(Closed) Help! Secretly found the ring and I don't like it!

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 46
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
Sporty-Bee:  uhh… she said she’d be more comfortable with a plain band.

Post # 47
Hostess
9080 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
Elle_bee:  I don’t think the OP is going to have to fake how happy she is. She is happy at about an impending proposal, the ring just isn’t to her taste.

Post # 51
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think I would be more excited that he was choosing to spend the rest of his life with me over whether or not the ring was conflict free or fair trade. But that’s just me.

Post # 54
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
ChrissyMary9515:  did I tell HER to get a blingy band? No. I said I understood her not liking solitaires as I don’t like them for me either. Only with a blingy band I would like them. Then mentioned some options for changing her engagment ring.

Post # 55
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Id recommend allow him to propose and in time, toward your wedding, you can always change your E-Ring before the wedding. Or you can add an enhancer or wrap to the E-Ring to help make it look different.

Post # 56
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
Sporty-Bee:  So there are options. Maybe add a halo, side stones, milgrain… Breathe. At least you have more options than if you were given a very elaborate setting you didn’t like. You can always add stuff

I took the “You”‘s in this to mean the OP. Chill.

 

Post # 57
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Or swap out the diamond for a Moissanite/gemstone instead. You will get money back and you can use it for your wedding bands instead.

Post # 58
Member
774 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
plainejanebride:  Only jumping in here because you asked if anyone else had wanted conflict-free and not rec’d it, etc…..yep. The mining industry as a whole irks me, for precious stones most of all. I was very upfront about this with DH and we spent a long time trying to find pre-owned rings and I pinned to our shared “ring board” a bunch of rings from places like Brilliant Earth which purchase mined stones but at least are more conscious of the impacts and are capable of using recycled gold. To his credit, he tried. But he did want the actual proposal and ring to be a surprise, so even though I made my preferences known, it was really all on him. He spent a long time trying to find a ruby ring in rose or yellow gold for me (saw it on a tv show once…fell in love) but to find that and find ethical (I would have liked with lab created too) and find it on our budget…it was just too much. He put in a lot of effort but shopping like this for him is not as easy as it would have been for me. I think I could have found exactly what I wanted or had it made in a lab, and I am sure if you were picking out your own ring, you could too. 

Proposal comes and it is a very pretty ruby ring in pink gold surrounded by two side diamonds on a half-pave diamond band. Gorgeous but not ethically sourced in any possible way. In that moment, I really really had to set aside my preferences and think that while my values were good, it was better to value him and the time, money, and stress he put into picking out something he really thought I would like. 

If this is the ring he got you, then be a gracious recipient. It will grow on you over time because rings are beautiful and sparkly, and the gift comes from a heart of love. Think of it fondly as the time when he was still a single man, doing the best shopping for you he knew how. When you are married, you will have a whole lifetime of sharing your values with him and encouraging more conscious purchasing that you guys do together. From here on out, you can probably be involved in jewelry decisions without hurting his feelings. You guys can donate time and money together to causes important to you. 

What’s done is done here, and my way of coping was just to find the joy in the gift and think of the future together. Also…we both got cheapo but pretty, plain bands in an attempt to offset the diamonds already purchased haha.

Post # 59
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
plainejanebride:  I’m only asking because I have worked in a lot of jewellery… And I am so curious that you know they sell conflict stones. I just can’t imagine a store advertising they sell conflict stones. That’s very serious. In Canada you can’t sell a stone as a diamond in store unless it’s certified conflict free.

What country do you live in? Do they advertise that they don’t have conflict free options? I’m really just curious.

As for the ring, PP’s suggested just wearing your band later on. I think that’s a great idea. If you like simple, you could even have the diamond from the solitaire set into a simple pendent also. So you can sport your simple wedding band, and also the diamond from your original e-ring in a simple fashion. You could even just bust out the pendent for special occasions.

Post # 60
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

I would not tell him I found it. And, show him what I would like in a roundabout type of discussion and hope to high heavens that he picks up on it and returns it.

The topic ‘Help! Secretly found the ring and I don't like it!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors