- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
I got engaged last April (2013) and immediatly knew who I wanted in my wedding party. The wedding was 18 months away at the time. I know that some of my bridesmaids are not financially secure, so we went through a checklist to see what we could afford to cover and what they would be responsible for, so that they would have a year and a half to prepare.
First, we opted to stay in the city we live were 90% of our wedding party lives instead of getting married in my hometown.
We rented a cottage beside the venue that will accomodate the entire wedding party so there are no accomodation costs, transportation to the site is also being provided.
we cancelled an engagement party and bridal shower so there were no additional costs on set up or gifts.
I have a 2 year old and three month old, so bachelorette plans are to be kept local in case of emergency
i have hired someone to come in and do hair and make up the morning of at my expense.
rehearsal dinner, bridesmaid lunch, morning after brunch and since our rehearsal is two days before the wedding, dinner the night before the wedding are all being paid for (drinks included).
Were having host bar at the wedding with the exceptions of shots, doubles and top shelf liquor.
The bridesmaids dresses were 180 tax in. a seamstess in the family is handling alterations for free.
I asked the girls to buy cheap generic shoes that we could pinterest before the wedding to make custom to our theme for a fraction of the price.
Tuxes were 190 to rent and included everything but underwear. we also arranged it so they could have from now until june to get their measurements at a discount, but could wait as long as september to get fitted, the suit would just be 30$ more.
It has been almost a year since we laid out the plans. One of the bridesmaids is dating one of the groomsmen and last weekend they came over to complain about the cost. I gave them a full breakdown of what was covered, again, and explained that the average wedding party spends over a thousand, but we had cut a lot out so that all they had to pay was their outfit and bachelor/bachelorette party. I have no say in the bachelorette, it is a surprise. it could be 100$ it could be a 1000$, i wont know the difference. They told me since they are both in the wedding, its not fair they have twice the expenses, and that they reached out to both groups to tell them to hone it on bachelor plans because they do not want to spend any money. At first, i agreed with them, i am currently not working as I have a three month old so we are a family of four on one income.however, after talking to my maid of honor, I realized that even though I have no income, i have found a way to cover every possible expense i could afford to make it easier on them. they are two working professionals and their costs were minimal, but the told me they werent complaining to make me feel bad, they just “wanted me to keep them in the back of my mind during their planning”. I thought i was supposed to keep my fiance and myself in mind during our wedding? I suggested we nix the bachelorette party plans and opt for a dinner everyone could afford, since i cant afford to pay for my own bachelorette party, nor would i enjoy it after hearing complaints. My bridesmaid got upset and told me people have other things in their lives going on then just my wedding and i should be more understanding. I told her i had given them 18 months to prepare for what i thought was minimal expenses, and that i couldnt afford any other cut corners to accomodate her. That if her and her spoused couldnt afford to be in the wedding party, that i would understand, all they had to do was explain they thought it was too expensive but would love to still be part of the big day. she said not to worry about it, it would be fine and we continued to make plans. a week later, her boyfriend emailed my fiance to call me worse then a bridezilla (i should point out aside from bridesmaid dress shopping, my wedding party has not been asked to do a single thing, i have done it all by myself), he also said if i want to spend money i should get off my ass and get a job (i have a 3month old son). He then continued to tell my fiance that the mother of his children was a horrible person, and then he attacked my fiances integrity on issues unrelated to the wedding. he finished by saying niether of them are in the wedding party. at first I went into damage control mode feeling bad it had gotten this far and offered to find a way to pay for all of their expenses and took full responsibility. i was met with even more cruel comments. then i realized this is my wedding and im bending over backwards to accomodate two people. every other member(there are 12-yes we are covering these expenses for 12 people) has expressed their joy at being asked and said cost was not an issue that they will save and plan accordingly. im just not sure what to think. sorry for the long post