(Closed) Help now my family hates ex fiance after he called of engagement…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
310 posts
Helper bee

I think the first question is, how do YOU feel about the him calling off the proposal?  It sounds like you’re wanting to work and that you think you weren’t ready, either.  You could try explaining it that way to your family, that it was his call but that you’re okay with it and that you want to make sure that when you get married, it’s right and it will be permanent.  


But at the end of the day, they may never be okay with it.  The details of your relationship are the business of no one but you and your partner.

Post # 4
11270 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@faith0126:  how do you feel about him calling off the engagement?  i think your family needs to know the real reason why he did and how you feel about it.  if things were too rushed for him, your family needs to know this.

Post # 5
46677 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think your family needs to know anything. I am assuming you are a grown woman if you are old enough to get engaged.

I would ask my family to stay out of it, just as families should stay out of it whenever couples are having trouble. If you end up together, there will be a difficult relationship all around.

Post # 6
2602 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t know the story behind it, but I would have some negative opinions and questions myself. You’re an adult, so do what you wish and don’t expect your family to approve.

Post # 8
2602 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m sorry you’re hurting and not getting the support you need. Taking back a proposal is huge to me. I don’t think I could personally stay in the relationship, but I definitely understand not wanting to leave.

Post # 9
4921 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Familes want to protect. Espeically when it’s a daughter, sister etc. Without knowing the full situation, all they can see if that you’re hurting right now. The only cause they can see and blame is him. This is between two people, you and him. You can’t stop your family from wanting to protect you from hurt though. 

My advice not knowing the whole situation, is that love is not worth the drama. Sounds bad, yes. But life is too short to deal with big turmoil all the time. 

Post # 10
982 posts
Busy bee

@faith0126:  I am sorry you’re going through this. Your family is automatically programmed to hate anyone who hurts you, that’s just the way it is. 

It may seem like a cop out to them- will his work stress and financial problems resolve if you’re not together? Will it make things better? Usually not, seeing as though you don’t seem to be the cause of his stress. And that’s probably all your family can see. It may be that he can’t commit to a relationship while he’s got all these other issues going on. But at the same time, you want to know that you can work through things together when the going gets tough – that external stressors won’t mean the end of your relationship.

Post # 11
9115 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You’re experiencing exactly what a family is supposed to do. They protect what is important to them and they clearly think this isn’t right for you.

(un)fortunately, I’m assuming you’re an adult and you need to decide what is right for you. If this relationship is right for you, then stay with it. If it isn’t, get out.

Post # 12
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Hyperventilate: (Reply # 10) –> 100% THIS

I am a Mom… and IF my kids were Engaged, I’d be excited about their happiness.  IF then at some point their partner called it off, I’d be EQUALLY concerned about their happiness.

Engagement is the period of time that a couple prepares for Marriage, IT IS ALSO the period of time when the two families prepare to come together to support the two… as everyone blends into one GREATER family.

The fact that your Boyfriend or Best Friend called off the Engagement speaks volumes

IF you guys are NOT Engaged and therefore moving towards Marriage

WHERE does that leave your Relationship now.

THAT is the Question your Family is wondering, and the same one you need to be asking yourself.

It is UNUSUAL that a couple can regroup after a Withdrawn Proposal… I sure as heck couldn’t do it.

As it clearly would mean to me that I and my Partner weren’t on the same page, moving towards the same things

BUT ONLY YOU can work thru this, decide, live with the situation

In some ways you don’t have to explain your choices to anyone… BUT at the same time you have to realize that your Family WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER… even if some guy won’t.

(Sadly it is true… SOs come and go, but kids are forever)

That is IMO what they are trying to tell you… without so much as saying those words.

I’d put a bit more creedence into what they are feeling, as the loss of your Engagement, is a sort of loss for them as well

One that they obviously seem worth Questioning the whole idea of maintaining a relationship with

(( HUGS ))


Post # 13
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@faith0126:  Well the proof is in the pudding. If he wants to earn their trust back, it’ll take some time.

A similar thing happened to me and my ex and honestly I wish that I listened to my family and ditched him. I don’t know your circumstances, but be careful.

Post # 14
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

I seem to remember you posting about why your ex called off the engagement. Maybe it’ll help if you explain to your family that in all actuality, you caused him to call it off because you seemed to want to dictate everything. If nothing else, I’d tell you this…

if you want him back and you guys are going to work on getting back on track, your meddling family isn’t going to help the cause so either they behave appropriately or disappear.

Post # 15
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@faith0126:  the fact of the matter is that they have every right to be pissed off with him. You can’t expect them to fake being accepting of him and happy with your current relationship just because you are trying to work on things. Your ex fiance hurt you, and in truth, them. He did this all on his own, so instead of being frustrated that your family didn’t let him off the hook, just be greatful for how much they love you. If your fiance wants to mend his relationship with you, he’s also going to have to prove himself again to your family. That’s just how it goes.

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