Post # 1
I don’t know if this is seen as rude, or really weird. I was born and grew up in the United States but I went to many Vietnamese weddings, where most guests will pretty much avoid the registries and toaster ovens and hand out $100, gold bullions, or checks as a gift to the couple. I really like that about Vietnamese weddings; we pretty much make back what we spent. But my SO isn’t Vietnamese, and I don’t want the Vietnamese reception at the seafood restaurant, where I have to change into 3 more different outfits during the course of the night.
I heard that the Latino/a community follows a similar tradition, where the aunts, uncles, or relatives sponsor the couple. The family pitches in to pay for the expenses. Am I wrong?
How would you feel as, if you were a close relative or friend of the couple, you were asked to help out with the wedding costs? Such as purchasing a roll of ribbon, or contribute a talent (photography), or build a fund for your wedding dress. Is it rude or strange to accept that as a wedding gift, or ask your guests for that in place of a gift?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t think it was strange, but some might. We’re registering with honeyfund.com. We’ve already paid for the honeymoon, but by registering for different parts of it, we can basically ask guests for cash gifts rather than toasters. (We literally have three toasters already.) Plus, since the gift is in the form of a honeymoon “gift certificate”, we can share a little tidbit about what we did on their portion ofthe vacation in the thank you cards.
We did ask one of FI’s friends who is a professional DJ to DJ our wedding, and he was very happy to do that. So if you have friends who have talents (like DJ or photographer) I don’t think asking them to gift you that would be so strange at all. It’s the most valuable gift he can give us, so it has worked out really well.
Post # 4
I’m from Hawaii, & we have a similar tradition…the “traditional” wedding gift is cash in an envelope (Japanese have the same traditional gift). I think it works fine because in these particular cultures, it’s expected (as in the guest expects it) to give money rather than shop for a gift. However, it may be “rude” to cultures who don’t expect it if you blatantly ask someone to help pay for the wedding or honeymoon. On the other hand, if you word it in such a way as to share the culture of your heritage & that this practice is part of it, it may go down easier.
As for having friends/family gift you their talents at your wedding, I think it can be construed as common practice in many circles…that’s why the wedding (is it only wedding?) slang of “friendors” (friends who are your vendors at your wedding/event). In my particular situation, my “big sister” is a stylist, so her gift is doing the hair & make-up for me, my BMs, & hair for MOB, & possibly MOG. Another acquaintance is going to photograph the wedding, but not sure if we’re paying him or if he will become a guest. And last, but certainly not least, my grandmother will be administering the wine during communion, instead of me paying for the time of a Eucharistic minister. My grams was honored to do it, my “big sis” would have been insulted if she wasn’t doing it (she immediately assumed that she would be doing it, & I’m so happy she did). So I think it’s all in how you word it.
Post # 5
I think that if someone offers their talents, you can accept them happily.. but no expectations should exist for your friends with wedding-related vocations to gift you their services. They may be busy and would rather get you a present.
Post # 6
I think if this is traditional and expected on your side, go forth with your family. With FI’s side, I think a talk with the Future In-Laws might be helpful. How would they feel about it? Would they be willing to broach their siblings and parents about it? they may be appaled, or they may think it is practical and fine. Hard to know until you ask.
As far as asking people for help, I think it is doable, but try to minimize their effort during the event. And one of the kindest ways to spend money is to hire a clean-up person at night. Let everyone go home!
Post # 7
I can speak for the Latinos! Traditionall y that is what happens, the family sponsors something cake, dj, mariachi, foot, etc. But that realy opnly happens with 1st generation Latino families now at days. I know that for our wedding we are paying it ourselves. My family will probably pitchin a lil bit but we are definately paying for 95% of the wedding cost.