Post # 1
I am feeling really frustrated right now and could use some advice and support.
My fiance and I are getting married in 2 months. We have planned for an earlier wedding ceremony with a brunch/lunch reception. With our time line right now, we are scheduled to have the reception end mid afternoon.
One of the main reasons we planned it this way was so that my new husband and I could have a lot of time alone enjoying each other. We also are both waiting to have sex until marriage, so we thought it would be better this way than if we had our reception ending late at night (sorry for the TMI).
My parents sent me a message today saying that they will be inviting everyone (I am assuming this is only my family) over to their house for a BBQ that evening, and that they expect us to be there for “a few hours”. This was the first time anyone had mentioned it.
Now, this is not something that either my fiance or myself want to attend AT ALL. Both of us are more introverted, and we really wanted to spend the whole evening relaxing, taking a bath, opening cards, watching movies, ordering room service, etc. We are having a reception in the afternoon to thank our guests and interact with them, so I see no need in having essentially a 2nd reception.
Am I being crazy right now? I honestly feel like crying, because I feel like we planned this whole day only to have my parents make plans without asking us. I am just not sure even how to respond.
Post # 2
alexam : There’s no way I would go to this BBQ.
You’re an adult, talk to your parents and let them know that you already have other plans and won’t be attending.
Post # 3
Why not ask them to do it earlier?
Post # 4
My first wedding was an early afternoon ceremony, followed by a reception with light refreshments. This was a deliberate choice as both my parents were alcoholics, and we did not want to risk their behavior if they had been drinking all day. We left for our honeymoon immediately after the reception.
Tell your parents you are unable to attend as you are leaving immediately for your honeymoon. Your honeymoon starts the minute your reception ends, whether you are traveling or checking into a local hotel.
Post # 5
What’s the problem with simply saying “NO”? Are you not grown??
Post # 6
If you’re old enough to marry, you’re old enough to say no to your parents and make your own decisions. “I appreciate the invitation, but we’ve already made other plans and can’t attend.” It’s really not that complicated.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
alexam : “Thanks for the invite, but we won’t be attending the BBQ.”
Mom: “What? Why not? We’re throwing this FOR YOU!”
alexam: “No, Groom & I threw a reception for us and our loved ones. Again, thank you but we will be spending the reminder of our wedding day together. “
Mom: “I can’t believe this OUTRAGE blah blah blah….”
alexam: “I’m leaving now, goodbye./I’ll talk to you after you have processed these feelings, goodbye.”
Post # 8
I will not be attending any post-wedding events, regardless of who hosts them. I know the wedding itself will require all of the social energy I possess, and I will not be guilted into anything else.
I agree with julies1949 that you should consider the end of your reception as the start of your honeymoon, and thus you will be unavailable.
Post # 9
Just say, “no, we have alternative plans. Have fun!” Rinse and repeat as necessary.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Say no. You don’t have to attend. They don’t get to dictate how you spend your wedding day/night.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
I wouldn’t go either. She can throw the party, that’s fine, but she doesn’t get to dictate that you attend. Just tell her you’re not going.
Post # 12
Thank you everyone!
Just to clarify, we were 100% planning on telling them ‘no’.
I just wasnt sure if my feelings were jutified or if I was turning into a bridezilla without realizing it.
Post # 13
Woof – that’s not a good sign that they just scheduled this without even checking with you! It sounds like there is some serious work that needs to be done in setting appropriate boundaries with your parents. The fact that they thought this was in any way an acceptable move is disturbing and does not bode well. I’m glad you’re telling them no!
Post # 14
Also, it is super uncool to throw a party for just one side but expect you to attend.
Post # 15
tiffanybruiser : Totally agree with this.
” Mom, I am an adult capable of planning my own events. If Fiance and I wanted to have a longer reception, or a bbq afterwards than we would have planned it that way. We did not ask anyone to add on to the wedding day that we both planned. We will be leaving after the reception and starting our honeymoon. We will not be attending anything after the reception.”