(Closed) help need advice

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Hi, I’m sorry that you’re going through this.

In a situation like this, in my opinion, the most important thing to understand is that an engagement doesn’t mean a woman “earns” a ring by “behaving”. It’s not a prize that your significant other awards you for putting up with stuff. It’s a commitment between two people to spend their loves together, loving each other and fighting together. You and him should be a team. You should not be against each other.

 

Do you want to marry this man? Do you love him with all your heart and think he makes you better? Do each of you bring out the best in the other one? Or you just want a sparkly ring because you think you deserve it?

 

Think about that. If you made up your mind that you in fact want to be with him until you die cause it is true love from both ends, work in your relationship from there. Marriage will come along.

If not, it’s a whole other issue and you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

 

xoxo

 

 

Post # 4
Member
309 posts
Helper bee

You might get some more answers if you break this up into paragraphs and correct the spelling, it is really hard to read and understand

Post # 5
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

u shouldn’t wait for a proposal you should leave. Sounds like a horribly unhealthy relationship and awful environment for your son to be brought up in. 

Post # 8
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

This relationship is toxic. If you can’t see just how unhealthy it is, here are some of the things that I picked up just from this one post. He has been abusive, both verbally and physically. He is an alcoholic – blacking out and hitting you is a sign that he has a serious, serious problem and such abuse should not be forgiven. He has cheated on you. You left college and the pursuit of your future in order to puree his foods and take care of his every need. The place he lives is rat-infested and you are the one made to clean it up.

With all of this, you should not be waiting for an engagement ring because you think you have earned it for all of the hell and abuse that he has put you through. That is incredibly unhealthy! No, instead of an engagement ring, you should get a protective order. Take your son, protect him from witnessing further abuse and dysfunction, and get as far away from this guy as possible! And then, I think you should get yourself a good therapist to explore why you are drawn to an abusive alcoholic and toxic relationships. A healthy person with a healthy sense of self-esteem and self-worth would have left a long time ago. There is something in you that is drawn to this chaos and having a hard time breaking free. Your son should probably also see a therapist if he has been subjected to this kind of dysfunction and chaos in his home.

These are my thoughts. Though they may not be what you want to hear, I hope that they help in some way.

Post # 9
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@hopelessromantic27: you’re welcome. you deserve better. if you can’t see that for yourself (it’s really hard to when you’re in the midst of a bad relationship), think about your son and trust what people on the outside are telling you.  

I highly recommend seeking counseling for yourself – it really helped me to get out of a horrible relationship when I couldn’t seem to get myself out.

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