(Closed) Help! Struggling with FIs sister

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Steph77:  I would let it go. I understand it sucks that they went back on their word (that they’d stay in the apartment with everyone), but you can’t force her to stay with you. But apart from going back on her word, I don’t she’s done anything wrong. Some people prefer privacy to being in close quarters with extended family.

Post # 4
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Steph77:  Ugh, she’s being very inconsiderate given that she knew the deal for quite a while and told you they were in. You know it, she knows it, everyone probably knows it… but what difference does that make for you at the end of the day? Probably none.

In regards to your actual question of how to handle it: I don’t think you have much choice. Forcing the four of them to stay in the apartment (such as by saying that you expect them to pay for the suite no matter what since they committed in January) would likely just make things uncomfortable and cause more drama than it is worth. 

At the end of the day you want the morning of your wedding to be calm and happy. As irritating as this is, maybe it will work out for the best if it means you can escape any last minute Future Sister-In-Law drama. Also, if she can’t commit do ensuring her kids won’t spill something down your dress (I mean, I know accidents can always happen, but that’s a very specific thing to be worried you can’t prevent with some adequate supervision!) then it might be a stress you don’t need. 

I would encourage you to feel the irritation for a few days, then try to shake it off and move on to more important and happier things. Sorry, and good luck!

Post # 5
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Steph77:  Oh, and by the way, I would totally use every square inch of the spare suite to indulge my every possible wedding preparation whim. I would lay out my shoes, jewellery, and undergarments in one room, then set up another as an aromatherapy meditation zone and, if there was any more space, reserve an area for naked-holy-s***-I’m-about-to-get-married last minute naked dancing to burn off nervous energy. But that’s just me 😉

Post # 7
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Steph77:  Offer her to cover the difference between the accomodation she found and the one of yours. it will:

1) cost you less than having to pay the whole apartment cost yourself

2)deprive her of the cost  excuse

Post # 8
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

While I agree that she’s being a pain in the arse and should have said ‘no’ to the apartment a heck of a lot earlier, I can see it from the other side.

My FI’s cousin got married a couple of months ago.  Only Fiance attended as we just couldn’t afford for me to go – I’m currently not working, so Fiance would have had to cover all my expenses.  He was willing to do so, but I wasn’t.  

FI’s parents insisted that he stay at the same hotel as them.  Even though they all live in the same city, albeit about 20 miles away from the wedding location.  His room for the night, in a very standard chain hotel, cost £200!   What made it worse is that the wedding ended early in the evening, he could have easily got public transport back to where he lives!

Fiance is up to his eyes in debt.  To me, that was a terrible waste of money.  Nearly the equivalent in what I get to live on for a month.   Mine and FI’s finances are somewhat blended, as we’ve been together for over 5 years.  I’m still livid when I think about that waste of money…

I understand why you are upset.   Miss_Mae is right though, ignore her and look at all the positives. 

Post # 9
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You can’t book accommodations for someone else, force them to stay there, then make them pay the bill. You simply cannot spend someone else’s money on something YOU want. If your Future Sister-In-Law has found cheaper accommodations and she is paying, then she should be able to stay anywhere she wants. It’s awfully presumptuous of you to tell certaim guests: you MUST stay in a hotel for this exact length of time, you get NO choice in where you will be staying, and here is a bill for you as well, now enjoy it!

Post # 12
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Steph77:  This sounds exactly like something my sister in law would do. Honestly, it sounds like she wants attention and she wants you to beg her to please stay, or she’s just attempting to make things difficult for you. I would just say, “Okay! No problem” and drop it. Then maybe discuss how much fun staying in the house was in front of her, lol. 

Post # 14
3277 posts
Sugar bee

Steph77:   When we viewed the venue the apartment was available and we thought it was a good option for everyone as it is conveniently onsite and reasonably priced.

It sounds like YOU thought it was a good idea.  But it isn’t only about what you think/want.  She doesn’t share your enthusiam for the idea, and since it’s her money that is really all that matters. 

Initially it may have sounded like an ok idea to her.  But she’s now found something better (to her).  You made this suggestion and they have decided to go another way.  There is nothing you should be upset about.  If you really want her there, then either pay her share or at least the difference between the two places.

I totally appreciate her side of it, so that may be clouding my judgement.  But the idea of staying with all those people in one place is a nightmare to me.  Having to get up and “be on”, not being able to totally relax, always feeling like you have to help out and tidy up etc. 

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Post # 15
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

AnnaVictoria:  THIS

You can’t force her into anything but at least this will reveal the actual reason she doesn’t want to be there.  If she still doesn’t want to stay at the apartment you’ve booked, let it go.  There are many worse things that could happen.

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