Post # 1
My wedding is a little less than a year away and I’ve decided to NOT have a maid of honor. I’m from Pennsylvania and my wedding is taking place in Michigan. Two of my bridesmaids are from Michigan and one is from Pennsylvania. None of them have met, in fact, none of the groomsmen have met, but that’s another story. None of my bridesmaids are throwing bridal showers, bachelorette parties, etc. and I don’t expect them to because I don’t think its their responsibility. My wedding, I guess is considered a “destination wedding,” so I’d rather them save the time and effort to get there rather than burden them with doing other things. My mother and aunt are throwing my bridal shower in Pennsylvania and my FI’s mother is doing an online Skype bridal shower for me (oh the perks of technology), since it is 740 miles one way to get there. I don’t have many close girlfriends because I moved around a lot in the past to seasonal jobs all over during the summer, so you tend to lose touch with people. I don’t like the idea of picking your favorite because I don’t have anyone THAT close to me. These girls are close enough to be in my wedding, but not close enough to be named a maid of honor and I don’t want to hurt anyones feelings.
Is this weird? Have you been to a wedding with no maid of honor? I’m trying to figure out how I’ll do certain things. Surely my mother can sign as a witness. But usually the maid of honor holds the bouquet, fixes the dress, holds the grooms ring. Does anyone have any ideas I can do certain things since I’m not having a maid of honor???
Post # 3
A lot of people don’t. I have 6 BMs and no Maid/Matron of Honor. Not all my BMs knew each other before we went dress shopping but we set up a facebook chat for all of us and they formed some really great friendships that I didn’t even expect. I’m planning to divide the typical Maid/Matron of Honor duties among them, but I’ll figure that out closer to the wedding.
Post # 4
Just hand your bouquet to the Bridesmaid or Best Man who will stand closest to you. She can do all the other Maid/Matron of Honor duties that you mentioned. They really aren’t any big deal. Your mom can be your witness, as you said.
Post # 5
Just so you know I”m not having a maid of honor either becasue i could decide between my 4 girls and I didn’t want to offend anyone either. With all of the other stuff just have either your mother, family or your bridemaids do it! 🙂
Post # 6
i’m having six bridesmaids and no maid of honor- do what works for you! 🙂
Post # 7
I didn’t pick one for mostly the same reason. I like each for their own reasons, why compare? 🙂
I made sure I got all of them connected (two were friends already) via facebook. They schemed to do something for our bachelorette time (picked up cake balls, perfect for me!) and I ordered them for the processional in terms of height in the heels they were going to wear so we could have a definitive order. The Best Man (DH’s brother) had both rings and the Bridesmaid or Best Man closest to me fixed my trail and held the “mondo bouquet” as they called it.
I don’t remember PA’s requirements but in TX I didn’t even need a witness beyond the officiant. And if so I was going to have my brother sign since Darling Husband would have had his brother sign for him.
Post # 8
I’m so happy to see this post! I don’t think I want a Maid/Matron of Honor because my sister and I aren’t that close and my friend who I would want as Maid/Matron of Honor is planning to start a family next year so I’d hate to impose Maid/Matron of Honor duty on her. I think I’d just assign certain duties to each girl based on what I think would interest them and what they’d be good at. Also all of my prospective BMs (haven’t asked them yet) live in different states so I don’t expect them to be able to do as much and travel for a shower, bachelorette AND the wedding… so why not do things a little differently all around?
Side question: should I still ask my friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, or is it better to ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and then elevate her status to Maid/Matron of Honor depending on how things work out for her next year with starting a family? Not sure what’s appropriate on that one…
Post # 9
@Macchiato:there’s not really an appropriate way. It’s your wedding. your sister and you are not as close as you and your friend. I wouldn’t make my sister a Maid/Matron of Honor because she’s my sister. MY sister isnt invited to my wedding, BUT if she was and I had her in my wedding party I’d make her a bridesmaid because she’s not as close as my one friend I wanted as a moh
Post # 10
I haven’t and won’t pick on. My best friend now lives in the same city as me. And works with me. My best friend from when I was 4 lives an hour away, and it’s not fair for her to be so far away, and have all these jobs. And my sister lives 2 hours away, so no Maid/Matron of Honor here for me.
Post # 11
I agree with you i dont feel its my bm or Maid/Matron of Honor responsibility to throw me parties! but that ish is important to a lot of girls! whatevr, i personally dont care and when I ask my bm and Maid/Matron of Honor i will tell them not to worry about those traditional roles. I am a grown woman, not 20, totally over it! It is YOUR wedding, you can have whatever you want!!!
Post # 12
I’m not having a Maid/Matron of Honor either… just 4 bridesmaids =)
Post # 13
just chiming in on the other side:
things tend to run a lot more smoothly when someone is “in charge”. i am currently in a bridal party with no Maid/Matron of Honor and while i totally get WHY she didnt choose one (2 of us are childhood bffs-no way to pick one without hurting the other in her eyes) i have found myself wishing off and on that she would have picked ANYONE just to speed things along. even small stuff like shower invitations went from a simple choice to a chain of 57 emails (no lie!!) debating possible choices.
6 women with 6 different styles from different stages of the bride’s life, all on some level wanting to own a bit of the “best bridesmaid ever” title has made things a LOT more complicated!
Post # 14
I am not picking an Maid/Matron of Honor either, and I asked about it here too 🙂 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-moh-2
I figure I can have the jobs split up between a few people really. And my mom is planning my shower with help from whoever wants to help, but she’s in charge. It’s mostly the day-off stuff I’ll split up, witness, speech, holding bouquet, etc.
Post # 15
My sisters will be my bridesmaids and I can’t pick one of them over the other, that’s for damn sure! I’m expecting that since they both live out-of-province and because they’re younger, my mom will kinda step up as a behind-the-scenes Maid/Matron of Honor and help my sisters with bridesmaid stuff.
Post # 16
I’m not having a Maid/Matron of Honor either. And the only thing I’m unsure about at the moment is who will give a speech at the reception. I think I may ask them as a whole if someone would prefer to give a speech.