(Closed) Help!! Singles are bringing guests when “and guest” was not on the invite.

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Well its definitely a problem you can’t afford not to address. I would call or email (depending on your relationship) each one individually. There may be a chance that someone is actually in a relationship much more serious than you had thought. Not that this excuses the behavior, but if they feel they need to plead their case it will aid in avoiding burned bridges.

If you are crazy busy, ask your Maid/Matron of Honor to help contact them!

Post # 18
179 posts
Blushing bee

We are not going to have any “and guests”. If you are not married or engaged, you can come alone. We’re already cutting out friends and family we WANT there from our guest list as it is to save $$. No way is some random date taking up a space that could have been given to a friend.

The only exception to this rule will be the partner of fiance’s gay cousin. His long term (8 yrs) SO will be invited. Fiance considers his cousin’s partner to be family.

Post # 19
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery

This is my number one worry when it comes to wedding invites…I have been pondering the best way to solve the issue before it becomes a problem. 

Post # 20
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

It is rude for people to assume they can write in whatever they want in the RSVP response card. I don’t like the excuse “They just don’t know the etiquette” because it’s common sense – not memorizing Emily Post. You unfortunately have to contact these offenders and explain that money doesn’t grow on trees and you would prefer not to be surrounded by strangers on your wedding day.

Post # 21
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

Unfortunately, I don’t think it is common sense.  While those of us familiar with wedding etiquette (i.e. obsessed with weddingbee) know whats what, to the unfamiliar guest, this stuff can be confusing.  Inner envelopes are giving way to greener weddings and some unknowing guests may not know that the inner envelope denotes who exactly is invited to a wedding.

I think unclear reception cards are the culprit.  I hate to see reception cards with multiple spaces for names not filled in.  Many an invited guest may assume that those additional lines are for their as yet unknown guest.  I think a good way to take care of this is (a) either write out the guest name and leave no additional space on the reception card or (b) specifically state “we have reserved # space(s) for you” on the reception card. 

Post # 22
5 posts
  • Wedding: October 2009

We are doing the same thing as llaurra — putting 

“___ seats have been reserved in your honour”

And the line right underneath that is the number of guests attending, there is no excuse for writing a bigger number than was invited!

Post # 23
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Due to $$ and space we didn’t have any ‘and guests’ on our RSVP’s.  Every time we received a RSVP back that had +1 we nicely told them that we were not including guests in our count.  IF we had room we would let them know that they were free to bring their guests but not to count on it.  I really like the idea that some had with their RSVP’s… by putting ‘we reserved ___ seats for you’ it would save the hassle and let them know up front if they’re allowed a guest 🙂

Post # 24
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh dear, yep these folks are being a little unthoughtful, most people (whether married or not) know it costs a fortune to feed someone at a wedding and so guests are selected carefully. 

I think some folks just see a wedding as a party and don’t quite get the fact that it not only costs a shed load more than say a birthday party or that actually you might not want some random person at your wedding.

Have a little chat with them (call or e-mail) explaining the situ, I’m sure they’ll understand.

Post # 25
6 posts

LLauRRa, we did the “____ adults are allotted for your party” AND a message on our RSVP call-in number to only RSVP for the number of adults listed in your invitation…and people are STILL inviting extras!! I couldn’t believe it.  It’s really amazing how bold people can be.  I became so enraged with the absurdity of some of my guests, that I had to pass it off to one of our wedding planners to do the calling.  I was getting too stressed and it was changing my perception of them.  So, to preserve my relationship with some of my guests, I stepped away from the RSVP list and delegated it.

Snoopnaz23 said it best!

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