet started to bring up the fact that he’s white and not muslim, though they made a huge fuss about him coming to a big family wedding recently. I wouldn’t have gone without him, so finally they let him come, even though we’re not married and it would bring ‘shame’ on the family (the STUPIDIST thinking on the planet – he is the sweetest, most thoughtful person in the world!).
My fiance and I have spoken on occasion about what our wedding would be like and it reflects our personalities: we like good West Coast food, good wine, great music and dancing. We want our wedding to celebrate the friends in our life who help us through good times and bad. Doesn’t sound too difficult or out of the ordinary, right??
Well, my parents have gone the parental equivalent of bridezilla!! They want a big Pakistani wedding, with all the ceremonies, inviting God knows who, gaudy decorations, the whole shebang. They even think that they’re going to have it on the other side of the country (Mississauga) where all their family live. Meanwhile, I know nobody there and we all live in Vancouver. My dad said: ‘Fine, you can have a small thing with your friends in Vancouver, but the proper wedding will be in Mississauga, with everyone’. This is crazy! Our friends ARE our family, why would we not want to spend our big day with them?
It is really upseting me, and I don’t know how to get them to stop being so selfish. They have never taken any time to get to know ME, who MY friends are, and are now just thinking of this as an occassion for them to show off and hang out with their friends and extended family. If they get their way, I will have to pretend to be someone I’m not, cover up my tattoos, pretend I don’t drink, and not be allowed to dance, at an event where I don’t know anyone. My fiance (half German half Dutch) may have to wear a turban and Indian clothes that I don’t think he really wants to!! Though he would look hot in them, riding in on an elephant to get me….. Lol.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy they are excited and never dreamt that they would even consider paying for any of my wedding (and now they seem to be saying they will). I just don’t want it to mean that I have to give up who I am on my own special day! Is there anyone out there who has dealt with anything like this? How do I get them to understand that I defer to their beliefs on so much, but will NOT compromise MY beliefs, at my wedding? I want to be able to have alcohol and drink, dance, do Western things with my friends (who are diverse, just not predominantly from South Asia). Yikes – how do I make sure my gay friends feel comfortable with my very prejudiced extended family??
Any thoughts, advice, suggestions would be very much appreciated. I’m so in love with my fiance, and we were so looking forward to planning a lovely party – I want to make sure it doesn’t turn into a nightmare for both of us!