(Closed) Help, No children at wedding (very bad reactions)

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 77
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I initially wanted the same deal.  My fiance and I agreed and we told everyone no kids.  Then we realized that we are only having 45 ppl at the wedding and to not let those people bring their kids is kind of stingy.  Plus, we love children and want a house filled with them one day and to start our life together with any other message was a little odd.  We told everyone who has kids that the can bring them and we are thrilled. We are now expecting 8 children total.  Once we accepted that we started to have fun with the idea. We are setting up a station all to themselves with coloring books, nerf balls, and giant bubbles.  Don’t feel bad though if you really put your foot down on the issue.  I say anyone who gets offended by the way I am running my wedding can pay for their own meal lol.  The truth is, you probably aren’t offending anyone.  Any parent I know would be thrilled for an excuse to get away from the kids for one night and dance and drink with a bunch of grown ups.  Maybe if you spin it off that way instead of some exclusive club their kids are not invited to they will be more open.   

Post # 78
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This is all ridiculous… this is YOUR wedding!  i am not having kids at my wedding and i have a 4 year old nephew and a 8 month old neice!  My sister completely understands and knows that children can become a distraction (especially during a ceremony) A 1 year old not being able to experience his aunts wedding?  gimme a break…

Post # 79
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s your wedding, and you get to decide who to invite.  Your brother and sister are guests (though if they are supposed to be in the wedding party they would be very honored guests) and they get to decide whether or not they want to come without their sons.  Either side can choose to be hurt by the others decision.  

 

Post # 80
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

stick to your guns were having no children at our wedding. only our three kids that we have between us are attending.

Post # 81
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I seriously don’t understand the sense of entitlement some people with children have. It’s ridiculous. If the bride and groom don’t want children at their wedding, respect their wishes. It’s not that hard. We’re not having any children at our wedding, and that includes my fiance’s three nieces (twins who will be 1 and a 2 year old). We weren’t going to risk toddlers ruining our ceremony, and we didn’t want them at the reception (kids change the vibe of a wedding). Most of our friends don’t have kids, and the ones that do aren’t the type to bring them everywhere they go.

Post # 82
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m surprised by all of the comments here. I’m an older bride and many of my guests have children who are grown, so my only issue was my twin godchildren who will be 18 years old. When I asked my Fiance if he wanted his grandchildren in the wedding (3 and 1 years old), he said no, and he didn’t want them at the reception either.  The last wedding I attended had a lot of kids, and unfortunately a few were really disruptive, but I blame that on bad parenting and people not minding their children’s behavior in public which happens every time most of us go to a restaurant or a store in the US. My parents wouldn’t take me out in public until I learned how to behave, and I didn’t attend a wedding until I was 12 years old.

Post # 83
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We made the decision of no kids as well and it is hard! But it’s your day and there is nothing wrong with doing what you want to do!!

Post # 84
Member
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i don’t understand how family/guests can be so disrespectful of the bride and groom’s decision for “no kids” at their wedding.  it should be cut and dry.  no discussion.  this is the way it is.  period.   i would never consider going against the hosts’ requests.

Post # 85
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We are having a “no kids allowed” wedding as well. We had bad reactions. “You don’t want niece to be your flowergirl? OMG!” Right, we don’t want kids there, she’s 3 and won’t remember it anyway. We had a few others freak out about it. Well, the wedding is in 2 weeks and it’s a non issue now. It doesn’t even come up in conversation. Everyone has accepted it and moved on.

Post # 86
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I don’t get why this is a big deal, or why some parents think their kids should go EVERYWHERE.  And to those of you who think weddings are family events … not everyone’s wedding is a “family” event.  Yes, both my Fiance and I will have family and friends there, but my wedding is NOT a family reunion.  I’m not inviting a lot of my cousins and aunts and uncles because I haven’t seen or spoken to them in over ten years.  My sister’s two children aren’t invited to my wedding and she could care less.  She’s leaving them with her Mother-In-Law and told me even if I invited them, she wouldn’t bring them.  She’s my Maid/Matron of Honor and wants a night out with her husband.  My FI’s nephews aren’t invited.  There are behavior issues on both his side and mine with the kids, but we just don’t want kids there.  We even (GASP) put “All guests age 16 and over please.” on our invitations.  I’m sorry, but I don’t want a child who was running circles around our table and then poking his mother in the head with a fork while we were out to dinner at my wedding, and neither does my Fiance.  Or the child who has learned that he has to scream at a high pitch at the top of his lungs to get attention.  YES, I know this is a parenting issue, but that doesn’t mean I should have to suffer the consequences of poor parenting.

