(Closed) Help, No children at wedding (very bad reactions)

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 33
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Its your wedding. Unless you’re close to the kids relationship-wise, I don’t think its a big deal to have an adults only affair. You’re paying for it, so you have control over who gets to come and who doesn’t. Period.

Post # 34
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We are allowing kids at our reception, but family only. My Fiance and I have a lot of nieces and nephews (~15) all of which we are really close to. Most will be part of the ceremony and since the ceremony and reception are at the same place with no break in between I will have them stay. I am hiring sitters to watch the kids after dinner in a different room within the venue. My FI’s sister will leave her youngest son at home with a sitter because she knows he will be a handful at the wedding. Parents should have good judgement on bringing kids. But just in case, I’ll have this separate room ready for them and keep them all contained! This way everyone will enjoy themselves and have a good time.

Post # 35
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m not allowing kids at my reception either.  However, if parents bring (well behaved) children to the ceremony, I’m fine with that.  Pretty much everyone is out of town, so we hired a nanny service for some of the kids, because the older relatives that would usually watch them will be attending the wedding. I didn’t want to pay for the nanny all day (we have a 2.5 hour gap), so people traveling with kids can bring them to the ceremony and then drop them off at our suite at 6, when the cocktail hour begins.

I think your brother and sister are being ridiculous, but if you want to keep the peace, then try to find a baby sitter or a nanny service.  Are you staying at a hotel?  Most hotels can refer you to someone. 

Post # 36
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Future MrsB:  I agree…maybe the compromise is to get a babysitter to watch the OP’s brother and sister’s children. 

At the end of the day though, it is your wedding and your choices. You do not get to dictate other couples choices when you go to their wedding so why should anyone else dictate yours? If you feel like having a child -free wedding then stick to your guns. Make it your day as a couple.  

Post # 37
Member
2294 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

An argument that’s as old as weddings themselves:

Over-entitled parents thinking that their children should be invited and accepted EVERYWHERE.

Your wedding, your rules. If you don’t want kids there, then you don’t want kids there. Period. If this woman can go out clubbing and leave her kids behind, she can enjoy a wedding and reception without causing a stink as well.

A 1 yr old will not have an experience. Chances are strong that a 1 yr old WILL have a miserable time, be bored, have a poopy diaper and/or a need to scream it’s little head off the whole time. On the flipside, a 1 yr old may sleep peacefully the entire time and be a total joy, but realisiticly this won’t happen. Nor is it the point.

Ugh. Stick to your guns!

Post # 38
Member
6302 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

We’re going child free. So far, no one has had the balls to complain about it to us personally. They can bitch all they want to others, and if they’re so offended they don’t have to come.

Honestly, I’m SO sick of seeing people get offended about kid free weddings (not anyone here, just people in general who think their kids should be included in everything). Fiance has a huge family, and most of them have at least 3-4 kids each. If we invited our family and friends + kids we’d have easily 50 kids there. I’m sorry, but I’m not cutting friends (that we actually WANT to spend our wedding day with) to accommodate the children of people we rarely see or kids we don’t even interact with. We’re having a large, late evening wedding, with full bar, in a location that isn’t exactly kid friendly. 

A good majority of our guest list is coming from out of town, and I do plan to hire and pay for sitters who will be on property (it’s at a resort community) as well as food for the kids.

Post # 39
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My only nephew will be two weeks shy of his first birthday when we get married and I even said no to that. It’s YOU and your FI’s day. Do what you want. If you are pushed into doing something that others want and you don’t you will regret it. Stick to your guns!

