Post # 1
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
I posted previously about invitation wording. Long story short…Fiance grandparents asked me how invitations were being worded..I said my parents are on them since they are 100% hosting…and then they said “well his parents should be on there too. blah blah”
So I talked to the invitation lady and she changed it..and I have to give the final OK before they’re printed but I don’t like it! I think it’s too wordy since they’re divorced so it says, “son of Mr. Benjamin Smythe and Mrs. Donna Michaleson” (not the real names but they’re that long) and it takes away from the rest of the invitation.
I’m very much a people pleaser so part of me wants to make his grandparents happy bc they are usually generous to us but then I’m angry that they tried to tell me what to do when no one but my parents are contributing. His dad doesn’t understand (in a convalescent home) and his mom doesn’t care either way. They are still nice people though.
I need to decide in a couple hours. What should I do?
Thanks!
Post # 3
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
I would include them. I feel like you have to pick your battles, and unless this means that much to you, it would just be easier to give them this one. We put my husband’s parents on the invites even though my parents paid for it. I felt like they were supportive in other ways so it was important to me that they be on there.
Post # 4
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
I would probably just live with it IF your parents don’t care. Honestly, you are the only person who cares. Not a single guest is going to worry about it.
Post # 5
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
I personally would not include them. Your parents are hosting and that’s not a cheap undertaking – they deserve the proper credit for doing so.
Post # 6
Member
14492 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I would put them on as Your FH’s name then ” son of soandso”. Would show that your parents are still hosting and appease the grandparents.
Post # 7
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
I agree with tksjewelry. Your parents deserve the credit for hosting, it is a very expensive undertaking. Fi and I are paying for everything ourselves. I decided not to include any parents on the invite.
Post # 8
Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
as your parents are hosting 100% i wonder what their thoughts are. if it was my invites i wouldnt have FI’s parents names – but im a bitch 🙂
Post # 9
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
Thank you for the good advice…I am still not sure what to do but my parents want an answer today.
@eloping: My parents don’t mind if his are on the invitation as “son of…..” They want me to keep the peace with the grandparents but say it’s ultimately my decision.
I originally wasn’t going to have their names and I still don’t want them on it. I like his parents but it makes the invitation so much longer and I feel it takes away from the date and time since it’s right before it. I also like the look without their names because you read the information that people need to really know (date, time, place).
Do you think I should have my fiance call his grandparents and say that we really want to make them happy by having his father’s name but it isn’t fitting well? You know, just to see how they feel about it and tell them everyone will be on the program?
The only thing that’s holding me back from deleting the parents is that his grandparents REALLY like me and they really HATE his brother’s wife…so they talk about her negatively once in a while and I don’t want that to happen to me over the invitation.
Thoughts??
Post # 10
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
@Hillzie: If it really makes the invitation look strange I wouldn’t do it. Do other people think it looks too cluttered? Maybe you just had envisioned it a certain way and the additional names don’t look that bad, just not what you had in mind.
That’s a shame you worry that they might talk badly about you over a wedding invitation, especially when they really don’t have much to do with it. But if they’re going to do that, they might find something else later.
Post # 11
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
@Natalieh86: I do think they invitation looks extra cluttered but I also remember how it looked before we added their names so maybe that’s why.
Here is a mock up of what the wording looks like. We have a square invitation so maybe that’s why it looks crowded with an extra line.
This is with their names (names have been changed but same length):
Mr. and Mrs. Sam Trembley
Request the honour of your presence
At the marriage of their daughter
Heather Ava
To
Michael Samuel Smythe
Son of Mr. Benjamin Smythe and Mrs. Donna Michaleson
On Sunday, the fourth of September
Two thousand eleven
At three o’clock in the afternoon
Place
Address
And here it is without his parents names:
Mr. and Mrs. Sam Trembley
Request the honour of your presence
At the marriage of their daughter
Heather Ava
To
Michael Samuel Smythe
On Sunday, the fourth of September
Two thousand eleven
At three o’clock in the afternoon
Place
Address
Everything will be centered. What do you ladies think? I really really appreciate all of the comments, I need fresh perspectives.
Post # 12
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
I really think you should include his parents. It’s very traditional in other cultures (Chinese, for example to list the parents of both people on the invite, and where they are listed, it’s clear that they’re not the hosts or the inviters. It’s a small battle and your grandparents-in-law will be happy and even guests who notice will think its more inclusive than not. If you pick this as your battle you will lose “ammunition” for things that really matter later in life.
Post # 13
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
I do prefer it without the names, especially considering it’s a square invite. I’m guessing considering you’re tight on room there’s no way to include the names and then add some space before the date to draw attention to that?
Post # 14
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
I would not include them. Your parents are the one thats hosting. There is no reason to be putting up a front for everyone. We are having this problem but we decided to word our like this
Jane doe and John smith
together with our families invite you yadda yadda.. that way its not so wordy and all parents are included. Idk if this will work for you or not but just throwing it out there.
Post # 15
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
My dad is hosting and my parents are divorced. I added everyone, because we are all a part of this. Our families did much more than just help with the wedding, we wanted to acknowledge their support throughout our lives.
I wouldn’t want to start the wedding planning with a battle on my hands if I were you, especially if your parents don’t mind.
Post # 16
Member
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
having the grooms’ parents’ names like that is very standard. if they asked you to include them and you don’t, i think that’s kind of rude, and in any case just not a battle worth picking–this is going to be your family, don’t you want to build as much good will as you can? i just don’t see why including them is that big a deal, your parents still get the credit for hosting when it’s worded like that