Post # 16
I do hear the bees posting in support of Future Sister-In-Law, your points are generally valid but can I please make a couple of points really clear;
The apartment is not something we imposed on anyone, we did not insist anyone stay there. We presented the apartment as an option, with no pressure, very early on and everyone had the oppertunity to say if they were uncomfortable with it for any reason. We were clear that if we went ahead we would have to pay a non-refundable deposit to secure, everyone agreed to that. At that point By The Way there were some other people that would have wanted a room but we couldnt fit everyone in so it really wouldn’t have been an issue if Future Sister-In-Law wanted to stay elsewhere. Those people have now booked other accommodation so by making this choice now she is leaving us in the lurch.
All this said, yes it it her money and her choice, no we can’t force her to stay somewhere she doesn’t want to and of course we wouldn’t want to. At this point we will just have to deal with it and cover the cost. It is what it is
Post # 17
I understand that this is all driving you nuts and it hurts when your in-laws seem less then supportive. I get it. But from where I’m standing, it seems like you have this “image” in your mind where everyone is lovey dovey, supportive, and everyone follows the rules and plays well together. Unfortunately, that is NOT reality and your in-laws just aren’t that type of people.
If I were you, I would immediately get my head out of the “wedding planning” cloud and really see what your reality is. Your SIL is someone who loves to complain and gossip like the world is personally against her to the rest of the family. She is who she is, so STOP sharing personal information about what’s going on in your life and absolutely stop inviting her to events that mean so much to you b/c you know she will start drama and ruin it.
Regarding the apartment fiasco, there is a big lesson for you to learn w/ this all falling apart. In the future, just plan for yourselves and let other people figure themselves out. Or if you insist on the family all being together, then you know what will happen with your SIL and her flaking out last minute, so I wouldn’t trust a damn thing out of her mouth until I saw her half of the check, etc. But if I were you, I would STOP planning events where it requires your in-laws to have to contribute in such a big way like having to be there, pay for anything, etc.
I understand that in the beginning they were very nice. But girl those rose-colored glasses have been ripped from your face awhile ago, and for your own sanity it’s time you accepted reality instead of continuing to plan/expect that your in-laws will all be pleasant, loving, people who follows the plan like everyone else and being super hurt and disappointed when theu don’t. That is NOT the family you are marrying into, so the sooner you adjust your expectations and how you want things to be, the sooner they’ll stop driving you crazy.
Post # 18
andielovesj: Agree completely. I’m very introverted, so a weekend-long non-stop family thing would be awful for me.
Also, my partner and I are very, very frugal, and what’s reasonably priced to a lot of people seems pricy to us. Is your sister in law a thrifty person, or are they having money issues?
Post # 19
Shina: Thanks for your comments which are fair and helpful. For what its worth the rose coloured glasses are very much off, expectations adjusted and we stopped sharing information a couple of months ago, its a shame for my Fiance who is taking it very much to heart. The current situation is just a sting in the tail from decisions made when everyone was being supportive and helpful, I guess we were dumb not to see it coming.
Post # 20
Steph77: I totally get where you are coming from and I don’t understand why posters are reacting the way they are. Future Sister-In-Law had a ton of time to say she wanted separate accommodations if she is introverted, wanted her own space, was concerned about money, etc. And it’s very clear that you did not force this onto anyone.
So what to do now? I’m torn. Even if you offer to split the difference like a PP mentioned (which I think is a very smart idea) do you even want her around at this point? I read your previous post and it sounds like there have been a lot of other negative behaviors. I think I would cut my losses, see if you can fill it somehow, and if not, have the most badass bridal suite ever.
Who knows what is going through FSIL’s head, but it shouldn’t be your problem. Hopefully she comes around after the wedding but she might just be difficult, and that will be ok.
Post # 21
SexyCatLady: They are not introverted (they’re like a one family tornado as it goes) and not having money issues that we are aware of. I guess the point for us is that they had oppertunity to say they weren’t comfortable for any reason way back in January and we by no means pressured them into agreeing to stay in the apartment. As I have mentioned in my previous post there were a couple of people we couldn’t squeeze in who would have happily taken the room at that point.
Post # 22
honeybee2014: Thanks! I’m glad not everyone thinks badly of us. I think in honesty we’ll cut our losses and make the most of the extra space, we don’t want her there under duress and we can live without the ongoing drama
Post # 23
Other than venting about the situation, there isn’t really anything you can do. It is inappropriate of her to be cancelling her commitment last minute. On the other hand, you and she clearly have different ideas about spending money.
You seem to be still under the illusion that you are all going to be one big happy family. I think personally, I would be giving a big sigh of relief that she was staying elsewhere.
ps in future you don’t need to repost,if you feel your thread didn’t get enough attention. You can simply bump your original.
Post # 24
julies1949: Thanks, I am no longer under that illusion. By The Way I didn’t repost a new thread because I didn’t feel my original thread didn’t get enough attention, I re-read it in the cold light of day and realised it was a monumental essay written in the heat of the moment, I wanted to post a more concise version of current events without chapter an verse on the history
Post # 25
Also for future brides who want to go this route, if you really need a commitment from people you should be collecting at least a deposit up front.
At the end of the day money talks. And if someone’s given a deposit (or the whole ammount) they are less likely to back out.
Post # 26
Steph77: I agree with your Future Sister-In-Law. It’s not practical for her, her husband and her two children. But the way she handled it was awful. She could have been a lot more mature aobut it. And told you a lot sooner so you could have pulled out and changed plans. It’s a big cost to pay for an empty room. I would just move past this and realize she’s a flake.
Post # 27
andielovesj: True, lesson learnt. We didn’t expect this to be an issue with family, we know better now.
Post # 28
Steph77: Even though you say you didn’t pressure them, they may have felt like they couldn’t say no. I know if I was in that situation, I would much prefer to get my own room instead of staying in a big apartment with my whole family, and even if the bride was said there was absolutely no pressure, I would still feel obligated to say yes, especially if my other family members already agreed.
Of course, it’s not great that she’s backing out of a committment she already agreed to, especially when the result is someone having to fork over more cash.
Post # 29
I just read your previous post, and you stated that you moved your wedding date so you could book this apartment. Sounds like this was your idea and you were hell bent on getting it….
Post # 30
I don’t think you’ve done anything unreasonable, if what you say is true, and it certainly doesn’t sound like you were forcing Future Sister-In-Law and her family to stay anywhere or do anything.
I think the best thing to do is simply let this go, but keep in mind that she’s a bit of a troublemaker and can’t be relied upon when it comes to things like this.
I would use the extra suite for something else; maybe a dressing room or an extra place to relax.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, especially since your fiancé is taking it rather hard. Hopefully this issue gets cleared up easily and everything else having to do with the wedding and family members goes well. Try not to let Future Sister-In-Law put a damper on things. She’s not the focus of this wedding, so let her nonsense roll right off your back and do what’s best for you and your future husband.