(Closed) Help!! Singles are bringing guests when “and guest” was not on the invite.

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

This is tough. I would suggest speaking with each invited guest indivually and explain your situation. Most will understand and will recind the RSVP for 2. Some won’t but at this point it can’t be helped. Some people do not understand wedding invitation ettiquette or prefer not to go dutch to a wedding. I also know how time consuming this will be but if your space is as limited as you say you may have no choice.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We are in the same boat as you – limited space based on our budget. I am also the first out of all my friends that are tying the knot so most do not know the ettiquette. Which, if I am correct, the only person invited is the person the invite is addressed to.

I agree with Chela429. You must have that talk with each and everyone of them, unfortunately. But make is short and sweet. Have something written out on paper so that you can call them up and just have that conversation and not get sidetracked.

I have already had this talk with people and I haven’t even sent out the invites yet! I am hoping that we won’t have to deal with this issue, but just in case, I will be watching this thread for any advice from other ladies out there!

Best of luck!

 

Post # 5
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Just call them up (or e-mail them) and say, "I was so happy to get your RSVP and see that you can make.  However, I noticed you mentioned bringing a date.  Unfortunately, we don’t have the space to accomodate your guest- that’s why we just put your name on the invite.  I hope you understand."

Post # 6
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’m the type of person who quite often uses "an eye for an eye" mantra in social situations.

If your guests are tactless & just add people to your guest list without asking: be just as ignorant back. I’d say to them "Due to restrictions from [insert scapegoat here] we really only have room for you". Then assure them that lots of your college/hs friends will be there & that they will have tons of catching up to do! I think 1/2 the time people bring guests is because they are afraid that they’ll be stuck with a table of people they don’t know.

Still, thats no excuse to just assume they can bring someone you’ve never met. Money doesn’t grow on trees folks!! There’s my rant of the day! Sheesh. People bug me. lol

Post # 7
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I totally agree Recessionista!!  It seems like people just have no sense these days. DOn’t they realize weddings are expensive????

Post # 8
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

The advice that Rosychicklet gave is right on point.

That’s exactly what I did when a few single friends returned RSVPs with "+1" written in. I sent out a mass email, playing it off as a way to check in with everyone….and mentioned at the end that we had to eliminate casual guests. It was the only way we could invite everyone that’s close to us, and not break the bank.

You can also chalk it up to limited capacity within your venue, which I also mentioned to my single guests.

After that email, everyone was pleasantly accomodating to our requests. 

Post # 9
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

agreed with pps!  I am dreading the uninvited plus ones that will be coming back with my rsvps.  my fi and i have already had several single friends make comments about needing to find a date for our wedding.  we of course set them straight, but this is so rediculous to me!  its not prom!  its a wedding, that my parents are spending a lot of money on and excuse me for not wanting to spend $150 a plate on someone random you found to escort you!  besides, on our wedding day we want to share it with our friends and family…not a bunch of strangers!  i think until people have actually been through the planning process they don’t understand all the time and effort that goes into planning an event like this.

Post # 10
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh, snoopnaz33, you gave me my laugh today!!  Thank you!  I love your "it’s not prom, it’s a wedding" statement.  I’m going to have to use that one!  

I too am anxiously awaiting my response cards.  I am fairly certain that those that I invited know the etiquette on bringing a guest only if it is written on the envelope "and guest" but I’m not so sure about my FI’s guests — even his family members for that matter.

I know I will be making those calls and sending those emails so I’m already preparing myself.  I think more and more these days the bride and groom themselves are paying for a good chunk of the wedding, especially if they are older.  I can’t believe that people wouldn’t put themselves in the bride/grooms’ shoes on that one. 

Post # 11
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I feel ur pain…i’ve been irritated lately coz of these "+1s".  I think venting here would help me coz my man doesn’t understand why it gets me upset.

One of our bridesmaids who is my man’s cousin asked if she could bring a +1 for our wedding.  She broke up with her bf of 5 years almost a year ago, but u can still see the pain, so i agreed.  She’s bringing her bestfriend.  Our 2 groomsmen who are also my man’s cousins are not dating as well, but the bridesmaid and the groomsmen decided that they will bring their friends as their +1s coz everyone else in the bridal party has a +1 (their bfs and gfs).  The said bridesmaid and groomsmen’s +1s are their friends who they always hang out with.  Since they’re younger than us, i don’t think they know any wedding etiquettes right now such as paying for ur +1s since they weren’t accounted for in the first place. 

 But what bothers me the most is that for me, it feels that they’re having a freaking reunion at my wedding.  Am i overreacting coz that’s how i really feel???  I can’t tell them "no u can’t bring a +1 whom i don’t know, and no, it’s not a reunion!" coz that’s just mean and my man won’t like it.

Post # 12
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

It really is a tricky thing with how your man will feel.  I feel that pain too.  One of my mother’s friends is having a cookout/shower for us that we invited mostly our friends to attend.  I would be mortified if "his" friends didn’t RSVP to the party.  I know my friends know that they need to do that so, I’m not worried about them.  I told him that he needed to make sure that his friends RSVPed and he got a little miffed.  I guess there really isn’t a delicate way to put any of this except to preface your comments with, "you know these completely ridiculous things worry me but I would really appreciate if you could tell your friends that this is not their party".  Or at least that is how I would say it.

Post # 13
Member
19 posts
Newbee

 What an ‘OUCH’ on your pocket book brides! I can understand that really young people may not know any better but if you’ve already been through college, it’s time to learn eitiquette. I agree that you need to speak up on this. It’s your wedding! In the future when you look back at your photos you won’t even know who many of these people are.

 Here is my understanding of ‘plus 1’. If the invite is sent to someone who has been dating the same person for one year or more, than you add the plus 1. Anything less and you are not obligated to pay for the additional unknown guest. With your venue being too small that adds an even larger problem, but a very good explaination.

Good Luck!

 

Post # 14
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t understand people who don’t read the invitation.  If it doesn’t say "& Guest", then you come alone.

The one other example I had was when I didn’t have an "& Guest" but my friend kept saying she hoped "we" (boyfriend & I) could come to the wedding.  So I just dropped her an email and asked for clarification–nicely, saying things like "I noticed that my invitation was only addressed to me but you have specifically mentioned the two of us attending.  Am I able to bring my boyfriend?"  In the case I think the "& Guest" was just forgotten.

When in doubt, ask before finding a date, people! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I altready told my friends no guests because its very limited; if they still respond i would just tell them again space and budget is tight and they can bring their dates if someone suddenly drops out or backs out

Post # 16
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yikes! This is why I’m putting. "We have reserved ___ seats in your honor." on my RSVPs. 

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