- 8 years ago
- Wedding: November 2008
So, I need some advice on how to approach this situation with my sister. She is dating an apparent loser. Help me, bees!
Background: My sister is nearly 23 years old, the youngest child. She is extremely intelligent and has always been something of an artsy free spirit. A few months after graduating university last year she moved to a new city, where she knew no one, for a job in her field. It’s a great job in a highly competitive field and she is supporting herself entirely.
Since moving to this new city, she has fallen in with a less than savory crowd, and from this crowd she has begun dating a guy who sounds like a real loser. I have not had the opportunity to meet him myself, but my parents have and they disapprove big time. Not that they think he is a bad person, just that she could do so, so much better. (My parents are really cool and I trust their judgment.)
Her boyfriend is 28 years old with no college education and two dead-end part-time jobs. He lives with his unstable alcoholic mother for his own financial reasons. He evidences no ambition in life for his career. He plays in a band with some friends and it would appear his life’s purpose is to hang out with them and drink alcohol. Additionally, the two guys that my sister dated previous to this one were cut from the same cloth (6 to 10 years older, no education, no job, no ambition, crazy families). The previous relationships have lasted less than a year, and she is only a few months in with this guy.
My sister insists that she is just dating these guys to date them, she is not “planning on getting married to them.” She says she likes her boyfriend because he is nice and fun to hang out with. She states that it is not important to have shared life goals, similar ambitions and beliefs, and similar-ish backgrounds, etc. for you to have a successful relationship. Obviously I know you can’t choose what family your SO comes from, but you still have to consider whether they are the type of people you want in your life as part of the package, and she has openly stated that the families are terrifyingly awful.
My mom is panicking that my sister is going to get really emotionally involved despite what she says, fall in love, and marry this guy or someone just like him. I agree that my sister seems to be in a pattern of dating loser guys. I don’t understand why she is attracted to these guys who are going nowhere fast, while she herself is doing so well.
How can I talk to my sister about her loser boyfriend streak? Have you ever been in a similar situation, and if so what did you do?