Post # 1
When my fi proposed last christmas i was immediatly in a dilemma who do i pick for my moh.??? My bf who im with all the time,talk to 10 times a day or my cousin that i am close with…. So i picked both. Fast forward a year later my bf is constantly calling me with ideas, searching for things even when i don’t ask, calling me on her days off to see what we can accomplish,and…planned me an amazing bachelorett party. My other moh doesn’t even ask me a thing about the wedding when we talk.Let me fill u in on her story… right around the time i got engaged (she was a mother of a 2yr old and 5mths preg) she found out she had breast cancer. Last mth she had a mastoidectomy and on the road to recovery 🙂 so i understand she is very busy with her own life. So here is my dilemma, i have asked my cousin several times to order her dress (my wedding is in may) and she keeps saying she will when she has money, my other moh called her about my bach party but told her she would handle everything even pay for me she just has to show up (my cousin tells me after she might not have $$.) And my other moh is trying to plan shower and is pretty much doing that on her own! Do i offer my cousin an out in a very nice way explaining i just don’t want to add more to her plate, do i go pay for her dress and just keep working with my other moh and pray she understands ( which she totally does, its just alot on her) HELP!! what do i do???
Post # 3
I’d choose the latter, honestly. I get feeling frustrated, but you said it yourself–your cousin has lots on her plate (some of which, while I hate to admit it, are bigger issues than planning showers and bachelorette parties). I don’t think someone should choose a bridal party based upon their organizational/party planning skills. You chose her because she means a lot to you and having her stand next to you on your special day matters to you. Understandably, with 2 kids and cancer, money is tight and I imagine she might feel embarrassed by her situation. I would pay for her dress and remember what’s most important after all.
Post # 4
I would offer to pay for her dress and just be happy and thankful she can be there to stand up with you on the day (so many battles with breast cancer do not end happily). Your bridal party isn’t required to do anything but get a dress and stand there on the day of – anything extra is really nice, but shouldn’t be expected. And with everything she’s going through, I think any way you tried asking/telling her to “bow out” would be incredibly hurtful and probably damage your relationship.
Your other Maid/Matron of Honor is stepping up and being helpful, which is great! Let her help, thank her for it, and be there for your cousin so she can be a part of your wedding. You asked her because she means a lot to you, so just keep that at the forefront of your mind. I can tell you just want the best for her, so remember that it’ll probably be a great thing for her to do something normal and happy like be in her close cousin’s wedding 🙂
Best of luck.
Post # 5
Thanks, that’s what i was feeling. I’m just greatful that she will be there and in no way would i want to hurt her feeling, but i also don’t want her feeling put out by my wedding. Thanks ladies
Post # 6
Buy her a dress and let her feel like a beautiful Maid/Matron of Honor on the day. She is probably really struggling with her self-esteem at the moment. My mum had breast cancer and she didn’t want to even leave the house, let alone wear anything that clung to her breats – or lack thereof. That’s probably something to keep in mind.
It’s so wonderful she’s still here with you to share this day. Especially for her young children.