Post # 1
To start from the beginning would take a lifetime…suffice it to say that every major, positive milestone I have hit my older sister is extremely jealous of. This goes back to childhood & adolescence as well… she never graduated HS so whe I did she had an attittude, almost caused us to be late for the ceremony, when I went to college she stopped speaking to me, when I got a new car she accused me of not being supportive enough of her and her minor health issues, when I was inducted into the honor society she never came, when I moved in with my fiance she didn’t speak to me for months and accused me of “abandoning” her, when I got engaged last Christmas she started a fight with my fiance which caused us to leave dinner early, and now me and my fiance just moved into our new home and just last week she picked another fight with me. It’s never ending and although I have told her that I feel she is very calculatng in that she times her outbursts to coincide with positive, happy moments in my life she either denies it or does not care. On the flip side I get that she is the older sister and is single and I am the younger sister doing everything first. Maybe she feels this should be where she is at in her life. I dont know. But I am getting married in 67 days 🙂 and need to know if she should even be invited, we are having a small wedding at city hall in NYC. My own mother even sides with me and I know it’s difficult because we are her daughters but even she can see right through my sister. So my question is should I invite her? and if so how should I handle her is she chooses to have another outburst?
This topic was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Beeee13.
Post # 2
Ugh, so sorry! I have a jealous older sister as well and we are going on 3 years not speaking to each other. She finally froze me out completely when I bought my home and announced I was pregnant 🙂
Anyway, if you are having a small city hall wedding I would absolutely NOT invite her. I know that regardless of how terrible she’s been, the idea of her not comign to your wedding is probably very sad, but honestly you only want to surround yourself with people who are 100% supportive of you and can be selfless for an afternoon. Don’t send her an invite and maybe wait to see what happens. She might ask you about it, but probably not! Good luck!!
Post # 3
yes you invite her and you put your mother in charge of her. If she tries to make a scene your mom should speak with her.
Post # 4
Are you thinking that not inviting her would help your realtionship? If so, I recommend you rethink that.
You cannot control her behavior. She may or may not act out. For that matter, she may or may not attend. What you can control is her ability to upset you. Stop letting her push your buttons.
Post # 5
I agree you should invite her as it will further the gap between the two of you if you don’t. Now if after the invite she doesnt come that’s her choice, but I would personally still extend the invite and I agree with swizzle, put your mom in charge of her.
Post # 6
Beeee13: unless you are prepared to completely end your relationship with her, she should be invited. I agree with pp – your mom should handle any outbursts.
Post # 7
It would be rude to not invite her, but don’t let her ruin your day since she has this pattern of behavior. Let someone else (like mom) handle her B.S and politely escort her away if she starts acting inappropriately.
Post # 8
I disagree that your Mom should be saddled with the responsibility of monitoring her behavior. That is an impossible task. Your sister is an adult. Your Mom can’t just slap her hand over your sister’s mouth or pick her up and carry her out of the room like you do with a child.
Just don’t show any reaction if your sister says anything inappropriate.
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess
I would refuse to engage with her unless her behavior changes, big time. Have you sat her down and had a ‘come to jesus’ talk with her about how her patterns of behavior are being perceived? Remember that it takes two people to engage in conflict, so if you can help it, don’t pay her behavior any attention. If it were me, I would cut her out of my life like removing a wart. Just because it’s family, doesn’t mean you need to hang on to them if they’re constantly causing problems.
Post # 10
Beeee13: I disagree that your Sister should get an automatic invite. Your wedding day is special and meaningful, and you deserve to only have supportive people witness you make a life long commitment to your SO. It sounds like you have addressed your concerns with her before. I’d have another conversation with her. If you feel like she will still act up, don’t invite her, and make sure she understands why. It sounds like your family will be supportive. Maybe it will be a wake up call about her behavior issues. Either way, she doesn’t have a right to ruin your day just because she’s your Sister.
Post # 11
If she has any outbursts, have someone escort her out. As much as I’d like to say, don’t invite her, she is your sister, and the lack of invite might make things a lot worse in the aftermath.
Post # 12
I’d invite her and hope she doesn’t come. 😀
Post # 13
Invite her but assign someone to “babysit” her and if she has a outburst she’ll be removed… its your wedding day, shouldn’t be your problem but you might regret not having her there if she ever does grow up.
Post # 14
If you are having a small city hall wedding I wouldnt invite her. She seems very immature and she shouldnt be jealous of you for being successful. If you are inviting a lot of other people then i would invite her in the hopes that she doesn’t show up. If she causes a scene ask her to leave. Family is very difficult to deal with. My sister and I havent been speaking for a long time because she was jealous of my accomplishments. It is Her problem not yours !
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
Your wedding day should be about you. Not her. Let’s say you invite her and she shows up and shows her behind? What then? Your day will be filled with memories of her foolishness. Your sister is grown, and your mother should be able to enjoy her daughters wedding with having to be on the look out for your sisters antics. I say don’t invite her.