 

@Mommy … if your sister isn’t having ANY KIDS at her wedding, you need to stop taking personal offense.  If she said, “Sister, I’m sorry, but I don’t want YOUR KIDS at my wedding, but I’m inviting everyone else’s kids,” then you have a right to be offended.  Sharing blood ties as family doesn’t give you the right to do as you wish and behave as you wish at all times.

Post # 87
Member
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Your siblings need to stuff it! 

Plain and simple, you’re not doing anything wrong, and they need to respect that this is YOUR day.  

Your brother is the easy one– tell him his child can “experience” the day at the ceremony, and be sure to include your nephew in pictures etc. to show your support for including him.  But explain to your borther that the reception will not be kid friendly, alcohol consumption is a good reason to state, also, if you’re having music, the babies ears will probably apprecieate being elsewhere. 

As for your sister– same goes.  Tell her this is what’s happening, and you are giving her enough notice to hire a sitter or make arrangements.  If you feel so inclned– there are services where you can hire a licensed nanny for a day to watch the kid(s) and allow parents to play.  A friend did this for their wedding, and arranged it ahead of time with 1 of the guests who were parents– the nanny went to their hotel suite and other guests with kids dropped them off before going to the reception.  The cost was then split between all of the parents, and it ended up being like $20 each for a full night of sitting. 

There are of course those people who wont come if it’s kids only.  For example, I have 2 friends who are both pregnant and due in the next month– my wedding is in 2 1/2 months; so with a brand new baby, they can’t leave it at home.  Realizing this, I decided to have a kid friendly reception, because having them and the other kids who are big in my life present is important to ME.  

But this is YOUR wedding– not your sister’s, and not your brother’s.  They need to respect your wishes and make arrangements. 

Post # 88
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I attended a wedding at age 1. I toddled down the aisle myself as a flowergirl and sat silently through the whole event. My dad brought a bag of Jelly tots just in case though. I attended the first part of the reception and then went to sleep. I don’t remember it to be fair, I have memories from 2 but not 1. 

I was also taken to restaurants and often had strangers comment on my perfect behaviour. 

 

My point is, not all children are the same. Some can’t sit still, some can behave better than some adults I know. I see a lot of blanket statements assuming that children under 5 can’t behave but I know from experience that isn’t true. Myself my sister and my two cousins were always invited to every event because we never tantrumed or played up, not even once. It depends on the individual child entirely. If a parent knows their child gets restless easily they should bring distractions in advance and be prepared to take them outside. Its about knowing your child and being realistic about their behaviour. 

Children are not seperate beings from adults, its just one of many stages of life and being an adult doesn’t mean you are going to be decently behaved, especially if alcohol is involved. If someone wants no children thats their decision but I think its a blanket statement that ignores the capabilities of each person included under it and that’s always bound to get someone riled up, 

Post # 89
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m all for child-free weddings, does my head when people get their knickers in a twist about it …

But, I think you can say ‘child-free’ to everyone else but that rule doesn’t apply to nieces and nephews because they are such close family. That way, your sis and bro are happy and you get to have your nieces and nephews there and if anyone else doesn’t like it they can jog on

Post # 90
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I went through the exact opposite.  I wanted my niece and nephew at the wedding and while my brother and SIL allowed them to be in the ceremony, they didn’t want them at the reception so they could cut loose.  LOL. My 2.5 year old niece attended the reception, though, and was far from disruptive and was soooo super cute on the dance floor.  She held her arms out and twirled in the same spot for 10 minutes, it was great.  I can’t imagine someone expecting their kids to attend, I guess my bro and SIL don’t feel like their children need to go everywhere with them.  That is nice and I will no longer take it for granted…..

Post # 91
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

*high five for a child free wedding and reception* I don’t like crying babies in a church – GET YOUR LOUD SPAWN OUT OF MY CEREMONY! Plus receptions are WAY TOO LOUD for children. My FI’s family always has these loud LOUD receptions with blaring music and it pisses me off to see these little babies and tiny kidlettes in a LOUD enclosed space, with adults who are drinking WAY too much, plus they stay up til like 1AM. WTF. Leave the kid at home. You told people in advance, plus there are these things called BABYSITTERS that one can utilize in a time of need. Tell her to GTFO it.

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