Post # 40
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

OP, I completely think you are in the right…

However, if the children are invited to the ceremony, then your family members might have trouble actually getting the children to their respective babysitters in between the ceremony and reception.  That sounds like a logistical nightmare if someone who is not invited to wedding can’t come and pick the children up and take them away or arrange to watch them at the hotel, etc.  If the kids weren’t invited to the wedding at all, then it would be easier for people to arrange for a sitter for the whole evening.  When I was young, my uncle got married and we all went to the ceremony and then someone had to cart all us kids back to the house, the sitter had to get there, the family member then had to go back to the wedding, and missed out on taking pictures with the family while in transit.  Just a thought…

Post # 41
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@inspiredcreations: After readin this I thought, “then why have them at the ceremony”?

There’s a good chance kids will cry or moan (I did. I remember as a kid crying at a ceremony because it was boring – I was 5 and Im sure I embarrassed my mom)

Not only that.. kids wont care for a ceremony.. they wont understand it and even if they did they wont have an interest in it. If it’s a 1 hour Catholic ceremony, good luck hoping they stay well behaved and to not get restless and whine.

Post # 42
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ok I was the kid who was traumatized by being not invited to a wedding and my parents had to attend. My mothers cousin had his wedding on my birthday and I am pissed to this day. The only reason hes invited to my wedding is he wont come and the shower gift will be a good one (I know thats not proper but really Im still hurt). 

I agree that maybe your niece and nephew should stay at home that nite. Maybe your sisters baby sitter can also take care of your nephew? Good luck

Post # 43
Member
1874 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

What Fiance and I have decided to do, since the only kids we actually DO want to be there are our nieces and nephews, we are letting people know that only the nieces and nephews of the B&G are to be present at the wedding. We do what we want. I dont really care about etiquette. Etiquette is not paying for this wedding.

Post # 44
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Try having 11 Neices and Nephews and the parents wanting them all to come …. sign 🙁  I know how ya feel

Post # 45
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Lovelysweethappy:  I totally feel you on this one. (I’m having the same problem by the way). But here’s the thing that has been helping me deal so hopefully it will help you too. You and your Fiance are the hosts at this “party”. Therefore, you alone are entitled to make the decisions regarding this because it is YOUR wedding….not theirs, but yours. And as long as your Fiance is on your side with this, then the two of you need to stick to your guns. Family or no, they are guests, and as such do not get to make demands on the hosts. Too many people IMO think that if they cry/whine enough then they will get what they want. DO NOT GIVE IN or you will be reinforcing that bad behavior. IMO, your brother and sister are being selfish. They are only considering their wants/needs for basically a party that YOU are throwing. Maybe it’s time you remind them of their bad behavior and how much fun they’ll have without said precious one.

As many other bees told me when I pleaded for help, how the two of you deal with problems (and there will be some…it’s just the way it goes) will determine what kind of bond you two have. Stand your ground…..and I promise you, it’ll all be worth it. Remember that this is YOUR wedding and it is about YOU and your Fiance and the memories that you will be creating that day. What do you envision for that day? If it’s no kids…..so be it. Your guests have an option. They may choose to respect your wishes and abide by them or check the decline box on the invite. The decision is theirs.

 

Good luck! Keep us posted of the progress.

Post # 46
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2007

I haven’t read all of the comments, but I see the general consensus is that you have the right to do what you want; it’s your wedding, right?  Well, I’m going through this right now…my sister & her Fiance do not want my kids, their only nephews (and my sister is my son’s Godmother) at their wedding.  Let me tell you, from a former bride, and now a mom, not welcoming your nieces or nephews, regardless of age, is the most hurtful thing you can possibly do to your brother or sister.  It feels like my sister has told me that she doesn’t want ME at her wedding…that is how hurtful and heartbreaking this feels.  If it wasn’t for me promising my grandma that I would attend her wedding (I’m her MOH), I wouldn’t go at all.  If you don’t get it now, you will in marriage…it’s not always about you, not even on your wedding day.  If you are ready to take the potential, and very possible, hurt relationships and feelings that will continue well beyond your wedding day, then continue thinking that not including your nieces and/or nephews is an okay decision to make.  There are no words to express how heartbroken I am over my sister’s decision not to welcome my kids at her wedding…no words… 

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