(Closed) HELP!! Nursing entrance essay

posted 4 years ago in Paper
Post # 4
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Hey kweersten, just wanted to let you know two things: a) you’re not tagging bookwom correctly (her name doesn’t show up in blue) so she won’t get a message about this thread. I suggest you go into the other thread where you saw her edits and where you see her message you hit reply in your “leave a comment” section and talk to her there.

b) most schools and professions know that they’re the bomb. That is to say if you say I want to go to Harvard bc Harvard is awesome and prestigious and the best ever…they know that. (Same with “nursing”.) Admissions personnel know their stuff pretty well so great essays are never about YOU telling THEM how great they are. Au contraire, it’s about you telling them how great YOU are. What things/traits/characteristics/experiences YOU can being to the table. Makes sense? So you have a wonderful start of your essay: 1. How I was exposed to and hooked. Then, you do a complete change 2. How being bullied made me a better person. Then you try to tie those two together and go on the nursing is the best! tirade. Finally you get to the part they actually read: why they should choose YOU and you only go into that for a short paragraph.

Here are my suggestions:

– Pick one story and run with it for the entire essay unless you can actually tie them together cohesively wo it seeming as though you chopped two different paragraphs from two different essays and then wrote a third one to tie them in.

– Focus waaaaay more on how these experiences shaped you into someone who will become a superb nurse. Give specific details. For instance, you talk about empathy but fail to give supporting evidence about being empathetic, you talk about forgiveness but …see where I’m going? And sell yourself! They totally want you! Make them want you!

– it should read something like this

great opening traumatic experience

lesson learned that shows you have what it takes to be a nurse

example of how you have that skill

additional lesson learned that you will not just be good, you’ll be an asset to them

example of how you have that skill

tie in to their program (what challenges do you foresee? how will you overcome them?)

adulation (short) of their school and program 

Total excitement about being a part of them and collaborate to bring forth a new generation of kickass nurses.


Forgive me for the choppy sentences and spelling errors, I’m on my phone.

best of luck!

Post # 5
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

I finished my BSN and Chamberlain…great school!  I agree with the need to just stick with one event and tie into everything else from there.  I would leave out the bullying and stick to your sister’s experience.  Most nurses have had a traumatic experience that started their journey towards wanting to be able to do something to make a positive difference in the lives of others.  I think they will be able to relate more to that part of your essay than anything. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  orchidblooms.

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