Post # 1
I am planning a destination wedding in New Orleans from the East coast. My FH and I traveled to New Orleans last year and fell in love with a beautiful bed & breakfast with a gorgeous courtyard to hold our event. We put down a deposit when we booked the facility and started planning the rest of the wedding.
Throughout the planning process the proprietor of the B&B has been slow to respond to e-mails and is just very controlling about the whole process/details. She says she refuses to work with wedding planners/DOCs and we’ve had a couple other issues that are really starting to stress me out. Issue #1 The DJ. I told her it was very important to me to have one because I want to have a dance party with my guests. It took a lot of negotiation to get her to agree to this (before we forked over the deposit) because she has “had bad experiences with DJs in the past.” I’m very worried that she is going to constantly be bothering him about the volume of the music and stressing me out at the wedding. We agreed to “keep the volume at a reasonable level” but I think that leaves room for interpretation and it’s making me nervous. The wedding is only until 10:30 at night on a Saturday so I feel like we should be able to enjoy the music!
Issue #2: sparklers. A few weeks ago, I got the idea that I would like to have my guests hold sparklers during the first dance. I spoke with her about it on the phone and she said no because she “has had bad experiences with sparklers before.” During our call I accepted it, but the more I thought about it the more I wanted this sparkler first dance and thought we could pull it off safely. I wrote her multiple e-mails about wanting to discuss it that she did not reply to. Also I want to point out that on her vendor profiles on the Knot, WeddingWire, Pinterest etc she has photos of people having sparkler exits so it’s pretty much false advertising.
SO, yesterday I called her and left her a voicemail asking about the sparklers and basically told her that her unresponsiveness was no longer acceptable this close to the wedding. A few hours later I received a text message with NO APOLOGY stating that her computer was broken and so that was the reason for the delayed reply. Then, she said if I really wanted sparklers, I would have to do the following: 1) Have the DJ announce what to do with spent sparklers. 2) Provide two 18″ clay pots filled with sand to extinguish them in. 3) Provide a # of distributed sparklers versus collected sparklers 4) Assign two people (?) to make sure all sparklers are accounted for and 5) sign a form stating that any damage to the property made from sparklers is my responsibility! SERIOUSLY? wtf I’m not going to be worrying about collecting every freaking spent sparkler on my wedding day!
So I wrote her back and said “OK I guess we are not doing them. Thanks for getting back to me.” Can you give me your perspective on this situation guys? I am upset that she is being controlling, unresponsive and unapologetic since she has all the leverage here. She’s been paid and it’s not like we can switch the venue one month out. How do I handle her behavior? I will definitely be posting reviews about the treatment i received all over the internet, but how do I make sure she doesn’t ruin my actual wedding day re: the DJ situation? Do I tell her this behavior will be reflected on Weddingwire, Weddingbee, the Knot, Yelp, Google Places etc? I just want to gain some leverage/piece of mind back but I don’t really know how to handle her and it’s stressing me out!
Thanks for your help ladies!
Post # 3
@TheBuzz103: I’m so sorry–I’m totally with her! If I ran a historic B&B, there is NO WAY I would want to risk an errant sparkler burning down or damaging my house!
Post # 4
Honestly, not to sound harsh but you are lucky she even agreed to have the sparklers. There are many venues that won’t even allow candles. True that she should have apologized about not responding sooner but I think she was coming up with a way to accommodate you. You do not have to make sure that every sparkler is accounted for but that is why you have a wedding party and assign the job to some one else. This is her venue and you must respect the rules as any other venue.
Wish you the best of luck, just take it easy and don’t stress. I think everything will work out!
Post # 5
im with the owner on this one. I wouldn’t want drunk people with sparklers running around my B&B, and honestly it seems like your vision and what the venue is willing to allow are two very different things, which should have been sorted out prior to signing any contracts. She’s got the right to not allow sparklers or DJ’s at her venue. You’ve got the right to find a venue that allows these things. But it’s kind of too late once you e signed the contract.
I don’t think you should threaten to leave bad reviews because genuinely you should have asked these questions before you signed the contract.
Post # 7
May places don’t allow candles so I’m not surprised that a historic B&B doesn’t allow sparklers. Maybe she allowed them previously and had a bad experience? I think her compromise is pretty reasonable, just assign this task to a Bridesmaid or Best Man or Groomsmen.
As for her not getting back to you, I usually e-mail once or twice and then call. She should be taking the responsibility and getting back to you but from this point on I would start following up with a phone call if it takes her too long to respond to an e-mail.
Try to stop stressing out, I’m sure it will turn out to be a great day!
Post # 8
@TheBuzz103: We are getting married in a century old mansion. We are not allowed sparklers, confetti, or candles that have an open flame or aren’t in water. These places need to be protected and preserved, so we understood. Plus I didn’t want to be the asshole bride whose guest burnt down the manor lol
Post # 9
Thanks for the perspective ladies! Imma try to chill now. 🙂
Post # 10
But if she has photos of them in her advertising material what does she expect??? I don’t think you are in the wrong for asking or anything because she’s shown them being used at the venue in her advertising.
Post # 11
To put it in a technical sense, sparklers are just sticks that shoot fire. A tiny fire, yes, but those sparks are still fire. If they land on anything flammable…. fwoosh.
Add drunk people in on this stick that shoots fire and you have another dimension of pain.
I’m with the owner. Sparklers are dangerous if you have a historic site that is at risk.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
@sangriiia: I would agree with you, but the sparkler exit is usually outside, not inside.
Post # 13
@TheBuzz103: Many venues don’t even allow exposed candle flames. I battled out with my venue to not have to put my beautiful unity candle in an ugly hurricane vase! I think you’re overreacting about the sparklers considering you wore her down and she said yes the rest of the hassle should be up to you to deal with. Unresponsiveness is obnoxious but there’s not much you can do about that at this point. As for the DJ, it’s her venue her rules. Just try and enjoy your day and don’t sweat the small stuff like that since you have very little control over it.
Post # 14
I don’t think it’s strange that she doesn’t want sparklers. That’s how it is with many Historic Home/B&B venues. She just doesn’t want her property burned down and I don’t blame her.
Maybe you could go with a sparkler exit instead of a sparkler first dance. I’ve actually never heard of someone doing sparklers for the first dance anyway. It sounds like the people standing up would be blocking the people sitting down from seeing you and you husband dancing.
Post # 15
@MeiFrancis: Oops, I missed that. thought she was talking about outside. 🙂