(Closed) HELP – old friend advice. Letting go?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Bee
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

Because you have a long friendship history. I would honestly probably try to at least tell her how I feel. That her constant negativity is draining. That you can’t just drop everything to be with her. That your friendship with her is just not working anymore. If she gets angry and doesn’t take any accountability, then there is your answer right there. Delete her off of facebook, delete her number, if she keeps texting block it. Unfortunately there is no graceful way to let go of a friend. 🙁 It sucks.

Post # 5
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think I’d just slowly let the friendship die.  Stop hanging out with her and always responding to her texts. If she asks why– be honest. “You’re really negative right now and I can’t handle it.”

Sounds like she’ll take any excuse for drama and will probably cut the friendship for you.

Post # 6
Member
46329 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would tell her exactly how I was feeling, that although I care about her, the relationship is too draining and unless you can have some balance in the relationship, you will have to move on. ( I was going to say restore some balance but it doesn’t really sound like you ever had any)

Post # 7
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Arg- I typed out a whole response and accidentally deleted it.  >:(

It’s tough to lose a friend, especially someone who you used to be so close with.  I went through something similar with an old friend.  I stood up in her wedding when another friend backed out, gifted her $200 worth of her wedding day flowers (as well as arranged all of them- bouquets, corsages, bouts, and all), and was the only person besides her Mother-In-Law to go to dress fittings, hair and make up trials, and wedding related trips with her.  After her day was done, she refused to talk about planning my Fiance and my big day warning us that getting married is the worst thing we could ever do and would ignore me if I even tried to bring up the subject of our wedding.  Talk about a fair weathered friend!

I suggest sitting down and talking to your friend about it.  If she is a friend, she’ll listen and hopefully take what you tell her to heart.  If not, slowly backing away from your friendship is probably the best move you can make.  Trying to ignore her and being passive aggressive isn’t working, maybe this will.

Post # 8
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I would definetly just let the friendship fade away. You don’t owe anyone an explanation of why you didn’t respond to a text or why you aren’t available to hang out.

This happens with a lot of friendships. I am friends with exactly 1 person that I was friends with at 16. I don’t have negative feelings towards my old friends, we just grew up and grew apart.

Post # 10
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

You only have a few options:

a) Be direct. Tell her how you feel. 

b) Ignore her. 

c) Keep going as you’ve been going.

I really don’t think there’s anything else you can do.

Post # 11
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013
“I realized that I was holding on to something that didn’t exist anymore. That person I missed didn’t exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. And we can wish they wouldn’t all day long, but that never works.”
 
 
I don’t know where this quote is from but it has helped me so much in the losing of friends. I wouldn’t talk it over with her first…. but take some time to yourself and honestly evaluate the relationship. Sometimes you do that and realize it’s not even worth it…. hope this helps and I’m sorry… losing friends is never fun

Post # 12
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

you were a 16 child when you met and now you are 26yr women – people grow and change and for this reason not all friendships are forever.   if this was me i would just not engage her negativity, i also would be honest and tell her that you find her constant complaining and being negative as draining and you dont want that. you understand people have ups and downs but its how you choose to handle them that matters

i would just let the connection fade away with less communication – doesnt make you a bad person or friend, these things happen

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