(Closed) Help Please!

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 4
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i wouldnt worry about it, its just what happens. My guy and I have been together about 7 years (not married yet) and we probably have sex about once a week on average. Its not that we dont want to have it more, life just gets in the way.  The daily grind, being tired, long commute, blah blah blah.  Basically if you want to than do it!!!  The longer you are together unfortunately the more effort you need to put into it.

Post # 5
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

Hello molliechristine,

Aside from your feeling less attractive, is there anything else you can think of that may affect your sex life? Work increase, stress, illness, moving/changing up routines? Most people are quite sensitive to tweaks in their lives and such sensitivity can be manifested through or desire (or lack there of) for sex. If there is some factor affecting you, whatever it is, focus on finding a solution…whether that be an extra hour of sleep, taking an evening walk, painting, talking, whatever!

You stated you’re very tired at the end of the day. So is it that you haven’t felt up for sex but your husband has? Also, you noted you have gained some weight. I hear ya on that — it can be a doozie on one’s perception of self-esteem and desire. My suggestions would to maintain an open and loving dialogue with one another that emphasizes no resentment due to lack of action. Have you two considered joining a gym or working out, something that can simultaneously get you moving and releasing those positive endorphins together? Good for your body, mind, and relationship! Furthermore, go easy on yourself 🙂 I’ve noticed that with sex, at times you way want the end result (the connection, feeling, what have you), but to get there seems like so much work. Either take Nike’s slogan of “just do it” or remember: if you want to be, then be.

Post # 7
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hi,

Eventhough we’re not married yet, we’ve lived together for four years and I know how you feel.  I got really sick, shingles to be exact and it was painful and took me months before I could even return to work.  I gained wait and lost a lot of confidence. 

I started reading the brain in love by Daniel Amen!  And Amen to him!  This book is awesome!  I highly recommend reading it….maybe even before bed?? 

Also I know it’s already been suggested working out, but working out together and doing something fun always helps.  Dancing?  Or you can take a pole dancing class, it would be fun, great exercise and maybe give you a little bit more confidence.  Or pick up a stripper-cise DVD and do it at  home.  He married you, he loves you, don’t be so hard on yourself! 

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