(Closed) HELP :( premarital counseling?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
387 posts
Helper bee

Oh I’m so sorry!  I don’t think it is “cold feet” per se but it seems like he has some insecurities from his family’s failed relationships and he’s projecting that onto y’alls relationship.  

ETA:  I think the counseling is a GREAT idea, and I hope it all works out!  Please let us know!  Also, don’t be sick over it, it’ll all work out!

Post # 4
22 posts
  • Wedding: April 2012

Good luck!! I’m sure counseling will help… Also, try talking to him about it without getting emotional.   I had to do that with my Fiance because his parents were never married so he would say he doesn’t believe in marriage for so long.  I cried, yelled, guilt tripped, got angry at him, got angry at myselft and the list goes on…. but what really ended up working at the end was just calmly talking about why we are not his parents or my parents and there is no point in comparing our relationship to others or setting up high expectations.  Once we decided to take it one step at time, I noticed a big change in his attitude.  Everyone is different though so best of luck to you 🙂

Post # 6
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It sounds to me like your Fiance is either depressed or has very low self-esteem, or both, and I think counseling is a wonderful idea.  He isn’t questioning his love for you, it sounds like he’s scared that you’ll be the one to be unhappy.  I’m sure things will work out as long as you both love each other Smile  **hugs** and good luck!

Post # 7
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My SO are about to begin counseling.  In the meantime I bought some books ‘101 Questions to Ask Before you Get Married and ‘1001 Questions to Ask Before you Get Married’.  It’s been really helpful.  In one, the first 2 chapters explore how we become the people we are and how our parents relationships shape our views.  There is a section for people who grew up in traditional households and another for people who grew up with divorced parents.  The questions really force you to examine what you want in your relationship and also why you think your family’s realtionships worked or failed and how to avoid their shortcomings and also face your fears.  I’d recommend it to everyone.

Post # 8
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@ananeele: Maybe I should buy that book for my mum.

Post # 9
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Counseling is definitely the way to go. I think it should be a requirement for anyone looking to get married. My counselor suggested Fiance and I read “The 5 Love Languages.” It helps you both work on communication. That way your SO can learn how to communcate his fears to you and you can learn how to understand and recieve him and communicate with him in a way he can understand as well.

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