Post # 1
When I first got engaged I decided that I wasn’t going to have a bridal party. I felt like it would be too difficult to pick only a few friends to be part of my wedding party and I also feel like there is responsibility that comes along with being apart of the bridal party, and I just want everyone to have fun and enjoy the day and not feel obligated to buy a dress I pick out and feel broke/stressed or have hurt feelings over my wedding.
When I announced my plan to a few of my friends, they were shocked and their feelings were hurt (which is what I was trying to avoid). They thought they would be apart of the bridal party and was disappointed that I wouldn’t be having one.
I know that I don’t want a traditional wedding with matching bridesmaids dresses and everyone lined up with me at the altar. We have a small space with a small guest list and I would like to keep it intimate with only my husband to be, myself and the officiant up front, but I would like to honor some of these girls that are special to me and have been so helpful during the process and that I know will be by my side as planning gets more intense.
Is there a way to include some of my friends as part of the wedding without having them stand up front with a bouquet? Also, I’m not sure that I want to call them bridesmaids/maid of honor, because they’re all equally important to me and I don’t want the ones not so involved to feel like they didn’t make the bridal party cut?
Any help/ advice out there?
Post # 3
@rolerkite: One of my friends didn’t want a bridal party but wanted her friends to feel involved, so she had them get dresses and got them corsages. They didn’t stand up there or anything but they helped out with planning and set up and everything and still felt very involved.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t ask them to get any particular dress if they are not “bridesmaids”.
Do you have a friend or family member who would recognize all these women and be able to help you? You could ask that friend to distribute a small bouquet or individual flower to each of these friends a s they enter for the ceremony.
You could attach a personalized tag saying what each of them means to you.
Post # 5
@julies1949: I like the flower idea. You could also invite them to get ready with you on the day of – obviously they don’t need to, but that’s one of my favorite things about being a bridesmaid.
Post # 6
thanks for the ideas lady. I really like the idea of giving them a flower/bouquet. @julies1949
One idea I was toying around with was having them walk down the aisle carrying lanterns rathern than bouquets as we are having a winter evening candlelit ceremony. They would carry the lantern in, set it up front to light the room and take a seat in the first row. But, if i go with this idea, I’d have to try and find a way to say, “i’m not having bridesmaids, but err you kinda are one, but not really”
Post # 7
@rolerkite: The lantern idea is great! Just tell them that ” if you were having attendants, you would have asked them, but seeing as you aren’t you would love for them to be part of the wedding” and ask them to do that for you. Frankly, you may find some of them will be relieved. They can wear a dress of their choice, and be part of the wedding but have no other formal duties.
Post # 8
I like the lantern idea! I also like the idea of giving them flowers to wear… I gave my readers flower corsages to pin to their dresses and they looked great. If you wanted, you could ask them to all wear black dresses or something – but I don’t think it’s necessary.
Post # 9
I am doing the same thing!! I have so many sisters (6) and so many good friends I have made through the years that it would just be too hard to have a wedding party. I have been a bridesmaid ten times and feel that I would hurt all 10 of those girls if they weren’t apart of my wedding party…. Eventually, we ended up deciding on having just a family ONLY wedding because our list was getting into the 400s. A lot of people have been offended and liek you said it was what I intended NOT to do, but we are having a huge party on our 1 year anniversary for all of our friends and family. My FH has been married before and has a 7 year old son and I have never been set on a huge wedding with all of the attention on me- so this idea worked perfect for us. His son is going to be the best man and that is my entire wedding party! To honor my sisters (what you could do for your friends) – I am having them stay in a suite with me the night before and paying for their hair and make up to be done for the wedding. This way it will still be fun and have that “wedding party feel” the day of for all of us 🙂
Good Luck and don’t let anyone make you feel bad into changing what YOU want for YOUR wedding! XO
Post # 10
Maybe I’m just being uncooperative, but I wouldn’t cave and try to mold these ladies into pseudo-BMs just because they are shocked/hurt/whatever. You are the bride and it is a small, intimate wedding. I’m not having a bridal party and initially FI’s sister was shocked but she realized it is our day and we didn’t want one. My thought is that if they are real friends, they would be excited that you are getting married and less concerned about the pomp and circumstance of it all. I have a lot of friends that have offered their help and stood by my side through all of this and there hasn’t been any talks of being designated as Bridesmaid or Best Man because of their help.
With this in mind, maybe you can incorporate them in other decidedly not traditional Bridesmaid or Best Man ways, such as a reader during the ceremony. In addition, if one is a good singer, maybe she would be willing to be a soloist either during the ceremony or the reception. They can also be asked to give a toast at the RH or something.