(Closed) HELP! Need unbiased opinion

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

So the box contained photos of friends, family and exes?  Unless they were sexual photos of the exes, I really wouldn’t have a problem with it.  He is with you – not the exes.  I still have old photos of my exes – not necessarily because of the ex, but because I was on vacation or there was a large group of us in the photo.

The part that I would be upset about is the fact that he lied and said there were financial documents in there.  Was there anything like that in the box, or was it only filled with photos?

It sounds like he did get rid of the cards and other mementos.  If it’s simply the fact that he uploaded the photos so he could keep them – I don’t think that’s a big deal.  The trust issue sounds like it’s coming from somewhere deeper.

Post # 4
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

Honestly, I don’t know why this is bothering you. They’re in his past, he loves you now, so what if he wants to keep a few photo mementos? 

Post # 5
Member
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Personally – I’d be worried if my Darling Husband wanted to get rid of all pictures, momentos, etc from his exes.

Those people were a major part of your FI’s life at one point in time and it is very healthy and normal to look back on those times.  But they are still in the past and he is now with you and not them for a reason.

Post # 6
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m confused why you are upset. In my opinion, your fiance has done more than he required to appease you on this subject. Everybody has a past, and I think it’s healthy to remember that. THAT SAID, if you don’t trust him for other reasons (infidelity, dishonesty, etc.), then that’s something that should be worked out separately.

Post # 7
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think it’s a big deal.  You can’t erase the past and you shouldn’t want to try to do so, we are the sum of our experiences.  If he were looking at this every day, it’d be a problem, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. 

Post # 8
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I agree with a lot of the others that I don’t think that this is a big deal

Post # 9
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

I disagree with the PP. I have been through my fair share of liars in relationships. To me, he was LYING to you about what was in the box right to your face because he did not want you to know what was in the box! If he was lying then there was a reason he was lying. He obviously knew it would upset you and instead of being honest he chose to lie to you. Lying is a huge deal breaker, especially if there are other issues! I totally get where you are coming from. I was with this jerk of a guy who basically cheated on me with his ex.. and kept all the pictures of her is a “special” drawer along with all of the stuff she left at his house. Momento type of deal which I thought was very disrespectful to me seeing that so much pain was caused by him and this girl. She may be in the past, lets leave them there. Why do we need constant reminders of them?

Post # 11
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Honestly I feel like you are creating a problem where there isn’t one. Why do you care so much about his old pics?

Post # 14
Member
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think the bigger concern here would be the lying. Why did he need to lie about what was in them and then shred them?

Post # 16
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

What you see is what you get!  

This is my advice to you – coming from someone who has been married before.  The way things are right now with you two regarding those pics and his response is the way things are going to be in the future.  If you’re okay with how things went down, great!  If you don’t like it, don’t like the way it makes you feel, don’t feel comfortable with it – then this is a red flag. I’m not going to advise you on how you should feel.  My advice is to pay attention to the way you feel.  I know this isn’t romantic but I have a saying… “There is no such thing as Mr. Right, only Mr. Tolerable.”  Yo have to determine what you are willing to tolerate.

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