(Closed) Help!! Over guest limit mil drama

posted 6 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, what an underhanded thing to do. If you’re over 200 guests and any of those sneaky additions RSVP yes, she’s going to have to make an awkward phone call to let them know that it wasn’t her place to invite them and unfortunately you won’t be able to accommodate them. Sucks for her. I would have your Fiance call her and lay down the law, and just hope that the rest of these people do indeed RSVP no.

Post # 3
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee

Leason learned. The hard way. I’d let your future husband handle this. And beware, of the future (manipulation).

My Mother-In-Law would have been thrilled to invite dozens of more people, to my daughters’ weddings, despite not contributing one cent, or us even having any communication with them. We ignored her nasty e-mails, that demanded we invite all my husband’s relatives, because she thinks weddings are family reunions.

Post # 4
Member
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I would be so upset. Wow. If you can’t have more than 200 then there’s no way to really get around univiting people as rude as it may be. I would hope your Future Mother-In-Law will take charge of the mess she made and contact them. However, if not, you’ll have to be the bearer of bad news to those people and best explain she made a mistake in numbers allowed. I would certainly hope your Fiance gives his mother a piece of his mind.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by soymilk.
Post # 5
Member
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
bwessel22:  FI’s mother, FI’s problem. He is going to have to tell his mother that she has to univite the guests she added. The only other alternative is that Future Mother-In-Law has to come up with the additional $$$ and you renegotiate your contract with the venue.

 

Post # 6
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Carmen\'s Lakeview

I’d be telling her that a) she has to pay for the extra guests for the reception and let the venue know this, if the venue can accommodate those extra 78 or so and if the venue can’t tell your Mother-In-Law that she will have to stand during the reception! haha or b) Tell her that she has to make some calls to those individuals. I’d also be telling her that you don’t appreciate her inviting extra people without consulting you or your Fiance first. 

If the venue is the same as the ceremony, don’t forget some people will be standing up with you during the ceremony (ie. bridesmaids, groomsmen, etc.) so that might help a bit as those individuals won’t be sitting. 

 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by allyson.m88.
Post # 7
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
bwessel22:  This is an extremely unfortunate situation. I’m sure you know now that you should have nipped this problem in the bud when you first discovered your Future Mother-In-Law had invited people that were not on your guest list; it should be assumed that everyone you invite will show up. BUT…woulda coulda shoulda, right? No sense in beating yourself up now. 

If the venue can hold 600 people…why are they limiting you to 200?? I feel like the best case would be to negotiate with your venue and get more seating to accommodate everyone. It’s unfathomable they would refuse making more money!

HOPEFULLY, more people will decline and your list will even out. Otherwise, there’s honestly nothing else you can do other than talk to your venue since you simply cannot uninvite people…

Worst case is that your venue doesn’t budge; then you’ll need to move to another venue that will accommodate 278 people…but that would be a financial and logistical hardship of course. But otherwise you’ll have 78 people without chairs on your wedding day…I wish you the best of luck in this very sticky situation, bee!!! (But I think it’s going to work out and your venue will begrudgingly allow the extras)

Post # 8
Member
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
bwessel22:  step #1 is gettng on the phone with your venue immediately and finding out is they can accomidate your party size and what needs to be done

I would get an itemized reciept of all the changes that need to be made and then I would be visiting Mother-In-Law to get a check…..

how many additional people did she invite? if you are over by 78 that means she must have invited like 100 extra guests

Post # 9
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee

Wow. That’s…. wow. Are all 78 the direct result of this? I think the first step would be to talk to the venue to find out your options so that when you (or your FI) has the hard conversation with her you will have facts to present like “No, we asked and they said they cannot…”  or “It will cost X dollars per extra guest to accomodate, would you like to pay that?” Information will be power going into that conversation. 

Keep us posted. 

Post # 10
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Wow. I would be LIVID. 

Post # 11
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

HOLY CRAP. I dealt with this in a MUCH more mild way… My Future Mother-In-Law was inviting people via Facebook, bc she got so excited last summer when we got engaged. But a formal invitation AND getting back rsvps… Nooooo…. 

Post # 12
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

First it’s your day, not your Mother-In-Law. So I see you have 2 options:
1. Tell her no and tell her to uninvite those people, or there will have to be a guest list with a usher on the day of and if the name isn’t on the list they can’t attend. (harsh, but I have a mother who has overstepped most of my life to the point where I’ve visited my parents once in 3 years and it was for a friend’s wedding. With parents like this you have to be drastic and harsh or they’ll be like that forever…think the parents on Everybody Loves Raymond.)
2. do as 

View original reply
vintagekitten:  suggested and contact the venue(s) first and if it is a possibility, take that info to your Mother-In-Law and tell her she needs to fork over the $$$ or #1 will have to happen. 

Post # 13
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

I am so sorry… I suggest doing what the other Bees have said. I also suggest to always be mindful of this situation, as your Mother-In-Law may try something again. 

Post # 14
Member
924 posts
Busy bee

I say see if theres a way to accomodate them. And have her pay for it. Sure, you COULD have someone standing there with a list and their name isn’t on the list they’ll be turned away… BUT in the end, its going to look bad on YOU, not your Mother-In-Law. And really, is it the guests fault? Say someone travels several thousand miles to come. Then they are met at the door with a “you can’t come in”. That would make you look bad. I don’t agree with what she did, but whats done is done and unless she uninvites the people or more room is made, she kind of left you holidng the bag (because no matter how you look at it, you’ll end up looking like the bad guy. Even if she called and invited people, she could say “I know you already RSVP’d, BUT she (meaning you) doesn’t want you there. It may not matter, but in the years to come, that could be something that could haunt you (you never know). Its a sucky situation, but that’s really all I know to say. 

Post # 15
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Im so sorry this is happening to you! How many extras did she invite? Can you amend your contract with the venue to add more people? I would see what that cost would be and tell her she’s paying for the extra if all the people over the 200 guest limit are her invites. 

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