(Closed) Help! Serious sister/MoH problems!

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

oh, sisters…

You didnt mention either of your ages but i’m gonna take a wild stab and guess she’s yonger. I’m 25 and my sister is 20. Were alot closer than we used to be but i totally get sister drama.

I asked her to be Co Maid/Matron of Honor wiht my Boyfriend or Best Friend. I love both of them enormously but neither my sister or my firend live close enough to help in person, or have enough money to rely do all the typical Bridesmaid or Best Man "stuff".  That said i did what you did with your sister i’m just saying get a dress and stand with me and pick up the phone when i call, anythign else she can do is gravy.

Sisters are tricky, especially younger ones.  As the older sister we have to figure stuff out first.  I have the stable job, i’ve had the long term relationship,  i was expected to to be the responsible one. Younger sisters sometimes seem like they get a free pass to skip all the hard stuff we had to do and thats tough to deal with.

Yeah, she’s off in boyfriend land right now.  Now i dont know your situation but for my sister 6 months is a longterm relationship (i think thats about the point when she got engaged to her FI).  whereas i’ve been wiht my Fiance for 6 years.  So for her it might be a much bigger deal to be sepperated from a 6month Boyfriend then it would be for you.

Yeah shes being a bit of a jerk by sayign she not coming, and it would be nice if he got to know everyone better.  But if she feels strongly enough that shes threatning to skip your wedding stuff for his sake, maybe shes serious about him.  And  thing of it this way, would it kill you to have another seet at the head table? he doesnt have to sit next to you.  And what better way to encourage him to become part of the family and get to know everyone than toreally truely include him in such a special day.  Think, how would you feel in his shoes if you has to sit at a seperate table from your husband for an entire wedding?  if theres anyhitng i know about its trying to get boyfrinds aclimated to the family!  boy can it be tough, expecially if they feel excluded early on.

Sorry if this was long. I know its fustrating, and its not how you want things to go, but dont give your sister the boot.  you’ll want the memories of her up ther with you.   This will help Boyfirnd feel welcomed, and even if she doesnt keep this boyfriend, she’ll remember the welcoming gesture and may be more proactive in bringing mr. right around the family.

 Good luck!

Post # 4
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

SISTERS. Your story and my story are quite similar. I almost threw in the towel last week. You aren’t being unreasonable, its just they don’t realize how much they are missing out on.

Some other post said that having a sister in the bridal party isn’t about how close you are now, but the hope for the future. So I am keeping my sister in the bridal party… But i have been tempted to un-invite her from the wedding overall trust me! ;o)

Just hang in there, grin and bear it, it will pass and one day maybe she will be reflective and say to you ‘wow- I wasn’t nearly there for you? so sorry!’. But at least you were there for her!

Post # 5
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think that six months is an okay amount of time for a "real" relationship, so I don’t see why it would be a problem to have him at the rehearsal dinner.  I get that you’re trying to have immediate family only, but if your sister is upset and sulking the whole time, it would put a real damper on the mood, so it’s probably better to accomodate her.  It just seems better to have happy (or at least cordial) family plus one extra, than to have a sour vibe going on.

I also don’t think that it’s very nice to separate couples at the reception when one is in the bridal party and one isn’t — I know that traditionally, only the bridal party sits at the head table, but to me it seems like a good way to make several people (BP and their SOs) unhappy.  I guess it’s just one of the many wedding traditions I disagree with.

The changing thing is a little weird, though…I don’t know why any guy would want to get dressed around a bunch of other guys he doesn’t know.  Honestly, though, I think these are fairly small things to stress about, and if it were me, I’d be inclined to just let it go so I didn’t have negativity affecting my wedding day.  In twenty years, you’re not going to care that much about who sat at the head table, but you will care if you were miserable on your wedding day because of needless stress.

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