Help Navigating Relationship with Socially Anxious BFF

posted 1 month ago in Relationships
Post # 16
5057 posts
Bee Keeper

So not sure exactly how much info to put here. But some ideas and thoughts in list form.

I need to know ahead of time what we’re doing. No can we meet up in an hour. Depending. There’s exceptions to this but in general even people I’m close with I love to plan ahead a bit.

once a week while working is a lot.  I can barely get my stuff done so it’s a real effort to socialize. I do it, but yes a standing once a week would stress me out. 

She works part time you say but is there a commute? Or is a job that makes her work closer to full time so they don’t pay her benefits. My old part time job had 35 hours some weeks. 

See what type of things she wants to do? 

That’s all I have for now. Good luck! 

Post # 17
1210 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

ArcadiaRose :  They have been lifelong best friends practically family I don’t think someone would feel the need to triple clean the house for family…

Post # 19
1210 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

sharpshooter :  I dunno though I feel like someone you have been friends with your whole life is in a different category than just a friend. I feel like those types of friendships are rare and therefore more effort should be made. I mean I have been friends with my bff since we were 8 years old we grew up together were close to eachothers families i would feel hurt if she put the same amount of effort into say a friend she met at work 2 years ago and put our friendship in the same category when we been friends for 20 years.

Post # 21
2905 posts
Sugar bee

soexcited123 :  they have also been apart for 10 years.  People change.  OP can decide if the friendship works for her or not, but she can’t make her want to hang out more often.

length of friendship does not determine a stronger relationship.


Post # 22
170 posts
Blushing bee

Plans definitely in advance, and make it low key.  I’m definitely more likely to have a pizza Netflix night with a friend over going out. Even shopping with friends can be too much for me.

Post # 23
985 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

soexcited123 :  I triple clean the house before anyone comes over.  My husband’s gaming group, my best friend,  and my mom, all get the same level of cleanliness when they come over to our house.  The amount of time i know someone has no bearing on my need to deep clean the house before they come over.  

Post # 24
10997 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

peachykeener :  

You are very welcome.

One of the problems for me is that I got sick shortly after we moved here and it lasted for three years.  In the end, it was the meds that were causing all of the trouble.  I was sleepy and stupid all the time.  I would literally fall asleep while I was eating and wake up with tofu scramble on my face and in my hair. I was seeing double. I was staggering.  It got bad.  I was scared I had MS.

Thankfully, the two nurse anesthetists who run our ketamine clinic figured out that it was too much antihistamine (I was taking more than I was supposed to by then) causing all of my symptoms.  My primary agreed with them (I adore him).

With lots of trepidation, I stopped *everything*.  Within a month, I was fine.

The point is, I didn’t get out much and get a chance to meet new people.  Working from home doesn’t help.  I’m on a schedule right now that is quite incompatible with meeting up with people, but, I will eventually be able to fix that.

So, hermiting can become something of a habit, I think.  Before I got sick, I was pretty hung ho to get out and do stuff.

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