Post # 1
I am an encore bride. 1st wedding back in 2001 was at the court house and we had a huge reception on our 1st Anniversary the following year. Needless to say it was a waste because it was over 2 months later. (all for the better)
I’m getting married again this spring to my best friend/love of my life. My mother thinks that my fiance and I shouldnt be spending a lot of money on our wedding since I had a wedding already. I have tried to explain to her that I want to experience being a bride with the love of my life and do it the right way this time. My mom even suggested me wearing the same dress and using the same unity candle. I am so upset. I don’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings, however I’m getting a bit angry.
Anyone else going through this?? What are your thoughts?
Post # 3
I am also an encore bride. I am sure your mom means well but, no I wouldn’t use anything from a previous marraige, even if I still had something from it. This new marraige is a fresh new start and you should use fresh new thing; not something that came from a past marraige. Just let her know that you understand that she wants to save you some money, but you really want a fresh start with your new man, and having past items included in your wedding would just be wrong.
Post # 4
Maybe there’s some non-descript things you can recycle, like flatware and linens…but the dress and unity candle? Oh no. No no no no. Bad juju.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t use anything from your previous marriage…
1. b/c idk how your new FH would feel about that
2. I think your new marriage and unity should be represented by the new things you use.
Post # 6
I think since there is a substantial gap between the two weddings, that it is NOT in bad taste to go all out and have the wedding of your dreams. A decade has passed and you are a different person now, and this is a different life. Get a new dress. If there is a consignment shop in your area that sells bridal, maybe you can talk them into doing a trade, your old dress for another dress? That way some other bride can benefit from that gown as well. One thing I would say, if your parents paid for your first wedding, don’t ask or expect them to pay for the second. This one should be on you. The upside of this, is that it can be anything you want it to be, and you don’t have to listen to your mom or anyone else when they tell you what they think you should and shouldn’t do.
Post # 7
I agree with @noritake22: and @MissHoneyBun:
You need to tell your mother that you appreciate her worrying about the financial aspect of things, but you want a fresh start. To me, there’s no point in a fresh start if it’s not done right. It’s like …. putting freshly laundered linens on a bed, then climbing right in after not showering for a week. It’s just wrong.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone!! That is exactly what I have tried to say her… a new life, fresh start needs all NEW things. I have a fabulous new dress and we are really going all out for our wedding. I’m really happy and so excited. I will talk with her again and explain how I’m feeling so she understands. Bringing up old things is just not OK for any of us. Hearing the feedback has been reassuring. Thanks again!!
Post # 9
Nope new man …..new wedding….therefore new wedding things i agree with Misshoneybun very bad juju
Post # 10
I can’t imagine using anything from my first wedding. Of course, that was also back in 1996 and weddings were much different. Even that aside, I would just think it’s “weird.”
Is your mom paying for the wedding? That’s the only reason I can think that she would be so insistent. Otherwise, just tell her you’ve got it covered.
Post # 11
In principle, I could see using things from your first wedding. However, that is a decision that you should be able to make, one way or the other. If your mother isn’t paying, she doesn’t get a vote.
Post # 12
I think how much you spend is up to you and your Fiance, unless your mother is paying. I do not think you should use anything from your previous experience.
Not to be rude, but I think your mother is being a bit unreasonable. Is it finances? Or is she having a difficult time accepting this or something. Good luck to you though.
Post # 13
Dress, definitely not. Also things like a unity candle, you aren’t going to be saving that much money anyway.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t use anything from a first wedding. Here is a story, I have a friend who’s wedding I was the Maid/Matron of Honor for this past August…and she wore the same dress she wore in the first wedding (that was a justice of the peace) and this time she had a real small wedding…mostly his family. Anyways, I told her not to but she did anyways.
They are now talking about a separation. Could be a bad omen.
Post # 15
It is a new life together and a new celebration of your committment! I say do not use items from your last wedding.
Our wedding was a total 180 from both of our first weddings and we loved it! Our wedding is OURS not meant to be a shadow of a day that was once before and a relationship that is our past.
Celebrate your love of a lifetime and that love is uniquely special.
Wish you both well!
Post # 16
i want NOTHING remotely similar to my first wedding. i have purposely chosen things thats totally different. colours style and everything.
its a new start after all.
using your wedding dress and unity candle…….a definate no no.