(Closed) Help please!!! Should I invite my uncle's live in mistress?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 48
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@ekee:  You can just tell them that your parents spoke without consulting with you first.  No formal invite sent, means no invite sent.  Tough situation.  GL!

Post # 49
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7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@MrsYoshida:  The problem I have with the “respect the culture” argument is that there are limits. Suppose they were in a country were slavery was legal. Should you invite his personal slave? No, because we don’t recognise slave ownership in Australia. Slavery is abhorrent. Come without your slave or stay home.

Gay partners aren’t analogous because society has come to realise these are equal and stable partnerships.

Similar here: we don’t recognise polygamy in Australia. In Australia we invite one person and their partner. We only have 2 seats reserved for you, you can come under those conditions or stay home.

I do agree with you, though, that if all 3 of them come to Australia (4 if you count the child) there’s a good chance of uncle trying to bring them both. So unfortunately the practical reality might have to be to invite them all.

Post # 50
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@ekee:  NO.  Absolutely not.  No way, no how.  Your poor aunt. 

If everyone in the house hold was happy then I might have a different answer.  If this situation is hurting someone then no, don’t do more to make her pain worse.

Post # 51
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

wow… i definitely feel for your aunt…. i don’t care if it’s culturally acceptable or not…. it canNOT feel good.  and no.. ABSOLUTELY NOT would I invite her to your wedding.  always remember the wedding is for you and your husband…. not to make anyone else “happy’ or comfortable…. it’s your special day and you should do it whatever way you want with whoever you want…..

Post # 52
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@MrsYoshida:  +1. While I feel really bad for the aunt and don’t agree with the situation, the family IS living in a country where this is ok, so I can kind of see the uncle’s point. It’s like if her uncle married a man and she decided to not invite his partner. Such a hard situation. 

Post # 53
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9182 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@paula1248:  Slavery is very differnt to polygamy so your analogy doesn’t hold up either.

A polygamous relationship can be just as equal and stable as any other form of relationship. Please do not judge every polygamous marriage by what you see on TV and in movies.

And just for fact polygamy is recognised in Australia. Many immigrants that move to Australia who are already in polygamous relationships have their status recognised. It is infact practiced informally here. Under the Marriage Act polygamous marriages that were performed under jurisdictions that legally recognize and perform such unions may be legally valid in Australia.

So under that it is perfectly acceptable for the OP to invite the uncle and his family unit. 

 

 

 

Post # 54
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@j_jaye:  Well there is a sort of limited recognition here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy_in_Australia so I stand corrected.

I stand by my view that polygamy is inherently degrading to women, and can never be as equal as a two person relationship, even though in some situations a polygamous marriage might be her best option. I’m not sure where you got the idea that I formed that idea from TV and movies.

Nevertheless the OP is entitled to set whatever rules she wants for her wedding, and if the uncle doesn’t like them he can stay home.

Post # 55
Member
9182 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@paula1248:  Because since your opinion of polygamous relationships is that it is inherently degrading to women and unequal which suggests that you have never researched the topic over and above the tabloid sensationalism around some mormons/cults/Islam and that you have probably never talked to a anyone involved in this lifestyle. Otherwise you would not be saying that it is inherently degrading to women and can never be equal.

It is kind of like saying all single mothers are dole bludgers/on welfare or children raised by gay couples will turn out gay. It is unfounded and insulting. 

You are right that the OP can set her own rules but my comments were more directed to the posters that were bashing a way of life that they in tuth probably know little about aside from the sensationalism.

Post # 56
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@paula1248:  Im with you there. Its so wrong on so many aspects.

 

But no matter what we all believe, the point of all this, is that THE WIFE doesnt like it. The OP said so herself. If they want to do this and they all agree, then fine, its your life. But since the wife hates it………

Totally agree with you.

Post # 57
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper

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@j_jaye:  speaking of sensationalism, Mormons do not practice polygamy and have not for many years. Those are fundamentalist groups who have nothing to do with the LDS church. 

Post # 58
Member
9182 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@BlondeMissMolly:  I didn’t say all mormons I said some mormons and some mormons do still practice polygamy.

Post # 59
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper

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@j_jaye:  no, “mormons” aka LDS do NOT practice polygamy. Like I said, some fundamentalist groups do that try to associate themselves with the church, but they are not LDS. 

Post # 60
Member
9182 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@BlondeMissMolly:  And not all mormons are LDS. Some are independent and other yes are fundamentalists that have broken from the LDS. The LDS likes to claim the term mormon but some of the independents and fundamentalists still refer to themselves as mormons.

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