Post # 1
We are getting married in Spain next July and my parents are paying for the wedding which we are so grateful for!
My parents live in Spain (we live in England). Opting for an abroad wedding we knew numbers wouldn’t be massive – but this was perfect for us. We wanted our nearest and dearest there to celebrate such an intimate and personal event.
However my parents have now told us they have invited people that myself or my fiancé have ever met.. People from their local, their new neighbours. It’s making me so upset guys, there’s going to be more of their friends there than there is our friends. And getting introduced to people on your wedding day is NOT what weddings are about right?
i tried to meet in the middle and say why don’t they come to the evening part? However that wasn’t an option according to my parents.
This is causing me such stress and anxiety in wishing we were just running away to get married. As I said I am do grateful for them paying but right now I wish we had planned it another way.
Post # 2
Well this is what happens when you allow someone to pay for your wedding. They will feel as if they are paying so they can invite who they want. I really don’t know how you can possibly get out of it especially if they said it wasn’t an option. Sorry
Post # 3
I agree with you 100% and I would feel the same way, but I don’t see how you could get out of this. For your wedding the only opinions that matter are yours and your fiancé’s…and whoever is paying for the wedding’s. Since your parents know you’re upset about it and they’ve already rejected your perfectly reasonable solution, your options are pay for everything yourself or accept their guest list 🙁
For what it’s worth, I’m also getting married in Spain (fiancé is Spanish) and attitudes about weddings are totally different from what I’m used to. Weddings traditionally include hundreds of people (although this has been changing with the current economic situation) and it’s possible your parents are feeling like their neighbours EXPECT to be invited. My future Mother-In-Law has been trying to add all sorts of distant relatives, friends, neighbours to the guest list even though we’ve explained a million times it is close family and friends only.
Post # 4
I’m sorry I don’t know how you can avoid this. Not only are they paying but you’re also getting married where they live. The only advice I can give is to have a firm conversation with them and let them know how both of you feel. I would be able to have this convo with my parents so I hope yours are just as open to what you have to say….
Post # 5
Thanks everyone, it’s hard as we can only communicate by texts.
I have messaged her this morning asking them to re think inviting the guests we don’t know to the evening party as i don’t think the guests themselves will mind this….I said if not then imy prepared to pay for the wedding myself.
I have no idea what she will reply or if she even will reply!
Post # 6
This is exactly why my SO and I are paying for everything ourselves. I’m from a European background and he is half European, half Polynesian so our parents have a habit of trying to take over things and wanting to invite this family “because you invited his brother’s family and it would be rude not to invite them all” and that family “because her cousin invited us to his daughter’s wedding” and sh*t like that.
Unfortunately there isn’t much you can do at this point however have you tried to compromise with numbers? Perhaps give them a certain figure of how many people they can invite and then that’s it, no more.
Post # 7
I disagree. My parents paid the bulk of our wedding, and it wasn’t a small sum. Not ONCE did they try to dictate anything (unless you count my dad wanting pedestal arrangements for the ceremony which I originally hadn’t included as I was trying to be conscious of costs), least of all the guest-list. They saw it as a gift, and there were absolutely no strings attached. So I disagree with your statement.
If your parents have attached strings to their gift then you have 2 options. Either try to compromise some way by explaining how you feel and maybe allowing them X number of invitations for their new friends, and see if they will agree; or, pay for the wedding yourself if they still can’t compromise so that you have complete control.
Post # 8
i am not saying all people do but it opens the door. Your parents may see it as a gift and hers see it as a way to invite whom they want and make decisions. All i am saying is this is what happens when you allow people to pay for your wedding it can open up a can of worms.
Post # 9
If your parents are hosting and paying for your wedding, it is not surprising that they would wish to invite guests from their own social circles. Although I am unfamiliar with what is customary in Europe, this traditionally has been common in the U.S. I have a friend whose father and stepmother paid for her wedding, and there were approximately 400 guests at that wedding. Many of those guests were invited because of their connections to my friend’s parents.
As long as your parents are not forcing you and your Fiance to exclude any of the guests you wish to invite in favor of your parents’ own friends, I don’t think you should be too upset about this.
Post # 10
This is exactly why we turned my Future Mother-In-Law down when she offered to pay for our wedding. We knew if we let her pay she would feel like she could invite anyone she wanted to, even though we wanted a small intimate wedding. She is still trying to get us to double our guest list with the promise it won’t cost us anymore money. The only way to maintain control over the wedding you want to have and your guest list is to pay for it yourself unfortunately. If they are footing the bill you can’t stop them from inviting these people, even if its upsetting to you. Is paying yourself an option?
Post # 11
How many guests are we talking? 3-4 or 15? My dad paid for half of our wedding and invited some business contacts I had never met. To be honest, I said hello and thanked them for coming and didn’t give them a second thought.
They are paying for the wedding and do get a say in who they invite. Sure it’s kind of awkward to be introduced to someone at the wedding, but you’ll be okay – I promise!
Post # 12
Ok so myself and my fiancé have around 25 friends and family’s coming ( nice and intimate as we wanted ).
My parents are looking at inviting around 25 people about 10 we known (family friends from Spain) and around 15 we don’t know.
There is an option we can pay ourselfs yes i have said to mum we will do this if we have too (and it leaves us skint as we have just bought a house also) but so be it.
If it was 1 or 2 people I wouldn’t care but we are looking at having the same amount of people we have invited as they have.
Post # 13
There were several people our parents invited (like 30ish) that we had never met, but they were paying so I saw no reason to complain. If it’s really that big of a deal then I guess your only option is to just pay for it like you said.
Post # 14
how many people were at your wedding overall?
Post # 15
If they’re paying for the whole thing, they can invite who they want- it’s on their dime.