(Closed) HELP! PLUS SIZED INSECURITIES

posted 6 years ago in Full Figured
Post # 3
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@LauraVolkmer:  I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.  I too am 5ft 3in and about 212 on a good day, I thought dress shopping would be horrific, I had some good experiences and some bad, and there were days that I left a salon feeling huge. But I had to stop and tell myself, he met me when I was fat, fell in love with me still being fat and has asked me to marry him still being fat.   Maybe instead of focusing all your negative attention on your body try to focus on something you do like about yourself and try to enhance that, weather it be your eyes, hair, face, chest or your personality.  I know for me I hate the fact that my tummy pokes out but I love the hourglass shape I have, when I see myself straight on, that and my eyes. 

Maybe you should talk to your Fiance and tell him your insecurities, you’re planning on a life with this man and he should know, what your fears are going into this.  Ask him point blank if he’s “settling”.  It sounds like you want reassurance from your Fiance, whether it be about how he feels about the relationship or you and maybe even the way you look. If that’s what you need then tell him you would like some positive affirmation every once in a while. Maybe tell him you need more compliments or hugs and kisses.

Can you try talking to a counselor?  Remember, it’s not your fault, you have a currently uncontrolled medical condition. You can’t blame yourself for that.

I think you need to work on liking/loving yourself a bit more. Remember that we can’t base our self worth on the size we wear. it will get you nowhere.  You need to learn to be happy in the body given to you, because beauty is only skin deep. If you feel beautiful on the inside it will shine through on your wedding day.

So chin up girly, rock your curves and work on loving yourself for who you are as a person not what you look like in the mirror.

Post # 4
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I find it really concerning that you think your Fiance is just settling for you. I think you really need to talk to him about this, or a counsellor perhaps.  It’s not normal to feel that way, and no one should ever marry anyone they feel has settled for them. If you don’t absolutely know in your heart that he is marrying you because he loves, respects and cherishes you for the wonderful person you are, then he is not the right one.

Please take some time and talk to someone about your feelings. It’s not normal to feel that way about yourself or the man you are about to marry, regardless of what size you are. Every bride is beautiful on her wedding day, and it has nothing to do with her size.  A bride is beautful because she is radiant, happy, and beaming with love for her husband to be.  And you deserve a man who will be beaming right back at you from the other end of the aisle.

Post # 5
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@futureMrsTapp:  While I agree that it isn’t ever normal for someone to feel that her Fiance is “settling” for her, I don’t necessarily think that these feelings on her part mean there is anything wrong with him, his attitude, or their relationship.  Rather, I think the OP’s feelings in this regard might well be simply a side effect of her low self-esteem.  If she has a poor self-image and is feeling extremely insecure, a loving smile could easily be misinterpreted as a “fake” smile…and so on.  You see what I mean.  She is feeling very down on herself, and is likely projecting those emotions to those around her…her Fiance included.  So, it is entirely likely that he loves her more than anything in the world and treats her as such, but she finds it impossible to believe that this could be true.  I am willing to bet that this might be the case in the OP’s instance!

Either way, though, this situation is very sad for all those involved.  OP, perhaps you might want to consider seeing a therapist who specializes in self-esteem issues.  No woman, regardless of her size or any other physical feature, should ever feel this negatively about herself!  You should love and appreciate yourself for the beautiful woman that you are, and have faith that others around you see something wonderful when they look at you.  Every bride is beautiful!  Every single one.  You will be no exception, I absolutely promise.  🙂

Post # 6
Member
866 posts
Busy bee

I just want to say that I am sorry you are feeling so awful! I struggle with my weight and self image as well so I understand just how horrible it feels.  Try to be kind to yourself. ~Hugs~

Post # 7
Member
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@LauraVolkmer:  Welcome to the bee, I’m sorry you are feeling that way. I am the same height but I weigh quite a bit more. I had the same feelings as you, but you know what?  I felt like an absolute princess on my wedding day.

Your Fiance is going to look at you and his breath will be taken away. I promise you, when your big day comes you won’t be thinking about the insecurities.

