(Closed) Help, my wedding's gone viral!!!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yikes that’s definitely hard to deal with, especially when your venue has a capacity of 200! I think it’s very rude of people to assume they can come to your wedding simply because they heard about it or saw the STD on someone else’s fridge. Just stick with your guns – send invites to ONLY the people that got STDs. If other people think they are invited and ask, just tell them “Sorry, but our venue only holds a certain amount of people and with such a large family, there isn’t any more space.”

Post # 4
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Whoa, time to pull back the reins on this.  If your venue has a 200 person limit, you absolutely can’t invite over 200.  You’ve gotta tell your brother and other fam to stop inviting people by word-of-mouth and that only the 200 people you send invitations to are allowed to come.

Oh, and that “subtle” person who gave you their address was incredible…

Post # 5
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@dancindiva:  ugh!!! people can be so dense! i so feel your pain. my FI has 20 aunts and uncles alone…. i guess you can look at it as a good thing that people love you so much they cant imagine your wedding would happen without them! hahaha

seriously though, do not feel the need to invite ANYONE unless you or your FI are the ones who made a comment like “see you at the wedding?” it’s a tough line to draw, but esp when buget is factor, it has to be drawn.

and definitely DO NOT invite more than your venue can hold. that is a serious recipe for disaster.

Post # 6
Member
3174 posts
Sugar bee

You need to put your foot down and tell your family to stop.

Post # 7
Member
9556 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Blame the venue!!!! If they have a limit you really don’t want to invite more than the limit. Some people have 100% acceptance. So blame it on the venue but be firm that only the 210 that got STDs are invited.

Post # 8
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

This is actually a really good problem to have! Keep in mind that you’ll get some no’s, and of the yes’s a certain percentage probably won’t show up. But definitely put the kibosh on the add-ons NOW! Tell everyone that any additional guests could get the wedding cancelled by the fire marshal, because, you know, it’s TRUE.

Post # 9
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

this was exactly why I was this close to screaming at my mother for “courtesy inviting” my aunts and uncles – I have 24 of them and I had a DW that DH and I paid for on top of the fact that I’m a year outta college. first of all, they need to hear the phrase THE VENUE ONLY ALLOWS 200!!! … and secondly, if they want to invite all these people, THEY PAY FOR IT since these people aren’t YOUR guests but THEIRS.

Post # 11
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@dancindiva:  You said…

That being said, after I sent the Save the Dates, I got lots of excited responses from everyone! Since then, it seems as though the news is making the rounds, and there are some people that aren’t invited that seem to think seeing the save the date card on somebody else’s rerigerator or getting the link to the wedding website from some email forward or facebook (yes, it got shared on facebook) means that they can come.

Most recently, a friend of my mom’s friend sent me a facebook message which said “Congratulations! Not that I am presuming an invite, but I wanted to give you my address just in case because I know you don’t have it.” O_o!?!??!

Part of the reason I am not a BIG FAN of Save The Dates… the one exception where I think they work are when the couple is planning a Destination Wedding, and hoping that they’ll have friends & family join them in their chosen “vacation destination”… and the Guests NEED a good amount of lead-time to save up the funds, make the booking etc.

And don’t get me started on FaceBook… this IMO has been one of the greatest items to see “the fall” of polite society… indeed someone “hears” something now (or sees a Save The Date, or an entry on FB) and now like to ASSUME that as the “info is out there” that it somehow applies to them too…

Of course the worst offenders, actually SAY THAT OUT-LOUD… hence the beyond rude and nervy comments made by your Mom’s friend.

You’ve gotten some great advice here… YOU NEED TO DIG YOUR HEELS IN and HOLD the numbers at around 200.  If that is the Venue’s capacity, then you can’t be continually giving out (or be bullied into / guilted into) MORE Invites.

AND you need to tell EVERYONE in your immediate family WHY… because the Venue is only so big, and THAT EACH AND EVERY ADDITIONAL INVITED PERSON isn’t just a “card” they represent a whole lot of real CA$H that will have to be layed out… Hosting a Wedding, and having Guests come is an EXPENSIVE proposition… Unless you are the mega-millionaire, there really is a limit on how much you have to spend etc.

As others said… tell the family you aren’t trying to be mean, just realistic !!

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 12
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I understand your worries.

I come from a big family accustomed to huge weddings. I’d love to invite more, but we’re limited by the venue.

I would definitely tell your parents, family about your current numbers and who is or is not invited. I know my dad felt a little out of the loop because he didn’t know which family friends were invited. All it took was giving him a list for him to feel better and not have any of those awkward “see you at the wedding” moments when he doesn’t know if those friends are invited. 

Post # 13
Member
2282 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You cannot invite everyone your family mentions your wedding to. You cannot even invite everyone your family accidentally invites on your behalf. You will just have to send around an absolute declaration that the guest list as-it-is must be the final guest list, and if they do anything to extend that, even accidentally, it will be put on them to correct it and hurt the person’s feelings.

Otherwise, my dear, you will have a guest list disaster on your hands. You will have to smack down even your most serene family members, because everyone seems to go nuts when it comes to the guest list. You’ll even have people offering to pay the extra cost for their friends to be invited. It’s insane. The only answer is to take a deep breath and keep repeating the word “no.” Any exceptions will lead to chaos.

Post # 14
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am so sorry this happened! It really is difficult to tell people that they aren’t invited. I have had so many people ask when the wedding is and then look surprised that it is so soon and they haven’t been invited. But when you are dealing with limited space and a budget, you have to be firm about your guest list. Make sure your families totally understand the expense of ‘one more person’ and the space limitations. No more additions! Best of luck to you- I love New Orleans and I sure your wedding will be beautiful!

Post # 16
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Also, there won’t be enough food, and as you can probably figure, in New Orleans, the skies would rain fire and the water would turn to blood before any self-respecting New Orleanian would allow that, lol!

I just read that out loud to my DH, a New Orleanian from generations and generations of New Orleanians, and he laughed pretty loudly and said, “Cher, that’s the honest truth.” 

Honestly, by the time your wedding rolls around, enough people will RSVP “no” or just not show up (sad, but true) that you really will be OK. I know it is so ridiculously hard to not be able to invite everyone you want. Just make it a point to tell them one heartfelt line of how much they mean to you when you have to politely tell them no. You’ve got this. 

Good luck and don’t forget to get away from Facebook and do some things just for you every once and awhile.  

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