- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
When I saw the post title, I thought “I could have written the same thing.” Had a MAJOR blow-up with my brother and SIL-they misunderstood and thought we were excluding their child specifically because he has developmental delays- it was HORRIFIC. (My Mom ended up having to intervene, because I didn’t think they were coming to the wedding, and that my brother and I would be estranged)
You have every right to say who will and will not be at the wedding. It does seem a little odd that you have kids at the ceremony, though- older kids? (we’re not having children at either) If we allowed kids, we would have had ten ages five and under. My vows are the most important thing I will have done to this point in my life, and no, I don’t want that special, sacred moment disturbed by a temper tantrum/wailing.
I’m finding babysitters for our out of town guests- maybe you have friends that aren’t invited to the wedding, whom you could ask to babysit? Neither child is going to remember you wedding day. Is there a room at the reception venue that could be set up for the kids?
If your parents agree with you (and I really hope they do), it might help to have them talk to your siblings. My brother had assumed that my wedding was going to be like his- a daytime event. When Mom told him that it was an an evening affair, with dinner starting around my nephew’s bedtime, it changed his tune. Also, our venue is not kid-friendly- it’s in a museum, and you can NOT touch- they would have had to hold his hand the entire time-would not have been a fun night for any of them.
Another perspective: My brother and SIL don’t take my nephew to church, or to nice restaurants. Which is basically what our wedding will be- a religious service (not in a church, but still…), and fine dining. If a child isn’t normally brought to those places, your wedding’s not the right place for a test run.
I’ve told 3 other mothers that it’s “no children,” and have had no grief from them. I think the issue is FAMILY- there’s that fine line of “you’re family, so you HAVE to be invited” (another challenge we’re going to have with FMIL)
Whew! I’m still really emotional about this (happened over a month ago, and it will affect these family relationships for a long time), but I’m glad we stuck to what WE wanted (like you, we made this decision over a year ago, seeing kids at another wedding). It’s OUR day.
Your brother and sister have time- hopefully they’ll be adults and get over it. Good luck!