(Closed) Help – Rehearsal Dinner Larger than the Wedding!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow. Whose decision was it to invite local family members to the Rehearsal Dinner and not the wedding? I’ve actually never heard of doing that before, but I can’t imagine its a great idea, honestly. I can’t really imagine whose feelings wouldn’t be hurt by something like that. If they aren’t invited to the wedding, I see no reason to include them in the Rehearsal Dinner at all.

With such a small guest list, I’m not really sure why you need STD’s at all. Can’t you just call them up and explain your invitation and that you’re also including them in the Rehearsal Dinner the night before? Then I’d just not worry about the Rehearsal Dinner invites being included anywhere and just send the regular invitations for the wedding as planned.

You may actually have LESS people want to come if they know you’re planning an entire weekend for your wedding, as that increases costs to them by having them get rooms for 2 nights plus travel.

Post # 4
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

agree with PP.

If the Rehersal dinner is going to be just as fancy with all the trimmings of a wedding dinner why not just invite the rest of the 20 people to your wedding and have a small less fancy RD? Your plan seems way too confusing and indeed insulting to the ones only invited to the Rehearsal Dinner.

Post # 5
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - The Royal Park Hotel

Yikes! First off, I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this confusion. Planning a wedding is definitely an adventure and a learning process. 🙂

Without knowing your venue deets (e.g. can it even hold more than 40 people), one question to consider is whether or not 20 people is worth the complications from not including your geographically close relatives. I totally understand where you’re coming from in wanting to keep costs down by down-sizing the guest list, but sometimes you can’t put a price on burned bridges. Everyone’s situation is different, but that’s my initial take without knowing more (like who’s paying for the wedding, how often you speak to these distant relatives, etc.).

Post # 6
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I have to agree with PP – I wouldnt invite people to the rehearsal dinner and not the wedding. If the uninvited guests want to socialize with family members from out of town, let them do it on their own. I would be pretty offended if I were invited to a Rehearsal Dinner and not the wedding the next day!

Post # 7
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We decided to not have a “rehearsal dinner” but actually do a real rehearsal dinner with just me and my groom and our officiants and our wedding party. no “guests” just people who are actually rehearsing. Save the money to invite them to the wedding.


If possible, can you do this? Then you only have to organize one event, even though it means more people at that one event.

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