Help! Parents throwing wedding after party that we dont want to attend.

posted 5 months ago in Family
Post # 2
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

alexam : There’s no way I would go to this BBQ. 

You’re an adult, talk to your parents and let them know that you already have other plans and won’t be attending.

Post # 3
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Why not ask them to do it earlier?

Post # 4
47204 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My first wedding was an early afternoon ceremony, followed by a reception with light refreshments. This was a deliberate choice as both my parents were alcoholics, and we did not want to risk their behavior if they had been drinking all day. We left for our honeymoon immediately after the reception.

Tell your parents you are unable to attend as you are leaving immediately for your honeymoon. Your honeymoon starts the minute your reception ends, whether you are traveling or checking into a local hotel.

Post # 5
1680 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

What’s the problem with simply saying “NO”?  Are you not grown??

Post # 6
4582 posts
Honey bee

If you’re old enough to marry, you’re old enough to say no to your parents and make your own decisions.  “I appreciate the invitation, but we’ve already made other plans and can’t attend.”  It’s really not that complicated.

Post # 7
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

alexam :  “Thanks for the invite, but we won’t be attending the BBQ.”

Mom: “What? Why not? We’re throwing this FOR YOU!”

alexam: “No, Groom & I threw a reception for us and our loved ones. Again, thank you but we will be spending the reminder of our wedding day together. “

Mom: “I can’t believe this OUTRAGE blah blah blah….”

alexam: “I’m leaving now, goodbye./I’ll talk to you after you have processed these feelings, goodbye.”

Post # 8
819 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I will not be attending any post-wedding events, regardless of who hosts them. I know the wedding itself will require all of the social energy I possess, and I will not be guilted into anything else.

I agree with julies1949 that you should consider the end of your reception as the start of your honeymoon, and thus you will be unavailable. 

Post # 9
3397 posts
Sugar bee

Just say, “no, we have alternative plans. Have fun!” Rinse and repeat as necessary.

Post # 10
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Say no. You don’t have to attend. They don’t get to dictate how you spend your wedding day/night.

Post # 11
1515 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I wouldn’t go either.  She can throw the party, that’s fine, but she doesn’t get to dictate that you attend.  Just tell her you’re not going.

Post # 13
7765 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Woof – that’s not a good sign that they just scheduled this without even checking with you! It sounds like there is some serious work that needs to be done in setting appropriate boundaries with your parents. The fact that they thought this was in any way an acceptable move is disturbing and does not bode well. I’m glad you’re telling them no!

Post # 14
3397 posts
Sugar bee

Also, it is super uncool to throw a party for just one side but expect you to attend.

Post # 15
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

tiffanybruiser :  Totally agree with this. 

” Mom, I am an adult capable of planning my own events. If Fiance and I wanted to have a longer reception, or a bbq afterwards than we would have planned it that way. We did not ask anyone to add on to the wedding day that we both planned. We will be leaving after the reception and starting our honeymoon. We will not be attending anything after the reception.” 

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