Post # 1
I just joined today because i needed some help. So heres the story:
Even before i was engaged, my fiance and i always talked about not having any kids at our wedding. Its a personal choice, and im sticking to what i want. We both have huge families, so i decided to tell my brother and sister (who is also my MOH) early on that im going to have a wedding reception with adults only, as they are my only close family members with kids.
My sister has a 4 year old, who she leaves either with her sons fathers family or friends often to go out clubbing. She definately doesnt have trouble leaving him somewhere, but for my wedding she keeps saying “NO! i dont have anyone to leave him with”. I told her quietly im telling her in advance in order for her to work it out. She sent me a long msg about how she “just cant leave him anywhere”. At all the other weddings weve gone as a family to, she ussually gets drunk and my fiance and i have taken care of her son. She wouldnt remember this, and i feel bad that if on my wedding day since she will be in the bridal party someone is going to be taking care of her son all day.
Secondly, my brother who on another note i actually felt bad about. Again, i told him in advance so he would be prepared- but he sent me a long text about how he felt it was important for his son (who is 1years old) to be there with us to experience my wedding day. Now i know that as a new father he is probably feeling defenive, but i cant imagine a 1year old experiencing anything with us. I felt so bad after reading my brother and sisters msgs i couldnt stop crying.
Am i doing somethig wrong here? these are the ACTUAL reasons they gave me for not approving my adults only reception (Kids will be involved in the church ceremony). Has anyone else experienced bad reactions from telling guests your wedding reception is adults only?
Post # 3
No, this is your decision to make, so don’t feel bad. You’re right that a 1-year old can’t really “experience” the wedding, and I’d think a wedding reception is too loud (and usually too late) for a kid that age to make it through, so either your brother or his wife would have to leave early with the baby then. Maybe to soothe them you can arrange for a babysitter for your nephews in a room at the hotel or venue so that they’re nearby but not at the wedding itself?
Post # 4
This is your brother and sister, no wonder they are upset. Since these family members are very close to you I feel as if they deserve to be at your wedding.
Post # 5
I feel as thoughIT’SYOUR WEDDING. If you and your fi have decided this then sick to it. Learn this Phrase, ” no I’m sorry but ( whatevethose issue is )will not be possible.”
Ssnt from my iphone
Post # 6
Kids that age won’t even enjoy a wedding! Your sister’s being unreasonable, considering she usually gets drunk, not cool. Given her past behavior and the age of the child, she should be able to find someone to take care of him. As for your brother, I could understand if HE couldn’t find someone to watch the baby, as a one year old needs more parental supervision. His reason sounds kind of lame, though (what exactly is a 1 year old going to experience).
Post # 7
i support a child free wedding 100% but my only thoughts are these are your nephews and im guessing they feel your aim for a child free wedding is a rejection of their children/family
Post # 8
Your brother says he wants his 1 year old to enjoy your day? You should break it to him that a 1 year old cant understand whats going on.. plus, why would anyone want to subject their 1 year old or 4 year old to a wedding reception with loud music and an open bar with adults drinking..it makes no sense! If it did, your sister would bring her 4 year old clubbing with her!
Post # 9
Stick to your guns. You’re not wrong. Don’t feel guilty, because their is no reason to. This is their issue not yours.
Post # 10
We’re not inviting anyone under 21 except FI’s brother who is in highschool. So FI’s college cousins aren’t invited. I just stopped discussing it with people. I just said we can’t afford it and left it at that. If we went into more detail people thought it was something we were willing to reconsider.
Post # 11
Hold out woman! Don’t worry, it’s your day and you know what you want. I understand both not wanting kids at your wedding, and honestly when I was a kid I hated them too and worse yet made sure everyone knew it. You’re helping not only yourselves, but also your other guests by keeping them from having to take care of young children.
Post # 12
It’s your wedding and if you don’t want kids there they should respect that. Next time your sister goes to the club ask her if that person can watch her son for the wedding. A 1 year old needing to experience a wedding? Who can remember their birthday party when they were 2? Just be firm and say NO! I would even explain why because it doesn’t matter why you are having an Adult Only Reception the only thing that matters is that’s what you want and you are giving them advance notice to make arrangments.
Post # 13
I have never been to a no children reception and think it’s odd that you do that in the US.
I am actually encouraging everyone to bring their children to my wedding as I personally think that they make it so much cheerful and lovely, I’m thinking of hiring entertainers and a nanny for them so the parents can also enjoy the wedding 100% without having to be with their kids all the time.
BUT, I think if you have decided on something, they will have to respect that. I don’t see how it would make any difference to you, but I guess you have your reasons and you don’t even need to explain yourself to them, just tell them that you have decided on that and you’re sorry for the inconvenience.
Everyone can find a nanny… It’s a bad excuse they’re giving you.
Post # 14
It takes a lot of gall for any parent to expect that their children are welcome everywhere. Some events are child free. They have no right to argue with your expressed desire for a child free wedding. They have loads of time to line up a sitter. If your sister can go to a child free club, she can attend a child free wedding.
Challenge your brother to recall one thing that happened in his life when he was one. Ask him to recall the details any social event, Christmas etc. I’ll bet my RRSP that he can’t do it. Neither will his son have any recall of your wedding, so what’s the point of experiencing it?
Post # 15
stick to your guns hun.
We have set a age limit of 15 and up for our reception as we know that they wont enjoy it and in the end the parents would love to to have a night out alone! Our paige boy (3) was going to be coming but they have since decided to leave him with one of his sets of grandparents (which in a way makes me a little happy as they all dote on him and no offence to them as its fine normally but thats our day not for him to take over.)
Post # 16
You’re doing nothing wrong, seriously.
I have kids and I’m not against a child free reception at all. Most kids get bored, frustrated and upset at weddings, which means the parents usually have a bad time and end up leaving early.
If you want to have children then by all means do so, but you have to cater for them. Have a room for them and someone to keep them amused. Expecting the kids to have a good time at a wedding is crazy.
I don’t know one child who enoys sitting around all day/night in uncomfy clothes, watching adults drink and talk.