(Closed) Help! People are inviting themselves to our wedding!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We had a few people ask if they were invited. I promptly told them no if they weren’t. Others I wasn’t sure of at the beginning, and told them also that if there was room they would be but I couldn’t make any prmises.

It’s really rude of anyone to ask so don’t feel bad being blunt back and telling them no.

Post # 4
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you are using FB then you can post a message due to the size of the families attending it is unfortunate but you will not be able to invite all of our friends. Please understand this is not being done to exclude you we just dont have the room.

Please accept our sincere apology for not inviting everyone we know. 



Post # 5
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It is very rude to assume you are invited without receiving an invite or save the date.  You are well within your rights to tell them you do not have space to accommodate everyone, due to your huge family.

Post # 6
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I would just ignore it, and don’t lead anyone on. However I have to ask WHY you would send 245 Save-The-Date Cards for a venue that can only hold 220. Does that mean that 245 PEOPLE got Save-The-Date Cards or you sent 245 cards??

Post # 7
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s definitely an uncomfortable situation. If I were you, I would decide on a common strategy together with your Fiance. A standard answer in the line of “Unfortunately not. We’re focusing on family, and we’re limited in terms of the venue”. 

Post # 8
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MrsDeLovely:  Be honest but not rude.. Explain that budget is limited and IF they get a save the date they will know they are invited. As far as the guests.. again be honest. Our budget does not allow us to add +1’s. Hope This Helps

Post # 9
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@MrsDeLovely:  A) These people aren’t inviting themselves, they’re asking if they’re invited – which is rude of them to do

B) You can’t invite more people than your venue can hold.

If you sent 245 Save-The-Date Cards did they go out to couples and families…. because in my mind that means you invited 490 people or more!!

It’s up to you who you invite, I didn’t respond to a lot of people that said things like that.

Post # 10
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh man that sucks. I would hate that if it happened to me. Just tell everyone there’s a space issue and your venue just can’t fit everyone and tell them if you can squeeze them in then you will but no promises. 

Post # 11
2194 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

justbe honest but polite…. something like ‘i wish we could invite everyone but its just impossible with our families’ 

for the guests i would stick yo same type speech plus add something like ….it was so hard bc of numbets but we hope you will.still.be able to join us

Post # 12
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ugh we are both pushovers as well and are having the same problem!

Post # 13
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Just tell them respectfully “Im really sorry, we both have huge families and decided to only invite our very closest friends. We would have loved to invite everyone, but we have a limited budget. Please dont take it personally, as we wish we could afford for more friends to come”


Post # 14
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

OMG. This is too funny! This happened to me too and I think it’s truly bizarre. We are in this massive group message on FB with a bunch of OLD friends from college. Neither of us actually write in the thread but we get all the other messages. Anyway, people wrote on that thread about where we should have our wedding (AND WHEN) so that we could have a reunion. I read that and thought, SO AWKWARD, we already mailed our Save-The-Date Cards and NONE of you were invited! 

Anyway, I’m sorry that this is happening to you. SO annoying and awkward. I would say, don’t worry about it and just say no. Say that your sorry but that you both have large families and that there just isn’t enough space. 

Update us on what you do because I’ll be curious as to how your situation turns out! Good luck!

Post # 15
1060 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

a friend asked over fb if she could bring a date. When i didn’t respond asap she sent me another message saying … too late i rsvp’d for 2!!

Post # 16
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Pink Asawa:  omg THAT is rude i cannot believe that!!

Our venue also only holds 220 :S I’m just telling people we are concentrating on our family because its so big

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