(Closed) Help! Need advice on invitations and how I should do it..

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I hope this doesn’t offend you (not my intention!) but I don’t really think that there is a nice way to explain on an invitation that you are invited to go to a wedding but that you are expected to pay for your own bill.

In that case, I would probably skip the formal invites, and just talk to your closest friends/family and explain the situation, just like you wrote it here. 


Post # 5
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve been invited to 2 destination weddings, and I always assume that I cover my own expense. For one of them, it was sent via email, but it was sincere and from the heart. They essentially invited us to join them in the Carribean and also to see them get married. They outlined the price of everything up front and then said we understand any and all responses ranging from “we’ll see you there!” to “too pricey, but we send our congrats!” and that they would be thinking of us on their special day. 

If you’re inviting close friends and family to your Destination Wedding, they should know you well enough that if you invite them and tell them what you are doing, they will totally understand. Just be up front!



Post # 6
1695 posts
Bumble bee

All formal parties begin with written invitations using the stilted third-person language that goes “Mrs Hostess / requests the pleasure of the company of ” and so-on. Nowadays, the only “formal” parties most people have been to are weddings, so they (wrongly) assume that all wedding invitations use traditional third-person language.

The few remaining social hostesses who actually hold parties, both formal and otherwise, bite their tongues and restrict themselves to some private eye-rolling when they get one of these super-formal invitations, for a wedding that the bride herself proclaims to be “casual and off-beat”. There is an alternative: the ordinary note, written in natural language. Natural language allows you scope for tact, so that you can explain things that wouldn’t fly in a formal note.

Here is what you write:

Dear Auntie Aspasia

Fabio and I have decided to elope in Culebra Puerto Rico next May 5th. It’s not a big secret, though. We wanted you to know, so that if you happen to be vacationing there at the time, you can attend the ceremony. It will be on the beach at the Culebra Drive Resort. Fabio and I are going to have our first meal together as husband and wife at Mamacita’s — it’s a big place and I think some of our other friends who will be on Culebra at the time will be having dinner there too. If you do happen to be on Culebra at the time, I can certainly recommend the restaurant to you! Just a thought: I know you enjoy travelling, but I know you’ll wish us the best even if you are still back in Lake Wobegon.




For your more modern up-to-date friends, you send all that onerous verbiage via email, or even a Facebook private message. Just make sure that you change the Dear So-and-so line with each cut-and-paste so that it looks personal. The wording invites them only to the ceremony, which is the bit that doesn’t cost you anything. For the rest, you are just letting them know your plans, and letting them know that you don’t mind their “crashing” your elopement.

The downside is, that you don’t get to control the timelines and focus of the “reception” as you could if you were a real hostess. You cannot have a Master of Ceremonies announcing speeches and calling for toasts and first dances. You’re going to have to just take things as they come, and let the events unfold naturally, as strikes the fancy of your fellow-diners. On the upside, the most enjoyable social events are often the ones that are NOT stage-managed.

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