(Closed) Help please! Jeans

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@oliveyou21: That’s most definitely NOT ok. Especially for a semi-formal to formal wedding!!! Never wear jeans unless requested by the Bride and Groom.

Post # 4
Member
46681 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No, it is not ok for them to wear jeans to a formal wedding. I used to live in cowboy country and those cowboys were raised with manners because they dressed up for formal weddings.

Post # 5
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s completely reasonable to request that they wear a nice pair of trousers considering the event and venue. Besides, in my opinion, every man should own at least one pair of nice slacks for special occassions.

Post # 6
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would bring it up with them and maybe casually suggest that you don’t care what color dress you Future Mother-In-Law wears!  Have you discussed the details of the venue with them?  I would let them know what type of place you’ll be having it – what if they don’t know and have never been to a fancy wedding?!?  Maybe talk to his parents about what the groomsmen, bridesmaids and your parents will be wearing.   Bring up that you don’t want it to be black tie optional but semi formal and nice. 

With 9 months to go I would think they have plenty of time to decide what they’ll actually wear! 

Post # 8
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Honestly, I think the best you can do is suggest that they might bemore comfortable in dress pants and then leave it at that.  If someone’s going to be embarassed it will be them, not you.

Yes, it’s your wedding and yes, your family is paying, but there are some lines better left uncrossed and the “telling other people what what to wear” line is one of them – crucifying though it is.

It sounds as though your relationship with them isn’t particularly close right now, which is fine, but it would be a shame if one of your most extended interactions was laced with bad feelings.

Out of curiosity, what state do they live in?

Post # 10
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@oliveyou21: My ILs are from Wyoming, so I feel your pain.

Before getting married I never knew there were so many interesting and varied subtypes of denim pants for men.  It makes very little sense to me, but I go with it.

You might inquire what he means by “dress jeans.”  If what he’s talking about are fresh-pressed and a dark wash, the results may not be as offensive as you fear.  Still not ideal, but they bear more than a passing resemblance to dress slacks.

What I mean is, jeans may be jeans to you, but if there’s a compromise you can live with (ie: he’s not talking about anything with rips or holes and intends to wear a tie and a jacket), this may not be the hill onwhich you want to die. 

Post # 11
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would stipulate a form of attire on your reception card–for example, state that is semi-formal or formal. Most people shouldn’t mistake jeans being okay for that. Ultimately, people are going to do what they want to do though, so be prepared for that.

Post # 12
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee

Ugh, I would be annoyed too! Your problem is partly the reason my fiance’ and I opted for a casual backyard wedding. Because wearing a leather jacket with jeans is not equivalent to a suit and tie.

My suggestion is to make nice with your Future Mother-In-Law. Afterall, she is probably the one who is most excited about getting dressed up. Show her pictures of the venue, give her ideas of the formality of the event, and attires that you expect guests to wear. You can make her part of the wedding by recruiting her to be the attire security. She may or may not have the ability to convince your Future Father-In-Law about switching from jeans to dress pants, but I am sure she can convince guests of your FI’s side to do so.

In any case, if your FFIL sticks with wearing jeans, it will be him getting the dirty looks, not you. But I can opine that he probably doesn’t care. At that point, neither should you.

Post # 14
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@oliveyou21: I agree with teaandtoast.  You can politely suggest that your Future Father-In-Law wear slacks, but ultimately he’ll wear what he wants.  I was a little surprised by the outfit my Mother-In-Law wore to our wedding, a very frumpy old dress from the back of her closet, but she was the one who felt underdressed compared to my mother and the rest of the guests.  

Post # 15
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@oliveyou21:  Yeah, I think your Fiance is using the wrong term… A cowboy tuxedo or western tuxedo is a full on tux, just in a Western cut.  Pants are slimmer, lapels are wider, etc. This is what my husband’s grandfather wore to marry us.

If you think it might help, you could send your ILs this link.  http://www.culturedcowboy.com/wedding/menswear/wtuxedoes.htm

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