(Closed) HELP!!!! not sure how to handle moh issue

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’d choose the latter, honestly.  I get feeling frustrated, but you said it yourself–your cousin has lots on her plate (some of which, while I hate to admit it, are bigger issues than planning showers and bachelorette parties).  I don’t think someone should choose a bridal party based upon their organizational/party planning skills.  You chose her because she means a lot to you and having her stand next to you on your special day matters to you.  Understandably, with 2 kids and cancer, money is tight and I imagine she might feel embarrassed by her situation.  I would pay for her dress and remember what’s most important after all. 

Post # 4
2755 posts
Sugar bee

I would offer to pay for her dress and just be happy and thankful she can be there to stand up with you on the day (so many battles with breast cancer do not end happily). Your bridal party isn’t required to do anything but get a dress and stand there on the day of – anything extra is really nice, but shouldn’t be expected. And with everything she’s going through, I think any way you tried asking/telling her to “bow out” would be incredibly hurtful and probably damage your relationship.

Your other Maid/Matron of Honor is stepping up and being helpful, which is great! Let her help, thank her for it, and be there for your cousin so she can be a part of your wedding. You asked her because she means a lot to you, so just keep that at the forefront of your mind. I can tell you just want the best for her, so remember that it’ll probably be a great thing for her to do something normal and happy like be in her close cousin’s wedding 🙂

Best of luck.

Post # 6
80 posts
Worker bee

Buy her a dress and let her feel like a beautiful Maid/Matron of Honor on the day.  She is probably really struggling with her self-esteem at the moment.  My mum had breast cancer and she didn’t want to even leave the house, let alone wear anything that clung to her breats – or lack thereof.  That’s probably something to keep in mind.

It’s so wonderful she’s still here with you to share this day.  Especially for her young children.

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