(Closed) Help Needed! Family Upset About No Children at Wedding!!!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 47
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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dezzie:  Your compromise sounds more than gracious and accomodating. It sounds like a solid plan!  As long as your FH has your back, I think you’ve got all loose ends taken care of! GL Bee! I’m rooting for you!

Post # 48
Member
3936 posts
Honey bee

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dezzie:  

Onsite sitter means onsite kids, for both your ceremony and your canapes hour. As a childcare provider, I can assure you that I would be connecting the disruptive child(ren) with their parents for the sake of the group. So, again, I wouldn’t chance it if your goal is a child-free ceremony. Just my $0.02.

 

 

Post # 49
Member
10815 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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dezzie:  

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NFLwidow:  is right you know . Planning it is one thing – but it having  faithfully carried out by people who did’nt want to do  it in the first place has far too much room for problems.

Post # 50
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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dezzie:  I think your compromise sounds good on paper but in reality it’s going to be very hard to kick the kids out once they’re already there.  Once 5 o’clock rolls around if SIL and Brother-In-Law say they’re really not comfortable doing the sitter at the hotel thing anymore you are going to look like a major B if you follow through with your plans to eject the whole family off the premises.

Post # 51
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee

^What BrynneF says.

Post # 52
Member
3936 posts
Honey bee

 

^ what PPs said.

 

Not to mention the added expense. OP, have you priced licensed childcare providers and RT bus transport and hotel accommodation for who knows how many kids? 

 

 eta: By The Way, I don’t want to seem like a killjoy. I think you’re incredibly generous for trying. I’d like to think that you will find a good compromise for your guests that are parents, but, what you’ve described just isn’t a plan that seems as workable as one might think. 

 

 

 

Post # 53
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Who’s going to be the babysitter, and are FBIL/FSIL comfortable with having a sitter they don’t know? (Because not all parents are).

A better option might be to have FSIL’s parents (or some other sitter of her choice) take them home after the photos. Especially (if I interpret your comment at the bottom of page 3 correctly) if they only live 20 minutes away. We did this once: some time after the ceremony, my mother came and took our kids home. (Or maybe she sat in on the ceremony, I don’t remember).

Also, if you do that, you’re only making an exception for your nieces and you don’t need to worry about other kids.

Post # 54
Member
395 posts
Helper bee

In reality I don’t think it’s going to work. I would stick with the no kids plan.

Kids are not that flexible when they are toddlers, 1 and 3 as your Brother-In-Law and SiLs kids are. Toddlers have nap times, play times, feed times, dirty diapers, outbursts. Sometimes they are sweet and happy, and sometimes they have absolute meltdowns for no damn reason. They need structure. Your wedding is not going to fit in with a toddlers schedule. So it is not going to go well, so just plan on a big shitshow meltdown by somebody if you let them anywhere near the place.

Post # 55
Member
1758 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

You are a much bigger person than I am OP, I would have stuck to my don’t like it, don’t come. You are bending over backwards for them, I hope they appreciate it.

Post # 58
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

Is that a confrontation/argument you want to be having on your wedding day though? Given your SILs attitude, I could see her agreeing then trying to make them stay the day of via excuses or guilt tripping. If that does happen, there’s no good outcome – they leave and ruin your night by fighting or stay and ruin your night. I agree with pp it will be very hard to get rid of them once they’re there.

Post # 59
Member
13926 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I agree with both of 

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aussiemum1248:‘s points. It’s perfectly appropriate and acceptable to have children of immediate family, and not your cousin or friend’s children.  And if I had to guess, Future Sister-In-Law is not going to agree to any plan where a stranger to her babysitter drives her very young children 20 minutes away. In your situation, I think the onsite sitter is the better solution. 

Who were the children who caused the destruction at your engagement party? 

Post # 60
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I think that you deserve to have the wedding you want, and that ESPECIALLY given that future SIL’s kids are so very young, and will absolutely not be quiet and just sit and enjoy a wedding, you should stay firm in your decision. 

I would have your future hubs talk to them, or assist you in talking to them. You should make it clear that you would like an adults only reception, but it is very important to you that they be present. You would be very happy to help them arrange a sitter. Ultimately for someone to say that if you don’t include their 2 and 3 year old, they are willing to miss one of the biggest days of your life…well suffice to say, someone is being a straight up idiot. And it’s not you.

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