Help – the pandemic stalled my exciting new relationship

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 46
1634 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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@christine2727:  You don’t have to give him that reason. The only reason you have to give someone to end things is to tell them you don’t feel you’re compatible. That you think they’re a nice person, but you don’t think the relationship is working for you. You’re not feeling it. Done. 

It does suck to end things, but better to do it now than string him along. I had a dude string me along with “I’m just stressed at work” type excuses for a month when he wasn’t feeling it, and it was one of the most miserable relationship months I ever had. It was even more miserable to hear he had talked it over with everyone in his life but me before ending things. Definitely better to just do it.

Post # 47
5785 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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@bouviebee:  by are the OP and this guy in a relationship? Other than him calling her his gf.

OP unless you both specified that you’re in a committed relationship, I don’t understand why you need to make an issue and “break up” with him. It sounds like he’s done already. Sorry to say but I think you’re making this out to be more than it is/was. I think his fade away is a huge blessing in disguise. 

Post # 50
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

The pandemic did not stall your exciting relationship. The pandemic is incidental. A mutual rebound relationship ran its course. Your bf sounds checked out. He’s nicely telling you he is on the way out. He can’t handle his own stressors, or a relationship on top of that. He could have lost his job with our without the pandemic. He was financially unstable long before the pandemic. He had many red flags before the pandemic. The honeymoon is over.

You could do so much better. If you’re meant to be, it will happen. 

It’s always hard to leave something good. What you had with this man was nice while it lasted, but never had long term potential.

Good luck.

Post # 51
912 posts
Busy bee

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I agree with everyone else that this relationship has run its course and you can do very much better.

For future reference, I would really ask you to consider not getting involved with someone who is still living with his ex – regardless of what their relationship is. Such a person is extremely unlikely to be emotionally available, so it is you taking a massive risk with your heart.

Post # 52
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

It sounds like he would be fine if you desperately wanted to settle for someone and absolutely had to be in a relationship but I’m sure you want and deserve more for yourself than the bare minimum.

This guy is throwing out red flags and you know it or you wouldn’t be posting on here, your gut is telling you NO but your head is trying to say “he can sometimes be nice, we had some fun weeekends” that is not enough though.

I would advise you to pull back and once things settle pandemic wise, start looking for someone new who has more to offer, is more available and who wants to be with you, even in times of stress and uncertainty. 

Post # 53
6915 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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@christine2727:  It was definitely NOT mutual. He actually broke up with me! And thank goodness he did because I was such a sucker I thought he was amazing for some stupid reason. But it was so toxic. After the break up we kept hanging out and sleeping together. The thing was…he only really liked me because he was attracted to me and I let him walk all over me. But he had no interest in an actual future or relationship with me. I just let him treat me like garbage but I kept thinking I’d somehow win him back. Why did I even want that? I do not know. So this whole break up dragged on way longer than it should have because of my stupidity. It wasn’t until I basically had a lightbulb moment that I deserve more than this. That I’m actually a pretty awesome human being and someone who is actually worthy of my time was going to come along one day and I didn’t want to miss him because I was too busy worrying about this loser…

Post # 54
13048 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Fear of being alone and of being the one to break things off are not good reasons to drag this thing out. In fact, this situation and the need for social isolating, not withstanding your unadvised week spent together, makes it a lot easier.

As for the loneliness, virtual dating is a thing now. You could spend time getting to know people a bit in anticipation of real dating. Do you have friends and family? Reach out regularly to those people, do nice things for yourself, learn something new. If your mental health is taking a real hit, you could look into virtual counseling rather than using a dysfunctional relationship as a lifeline or crutch. 

How do you break up with him? You just do, like ripping off a bandaid. Tell him it’s just not working out and wish him well. There’s no need for a post mortem, to get into his finances, his living situation or his self centered, chilly behavior on your last visit. He’s well aware. If he objects, tell him your decision is final and that you’ll be blocking him for both of your sakes. 

Post # 55
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

How you break it off is simple.  You tell him it’s over, but that you wish him the best. If he pushes for more clarity, give it to him. You don’t want to be with someone who is still living with his ex and financial stability is important in a partner.  It’s time for you to move on to someone who has more of that stuff figured out.

  A 50 year old man with no savings who takes issue with you wanting to be with someone who is financially stable is NOT someone who wants the best for you.  If he reacts defensively or poorly to you giving him the information he asks for, you’ll know you dodged a HUGE bullet. 

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