(Closed) Help please!!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think it will be difficult to word this without it coming off rudely.  I didn’t have guests at the rehearsal dinner because in laws couldn’t pay for 40 people and were adamant about being the only hosts, which I know is against etiquette but we didn’t really have a choice given our situation.  I think just address the invite to the bridal party member and say something about you’re invited to our rehearsal for immediate family and bridal party members.  I know a lot of people will likely be against your decision in this, but we had to do it too.  If anyone calls and asks is my SO invited to the rehearsal dinner you can say we need to limit the guest list for monetary reasons.   If they put up a stink tell them that they can come if they pay for their plate and that you’d really love to invite everyone’s SO, but you simply can’t afford it.  No one really cared at ours.  I’ve never taken Darling Husband to a Rehearsal Dinner that I’ve been at nor would he want to go.  

Post # 4
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I don’t think you should extend invitations to dates if you cannot host them.

Post # 5
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree.  I would just put the name of the invited guest on the invitation

Post # 7
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@nicoleshiver:  If someone calls and asks if he/she can being a date, you can always then say that you cannot host additional guests (say “host”) and if they then ask if they can pay for their date, tell them it’s fine. I just wouldn’t go around presenting that situation.

Post # 8
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Do you have any Out of Town members of the bridal party?  I was in my best friend’s wedding a few weeks ago, which my Fiance and I flew across the country for, so I did ask the bride if SO’s were welcome at the Rehearsal Dinner.  In his case they were, but it was only because we’d both flown in early for the wedding that I thought he would be invited (he was not in the bridal party).  I honestly think you’ll be okay handling it on a case-by-case basis, if members of the bridal party need to know, I think they’ll ask.

Post # 9
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@nicoleshiver:  You cannot do it and remain polite.  Social units must be invited to ALL functions together.  That means hosting your guests fully.  The rehersal is to thank your guests for their contribution to the wedding, and for coming out to reherase the day before.  The sacrifice is not only the actual attendent, but their families also sacrifice their time with the attendent.

I would suggest scaling back the rehersal to something that you can afford to host the spouses.

Post # 10
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think it is ok not to invite the spouses. You can always present it as that you want the nearest and dearest closest family members the night before because you get to see everyone at the wedding. Just address it the invite to that one person with no +1 or spouse name. 

People SHOULD understand. Granted that doesn’t always happen, but they should be ok. I have never taken my SO to a rehersal dinner.

Post # 11
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@LadyCupcake:  You can always present it as that you want the nearest and dearest closest family members the night before because you get to see everyone at the wedding.

But spouses are package deals.  You must invite them together.  It is about making sure your guests are comfortable. 

I would not be happy to be told that my spouse couldn’t come, so that the couple could have a “fancier” dinner then they can afford.

I don’t agree that people SHOULD understand.  I don’t, and I am the one that if following the rules of polite society.  I don’t understand why someone should understand when someone else is being rude.

Post # 12
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I think you have to invite spouses, fiancees and live-in committed relationships.   Another board takes it to an extreme, basically saying anyone an invittee identifies as a SO must be invited.  I do not agree.

Post # 13
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

If I were a bridal party attendant I would rather have cheaper food and bring my fiance than have a really nice dinner without him. Especially since most weddings we’ve been to are out of town so it would mean him sitting in a hotel by himself. So I’d recommend going for cheaper food (we’re thinking pizza) rather than not inviting significant others. But if your attendants are all local and you think they won’t mind coming without their significant other, then address the invites to just the attendants.

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