Feel free to look in my past posts at my wedding photos. I’m a big girl who put those insecurities aside that day 🙂

Post # 8
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ooh, yes, I totally recommend looking at some of @Lyndzo‘s pictures…the lady is seriously drop-dead gorgeous, and she rocks those curves!  🙂  

Post # 9
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@LauraVolkmer:  I’m sorry for your thyroid issue and that you’re having these doubts about yourself.  It must be very frustrating to have something so beyond your control be as big of a hurdle as our society makes it.  However, let me tell you something true: there ARE guys who genuinely like all sorts of different body types, and the fact that you and your FH have been together this long should give you confidence that he loves you for who you are.  

There are many different ways to be beautiful, and tall skinny girls don’t have a monopoly on it.  Stop letting the media and shallow people in our society make you feel bad for who you are.  

As an anecdote….I spent three months in India several years ago.  I once heard a lady say “I wish I looked like Ann (another lady)….she’s so short and round and cute!”  Stuff like this is entirely cultural.  Don’t let it get you down. 

Post # 11
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@CookieCharmer:  I totally agree with what you said. I didn’t mean to imply she shouldn’t marry him because he’s settling for her, only that she needs to find out if that is actually the truth, or if her perception of how he feels about her is somewhat warped due to self-esteem issues.  She deserves to know for sure that she is his “one”. Either way, I think you’re right… a good counsellor is the best thing she can do.

Post # 13
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@LauraVolkmer:  You can’t compare yourself to the way you were in high school, if I did that I would freakout daily.  Also the way he views himself (body image wise) does not reflect on you in the least, mens’ minds are just different that way, he probably makes no connection there at all.  This self image thing is in your head, please stop comparing yourself to your past and to others and your Fiance, it will only make your mind wander to places it ought not go.

I’m sure your Fiance loves you just the way your are and I’m sure, if your medical issues have been discussed openly, that he knows that your weight issues are a medical problem and not being lazy. Finding the energy to do anything but be miserable is hard, I’ve been there. I seriously recommend talking to a counselor.  You need to learn to love yourself the way you want to be loved before you can expect anyone else to love you in the way you deserve.  You obviously want him to show you that he loves you, right, so take the steps you need to get yourself the support need and deserve.

Priority #!: yourself

Post # 14
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

P.S. I saw this on FB this morning and thought it was applicable to this situation

“Your weight is only a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty,talent purpose, life force, strength or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned.”

Also if you want to inspiration on how beautiful thick girls can be check out Thick Girls are Dope onf FB. I know this page has given me more confidence in my own skin.

Post # 15
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

I feel a little bit frivolous even posting this right now, but the other Bees are doing such a great job of covering other bases, so here is $0.02 …

If you’re located in Houston, and you don’t have a dress yet and are dreading shopping for one, and funds are tight, think about checking out the Brides Against Breast Cancer gown sale that will be happening there next month. They have gowns in the full range of sizes (a mix of pre-owned and new) so you can go try on dresses you can actually get into; they are very affordably priced; and the sale is a fundraiser – the money you spend goes to help women dealing with breast cancer. The volunteers who staff the event are really great, too. I hope that if you sort everything out and still feel that you do want to marry this man, you can find a stunningly beautiful dress at this event and feel good about how you look and how you’re supporting a worthy cause.

Post # 16
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

First, I really think you need to figure out the issue of you thinking that your future husband doesn’t find you attractive. MAYBE that’s true and then you honestly need to evaluate if you should marry someone who isn’t attracted to you. or (more likely I think), MAYBE you’re self conscious about your weight gain and it makes you think he is thinking things he isn’t. 

I can totally relate to you because I am 5’6″ but weight more than you (and did on my wedding day) and my husband is 6’3″ and in great shape. And here is a true story. I was feeling particularly fat one day before a date and put on a shirt I thought looked good even though it was tighter than I’d like on my stomach. I came downstairs and my husband gave me kind of a weird look and I was CONVINCED he thought I looked fat. I turned around, went upstairs and put on a different shirt. When I came back down he asked why I changed and I told him that he gave me a weird look and I thought he didn’t like that shirt. He told me he gave me a look because my boobs looked really hot and he thought really, I should go put the shirt back on. Point being— if I wouldn’t have changed/said something I would’ve felt bad about myself all day thinking my husband was thinking I was fat. But really that wasn’t true AT ALL. Our minds are funny. 

And, this is us: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/corgi-wedding-people

Corsets are amazing lol.

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