- 7 years ago
I NEED HELP! LOTS OF HELP!
Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been dating for 11 months now, and have been doing distance since late May. I’m currently visiting him, and I feel like I was slapped in the face because WE ARE NOT OKAY.
He said last night he doesn’t feel the same as before and doesn’t know what’s missing. Apparently he’s not as attracted to me as he used to be and has felt distanced from me, except when we’re having heart to hearts in bed or sleeping together. Oh, and the sex is still amazing for the most part.
I feel like he has been distant to me, and that can be illustrated by our bickering over video chat, which started probably 3 weeks ago. So there have been maybe 2 weeks of bickering and then a week of not talking (he was at a retreat), then we bickered right before I came on Tuesday, and he got all nervous. When I arrived, we both felt weird about the whole thing, but I thought that was just doubt and also unfamiliarity. I ended up letting go of my doubt and just focusing on being in the moment with him, but he can’t seem to do the same. He says there’s a voice in his head asking whether things are the same as they were before. When we talked about the doubt on the first night, he wasn’t as open to me about this, and he didn’t really open up until last night. However, when we’re problem-solving our relationship or when I’m taking care of him when he’s sick he feels close to me.
I guess there are a host of reasons that could explain this, but I’m worried that we won’t get back to where we used to be. I don’t want to lose him. We both agreed that while in school and the first month of doing distance, things were going super well, even though we had fallen into a routine. He said if things had kept going in this direction, he would have certainly considered spending the rest of his life with me. At this point, I’m not sure what to do. I feel like we’re at a crossroads, and he has to choose, even though he’s not sure that he can control his mind.
Apparently the entire trip, there have been doubts about whether this has been as good as it was before, and he feels like I’ve turned into a close companion, except in bed. I was physically sick last night because of this discussion (shaking, chills, burning up, vomiting, diarrhea, etc). He was sick the night prior and said that that may have been due to stressing out over this, and then he was sick again last night (nauseous, mostly).
We are trying a clean slate today. Or at least that’s what we decided last night. I’m just second-guessing everything, and I want to fix this. I just want him to look at me similarly and smile more, but I’m not sure what I can do to fix it. I don’t know. I wish I could read his mind.
I think this is my fault for not visiting in July. We had had such a good momentum going in May/June and right after he visited in June, and then I didn’t visit until now.
Oh also, apparently after we started bickering via video chat, the chats started becoming a chore for him, whereas I’ve always looked forward to chatting with him.
Has anyone experienced something similar?
I want to fix this. I offered to move here in Sept but he said it would be too much pressure on him. I guess I can try to move near him in January, maybe. What should I do?
Please be constructive. I really can’t handle the idea of this ending.