(Closed) Help picking bridesmaids!!

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Don’t pick your bridal party yet.  Wait until 7 or 8 months out because you have no idea what is going to happen to friendships between now and then.

Post # 3
10676 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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wanderlust1205 :  


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KiwiDerbyBride :  said . Way too early to be asking people to be bridesmaids,  particularly as you aren’t  sure of who you actually want, or why you want them  . Give it another year .  

Post # 4
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Agree that you should wait. If you had to choose now, I’d probably choose just 3 or 4: your Maid/Matron of Honor (Katie), your FI’s sister & cousin, and maybe your best friend at work (Vanessa).

Adding any of the others sound like it will add stress and hurt feelings:

#1) Do not choose Megan, since she had a falling out with your potential Maid/Matron of Honor, and you don’t want to hurt your Maid/Matron of Honor by making her interact with Megan (awkward!)

#2) I would not choose just a couple of your group of 10 college friends, if you are at all concerned that feelings will be hurt (which I think is likely)

Post # 5
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I also agree with PPs to wait until at least a year out. Relationships can change.

I don’t agree with PP on not asking Meghan because she doesn’t get along with Katie. Yes, there could be drama if they are not very mature but their fight has nothing to do with you and they should be able to suck it up for the love they have for you. Believe me, I totally understand this situation! One of my Bridesmaid or Best Man had a falling out with not one but TWO of my BMs that had nothing to do with me. For my sake, they coexist and are nice to each other when in the same room.

Post # 6
5045 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2016

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wanderlust1205 :  I agree with PP to wait until at least next summer to ask.  I had the same struggle – lots of close girlfriends, afraid to hurt people, etc.  I ended up going with my gut.  There were 6 girls I knew I wanted to ask and was debating about the others, so I just stuck with the 6 definites.  I did have to of the girls I was thinking about asking talk to me about it and admit they were hurt, but they were understanding and I do not think it impacted our friendship (I’m in one of their weddings now).  

I also wouldn’t try to make the decision for them.  One of my BMs has a very demanding job in politics and our wedding was right before the election.  If I had assumed that she couldn’t do it and not asked her, I would’ve missed out on having one of my best friends standing up with me.  She was very very busy but she said yes and was able to stand by my side ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 7
170 posts
Blushing bee

I think waiting is a good solution for those you are not sure about. If you want to ask the definites (the ones you mentioned at the beginning of the post) go right ahead! But for the others – just wait a bit, and ask the Maid/Matron of Honor and others to not post about it on social media or anything until you’ve decided on others if you are worried about what others will think or feel being asked later than others. Things can become very clear as time passes, and since your wedding isn’t until 2019, you definitely have some time, which is a blessing in this case ๐Ÿ™‚

Also, do not let the amount of time you have known someone be the only defining factor that helps you decide who does and does not get asked to be a bridesmaid. In my case, I opted to not ask a friend who WAS very close to me at an earlier period of my life, but we are no longer close, but did ask friends who have come into my life more recently that I feel a strong connection to, and know they will be forever friends. If you truly consider Vanessa a best friend, then that’s what matters! And if you opt to wait, then it’ll just be longer that you’ve known her, and then maybe you’ll feel more comfortable with the idea ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Additionally, I think if you feel as though you are good friends with Megan as well, then asking her shouldn’t be an issue. You’ve already stated that you know your Maid/Matron of Honor and her will be mature about the situation, and if they love you and focus on that, then it honestly will be fine. Don’t rule her out because she lives further away or has a busy job – if she feels she cannot commit or fulfill Bridesmaid’s duties, she will let you know when you ask her. If it makes you feel better, one of my bridesmaids is from Hawaii and will only be coming to the mainland for the wedding day itself – but she’s important enough to me that having her there for the big day is enough! All my other bridesmaids except one are all out of towners (5+ hours away) as well, so it is totally doable, if you both parties are willing to be understanding and make the best of it ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 9
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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wanderlust1205 :  I wouldn’t stress too hard about it. For me it was kind of gut instinct. Also I have found with other weddings I have attended or been a part of that the more intimate the bridal party, the better. When there are too many personalities it can become raucous. I’d say 4-6 is a good number and literally go with your gut instinct for those that have had your back for a while and who you can depend on. If you have a super fun awesome friend who is shady and flaky at times, maybe skip her. These girls will be in charge of your showers and bachelorette parties, and you need dependable people on the day of your wedding. If something goes to shit that day, you need to know they can pick up the pieces for you in some way or another. 

Post # 10
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

It’s too early for you to pick your bridal party! #1 friendships change #2 your friends will have no idea what they are doing/ where they’ll be in July 2019

The good thing about it being too early is you have plenty of time to figure out who’s truly there for you. I got engaged in 2014 and we didn’t set our date until 2017. When we were closer to a year from our date which is in July 2018 that’s when we picked our bridal party. In between getting engaged and when I picked my bridesmaids my friendships changed a lot and it made me KNOW who I should pick. Some friends I thought I would pick started canceling plans on me all the time (being flaky) and never reaching out to me. Some people that were new friends in 2014 became BEST friends. Then I maintained some friendships I’ve had for years. So then when it was time I knew!

Related this to you… by next spring or summer (when you should ask them) you and Vanessa could be even closer and you might want her as an Maid/Matron of Honor or you might stop talking completely. Out of the group of 10 friends all of them might completely stop talking to you except for one that you were the least close with and now you are the most. Megan might have a different job. Megan and Katie might make up. You might completely drift from one or both of them or become even closer with them. 

Post # 11
7983 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Wait until a ten months before your wedding to ask anyone–circumstances can change so much between now and then. 

Other roles include readers, ushers (can be women), presentation of eucharist in some religions, program attendants (though I usually imagine tweens in this role, etc. 

Post # 12
393 posts
Helper bee

I agree with waiting.  Although your email waslong it sounds like you had about six girls including Megan.  You might be wise to skip the Maid/Matron of Honor unless you had 1 sister – too much politics.  I would not let the Katie – Megan feud effect YOUR wedding party.  Can you imagine you were at the olympics  And you are so close to gold but the logic of a judge say in figure skating thinking it would be too much agony to be so close to gold the judge dumps them off the podium into fourth so they don’t have to deal with the stress of almost winning.  Don’t worry about insulting someone – you will no matter how hard you try not too.  You can try but you will surely cause some kind of pain and sufferinig.  Its the nature of the beast – weddings lol.   

Post # 13
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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wanderlust1205 :  I echo the previous posters, wait until a year to 9 months out. Relationships change, life in general will present changes. 

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