(Closed) Help please-Invitation when one spouse is incapacitated?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would sent it with both names.  It will giver her something to talk to him about and show him when she goes to see him.

Post # 4
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I would send the invite to both of them. My grandfather has dementia and I knew he would not be able to come but that my grandmother might be. I made out the invitation to both of them. I feel that not including the husband’s name would be more painful than including it when you know he can’t come.

Post # 5
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Send it to both. Even though he has dementia, he’s not deceased. Sending it to Mrs. A alone suggests that he is. Probably more offensive to suggest that than to extend an invitation to someone who is incapacitated.

Post # 6
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m with the others, send it to both of them.

Post # 7
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

we have this exact same situation with family friends, and i am going to address to both of them. i know she won’t come (i don’t think either of them will) but i still think it’s the right thing to do.

Post # 8
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yes, I would definitely agree that you should send it to Mr. and Mrs. A.

Post # 9
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Send it to both.  She may show him the invitation and tell him about the wedding while she is visiting him.   My grandmother had dementia but she still got excited hearing stories suchh as so and so is getting married.

Post # 10
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Send to both. If you sent it to just Mrs. A they might get the impression that you yourself are deeming Mr. A to be unfit to attend. That might be more hurtful than anything. Even if he’s not coming it’s the thought that counts and I agree with PP that it might be something nice for her to share with him on one of her visits 🙂

Plus, if you adress to Mrs. A alone that would seem as if she’s a window and although Mr. A’s health has declined he is still her husband and alive!

Post # 11
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yes definitely send to both. And write your thank you card to both as well. Addressing it to only her is just another reminder of his condition.

Post # 12
45 posts
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would address it to both.

Post # 13
1555 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah, I think send it to both of them so Mrs. A. can say “Oh honey, look what Cant_wait sent us! Isn’t it pretty?” So she doesn’t have to say, “Look what Cant_wait sent me? Isn’t it pretty?” That way he can feel included in your marriage/wedding even if he can’t be there. 

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