(Closed) Help needed – my fiance tried to cheat on me but couldn't go through with it.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1656 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I don’t disagree with the Bees here, but I think that what is going may be a much deeper issue given the porn and erectile issues.It is hard to know if his actions were about seeking a sexual relationship or about building up his ego. It is a form of cheating, but it sounds to me like he may have deeper issues that are driving this behavior.  If he was wiling to seek counseling, and takes this seriously, I might give him some time. 

Otherwise, then you have to decide if you want to spend your life worrying about what he is doing. You say how you are in frequent/semi-constant contact when he travels. Why? Are you being loving or are you really keeping tabs on him because you don’t trust him? As someone whose been married for a long time, it really speaks to a level of distrust and fear in your relationship. Talking once or twice/day is pretty normal and more than sufficient for a solid relationship. There are cracks in the foundation of this relationship that you need to face-up to and make a plan to address. 

Post # 17
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You deserve better bee

 

Post # 18
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I actually find it more worrisome that he adjusted his privacy settings because he knew you were online at the time. That’s devious.

This must be devastating for you. I suggest couple counselling. This is non negotiable. I’d want to see why he felt a last hurrah was necessary. 

Stop with the wedding plans until you trust him again. 

Post # 19
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I divorced my ex due to his porn & sex addiction. I’d run far, far away from this. Can I ask how old you both are? 

Post # 20
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

Which part of this relationship is “perfect?”

Post # 21
Member
1234 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

View original reply
weddingmaven :  Exactly what I was going to say. I can not stand when people think sex has to be involved for it to be cheating. 

Post # 22
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

He already did cheat. And he’ll do it again. And with the porn and sex addiction, I’d never trust him. Personally, I’d leave this relationship. 

Post # 23
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

You really think he didn’t have sex with her? That they just walked around all day/night while his privacy setting were up? Really? Sure. 

Post # 24
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

You should kick this guy out before noon today. Why would you put up with this?

Post # 25
Member
7903 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
bluegal04 :  What do you do after learning your Fiance just dated another woman? At the very least you postpone your wedding. 

Your relationship isn’t/wasn’t perfect and leading with that is troubling. There are no perfect people and there are no perfect relationships. 

Post # 3
Member
2957 posts
Sugar bee

The advice will be the same here as in the other thread.

Post # 4
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

Please reread your opening line..”Me and fiance have the perfect relationship”.. and he’s cheating on you??? You need to reevaluate where your priorities are and why you accept this.

Post # 5
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

His “opportunity for a ‘last hoorah'” was before you two started dating. It’s crazy to me that people put up with this shit. 

Post # 6
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

Girl, are you ever going to let this go?  Because I personally wouldn’t.  It would stick in the back of my mind and come out in passive aggressive ways forever.  Don’t sign up for that.  It’s not your fault if you cancel the wedding.  He put you in this position.

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